When it comes to sleep training, what worked for one child doesn’t always work for another, even within the same family. I recently worked with a family who came to me exhausted and frustrated. Their seven-month-old, Molly, was waking multiple times a night, including at least two full feedings. They had successfully used a timed check method with their older child, but this approach just wasn’t doing the trick for their younger daughter.

The Initial Sleep Struggles

Before making any changes, her parents logged Molly's night wakings. Here’s what her first night looked like:

• Asleep: 6:30 PM
• First waking: 7:01 PM (replaced pacifier, back to sleep in 2 minutes)
• 10:00 PM: Dream feed (first night feed)
• 12:30 AM: Woke up, parents replaced pacifier and soothed with hand on chest (back to sleep in 1 minute)
• 1:10 - 2:54 AM: Feeding, rocking, diaper change, more rocking (second night feed)
• 5:00 - 5:18 AM: Woke up crying, tried to just replace pacifier and soothe with hand. Decided to feed her (third night feed).
• 7:10 AM: Awake for the day.
  
  

Why Wasn’t Their Sleep Training Method Working?

This is a classic example of how each baby has unique sleep needs and associations. Here are a few key reasons the timed check method wasn’t effective:
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1. Different Sleep Associations – Their older child may have naturally responded well to brief check-ins, but Molly was more dependent on external soothing (pacifier, touch, and feeding) to fall back asleep.
   
   
2. Feeding as a Sleep Crutch – Three night feedings at seven months could indicate either a lingering habit or a genuine need for calories. We needed to determine if she was truly hungry or just relying on feedings for comfort.
   
   
3. Frequent Pacifier Replacement – The pacifier was acting as a sleep prop, meaning she couldn’t connect her own sleep cycles without it. And she couldn't put it back in her mouth without help from her parents. 
   
   
4. Overtiredness – A 6:30 PM bedtime can work well, but if naps weren’t solid during the day, overtiredness could have been contributing to the frequent wakings.
   
   

The Sleep Plan We Created

We developed a gradual weaning plan for Molly as well as a sleep training plan, but much to her parents' surprise, after some sleep training at bedtime, Molly started sleeping through the night within a few nights! We never even started the gradual weaning plan. 

It turned out that night feedings were actually a symptom of her sleep problems. Once we solved the problem of timing (naps and bedtime) and gave her a chance to learn to self-soothe, Molly night-weaned without any assistance at all.

The Results

Within a few nights, Molly was sleeping 10-12 hours with no night feedings. The parents, who had been struggling with exhaustion, were finally getting the rest they needed, too.

The Takeaway

It's amazing how we think that lots of feedings can prevent night wakings, but sometimes it's the opposite. If your sleep training method isn’t working, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it just means your baby needs a different approach. Each child is unique, and finding the right strategy requires understanding their sleep habits, associations, and individual temperament.

If you’re struggling with sleep training, I’d love to help you create a customized plan that works for your family. Book a free discovery call today and let’s get you and your baby the sleep you both need!

Last night, I had a conversation with a client that brought up a concern so many parents share when considering sleep training.

She’s using a high-parental-involvement method where she stays in the room while her toddler falls asleep and during any night wakings. This feels comfortable to her right now because she grew up in a culture where families often slept in the same room.

However, she’s starting to feel uneasy about the next step in the plan, which involves sitting outside her child’s room as they learn to fall asleep more independently. Here’s what she asked:

“I feel like: is she scared of being alone at night? We (adults) sleep with someone else… so is it so unreasonable for her to want that? I don’t want her to feel scared or abandoned when sleeping. I’ve been advised a lot about how it’s normal to feel anxious when sleeping and just because children go to sleep independently or stop crying, 'lose the response of crying,' during the cry-it-out method doesn’t mean they aren’t anxious. Just that they feel scared and keep it within themselves.”

First, I want to acknowledge how beautifully she expressed this fear—a fear many parents share. The idea of leaving your child alone at night can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re trying to balance your child’s emotional needs with the realities of family life and your own well-being.

Let’s take a step back and look at this situation more closely. Before sleep training, this parent would lie down with her child until she fell asleep, then either stay the whole night or come back at the first waking to spend the rest of the night together. Since starting sleep training three nights ago, the child has gone from multiple night wakings to zero or one—all while the parent remains in the room, sitting in a chair rather than lying down. This is already a huge step forward for both parent and child, and it’s been achieved with a high level of parental presence and comfort.

Will My Child Feel Abandoned If I Leave the Room?

This is such an important question, and it speaks to every parent’s instinct to protect their child. From my experience—both as a parent and as someone who’s worked with hundreds of families—the answer is no. Children who are sleep trained using loving, consistent methods do not feel abandoned. Instead, they learn a new skill: how to fall asleep independently, knowing their parent is nearby and always there if they truly need support.

When the time comes for this client to move outside her child’s room, the transition will happen gradually and with reassurance. She’ll check in every few minutes, so her child will never feel “forgotten.” And while it’s natural for a toddler to protest change, what’s important is the parent’s consistency and loving presence—even if that presence is just outside the door.

The Truth About Cry-It-Out (CIO)

It’s worth noting that while many parents are hesitant about the cry-it-out method, it isn’t the only option. In fact, I don’t push families to use CIO unless they feel it’s right for them. In this client’s case, her method involves staying close and offering comfort as her child adjusts to new sleep patterns. But for parents who do choose CIO, research shows it’s not harmful when used in loving, supportive homes.

I’ve used CIO with my own children when other methods didn’t work for them. For example, my oldest child found it more upsetting when I returned every few minutes. Switching to CIO resulted in less overall stress for her, and she quickly learned to sleep through the night. Today, all three of my children love to sleep, go to bed happily, and wake up refreshed. Our bond is as strong as ever, and I’ve seen the same outcome in countless families I’ve worked with.

What Does the Research Say About Sleep Training?

When I became certified as a child sleep consultant, I did a deep dive into the literature to see if there was any evidence of trauma from sleep training. I couldn’t find a single study that showed psychological harm in children from loving, consistent sleep training methods. The studies that did report damage were based on extreme cases, such as permanent separation from caregivers (as seen in rat studies) or neglectful environments like Romanian orphanages.

Emily Oster, the author of Crib Sheet and Expecting Better, reviewed the data as well and found the same results: “The data shows that sleep training does not lead to long- or short-term attachment issues. And for most babies, it will lead to longer sleep stretches. It has also been shown to improve mood and mental health for parents.”

This means you don’t have to choose between healthy sleep and healthy attachment—they actually go hand in hand. That's because better sleep often strengthens the bond between parent and child because everyone is more rested, present, and patient during the day.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re feeling unsure about sleep training or worried about what it means for your child’s emotional health, know that you’re not alone. These fears are normal, and they’re a sign of how much you care about your child. But with a method that feels right for your family and a consistent, loving approach, your child can learn to sleep confidently and independently, secure in your love for them.

Ready to Take the First Step?

If you’re dreaming of better sleep for your family but feel unsure about how to start—or how to stay consistent—I’m here to help. Schedule a free consultation today, and we can create a personalized plan that works for your family. In two weeks or less, you can have the well-rested family you’ve been hoping for—guaranteed.

If you’re wondering when to transition your toddler to one nap a day, let me share what’s happening with my 20-month-old, Valentina. Every child is different, but maybe our journey will resonate with you—or at least give you a place to start.

The Typical Timeline for Nap Transitions

Most toddlers switch from two naps to one somewhere between 15 and 18 months, though the range can stretch from 12 to 21 months. Since my kids have always leaned toward higher sleep needs, it didn’t surprise me that Valentina hasn’t fully switched yet.

But even though most kids follow this general timeline, every toddler’s journey is unique. And like most nap transitions, the process is rarely smooth or linear (because, of course, toddlers love to keep us guessing).

Why Valentina Hasn’t Switched Yet

Two weeks ago, we were at the beach, and Valentina thrived on a one-nap-a-day schedule—probably because she had the excitement of siblings and cousins to keep her busy. I thought, This is it! She’s ready!

But as soon as we came home, everything changed. Without all the stimulation, mornings felt so long for her. By mid-morning, she was cranky, exhausted, and miserable—making it clear that pushing her to one nap wasn’t the right move just yet.

We’ve even had a split night (you know, those nights when your toddler wakes up at 2 a.m., ready to party). That’s usually a sign of too much daytime sleep, which is why I initially wondered if maybe she should go to one nap a day. But the resulting morning crankiness made it clear that this wasn't quite right.

But… here’s the catch. I can hear her from my office after her first nap, and she’s cranky when I wake her up. It’s no fun for anyone, and it’s got me thinking: could tweaking her nap schedule help?

My Nap Transition Strategy

Here’s what I’m trying with Valentina—and what I recommend to parents who are navigating this tricky transition:

1. Move the First Nap Earlier This one is key. The first nap doesn’t have to happen when your toddler looks tired. In fact, they shouldn’t be very tired—it’s better if they’re just starting to yawn or slow down.

For example, we’ve been putting Valentina down around 9 a.m., but I’m moving it to 8:30 a.m. That feels early, but most days I start to see yawns by then. The goal here is to put her down when she's just a little bit tired. Which can feel strange!  

2. Cap the Morning Nap If you’re still doing two naps, try capping the first nap to starting at 90 minutes and reducing by 15 minute increments until you find a time that works. As your child grows, you'll have to keep shortening the time. For Valentina, I’ve been letting her sleep 60-75 minutes., but I’m starting to think that’s too long for her now. Every child is different, so experiment with timing to see what works for yours.

3. Adjust the Second Nap Once the first nap is shortened, shift the second nap slightly later, but not so late that it interferes with bedtime. For most toddlers, the sweet spot is around 1–2:00 p.m., but don’t let the nap go past 4 p.m.

4. Be Flexible Here’s a big takeaway: your toddler doesn’t have to follow the same nap schedule every day. At daycare, most toddlers take just one nap because that’s the schedule. At home, you can keep two naps on the table for days when they're looking tired before mid-morning.

This kind of flexibility might feel chaotic, but it’s normal during transitions. You’ll know your child is ready to drop to one nap completely when they start consistently skipping one of the naps—usually the afternoon one.

Signs Your Toddler is Ready for One Nap

Here’s what to look for:

• Your toddler consistently skips one nap (usually the second one) for multiple days in a row.
• They stay happy and energetic until late morning.
  
  

​When these signs show up, start gradually moving the first nap later (and shorter) until your little one is taking one (longer) midday nap.

Nap Transition Tips

• If your toddler skips the morning nap, try pushing it no later than 10 a.m., and cap it at one hour or less.
• Keep wake-up time consistent—aim for 7 a.m. to set the tone for the day.
• Remember, nap transitions are messy, and it’s okay if things feel imperfect for a while.

You’re Not Alone

Nap transitions—from 3-to-2, 2-to-1, or even 1-to-0—are some of the toughest parts of baby sleep. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, don’t stress. It’s normal! And if you’d like personalized help, schedule a free consult—we’ll create a plan tailored to your little one’s needs.

Parenting is a journey, and nap transitions are just one of the many milestones. You’ve got this!

Last night was one for the books. My daughter, Valentina, who’s newly 20 months old, decided sleep was optional from 12 to 4 a.m. Yep, the sleep consultant’s child was wide awake. The irony isn’t lost on me.

It wasn’t her typical wake-up, either. Every few minutes, she’d let out a single cry—just one—and then go silent. This went on for over an hour.

Finally, I went into her room to investigate. I figured maybe she was too warm since she was wearing a fleece sweater (it’s freezing here in San Miguel, and we don’t have central heating). Removing it helped briefly, but soon enough, the crying resumed.

Next, I enlisted my partner (who managed to sleep through most of the commotion) to check her diaper. Nothing.

By 2 a.m., desperation set in, and I broke one of my own rules—I brought her into our bed. Shh, don’t tell anyone! We’ve bedshared a couple of times recently while traveling, but only for short stretches and only because she’s older now. (For the record, I don’t recommend this with infants!)

She tried to settle, bless her heart. But “trying” involved flopping onto me every few minutes like a tiny gymnast, then flopping back into the middle of the bed, followed by some delighted babbling. Needless to say, neither of us was sleeping. (Unbelievably,  my partner had no trouble snoozing through most of this.)

So back to the crib she went. Same story: intermittent cries, no resolution. And the cries were starting to escalate. 

At 4 a.m., I caved and gave her some milk. I’ll admit, I don’t recommend that either, but at that point, I was running on fumes.

What Happened Here?

In hindsight, I’m pretty sure this was a classic case of a “split night.”

Split nights happen when a child gets too much daytime sleep, disrupting their nighttime rest. Unlike waking due to hunger, bad dreams, or separation anxiety, split nights often involve a child who’s perfectly content being awake—sometimes even ready to party if given the chance.

Here’s what likely led to our split night: Valentina is transitioning from two naps to one, which means her nap schedule is still in flux. Yesterday, her first nap started late, pushing her second nap too close to bedtime. She fell asleep easily at bedtime but had this prolonged, bizarre waking in the middle of the night.

The Game Plan

To course-correct, we let her sleep in until 7:30 a.m. today (when she woke up naturally) and skipped the morning nap entirely. Normally, she’d be cranky by 9:30 a.m., but thankfully, she wasn’t. She powered through, increasingly bleary-eyed, until 12 p.m., when she went down for a single, mid-day nap.

Fingers crossed this helps us all get a better night’s sleep tonight.

What About Your Sleepless Nights?

If your little one is pulling their own version of Valentina’s split night (or has any other sleep challenge keeping you up), I’m here to help.

Let’s figure out what’s going on and create a plan that works for your family. Schedule a free consult today, and I promise you’ll be sleeping soundly within two weeks—guaranteed. Click here to book your free consult.