It’s been 10 days since we took Valentina’s pacifiers away.

She immediately climbed out of the crib. We had to take the side off.

And she stopped napping. Going from 2 hours a day to zero. 

It has been a wild ride.

Why toddler naps fall apart after dropping the pacifier

Valentina would lie in bed talking, singing, sometimes crying, but not sleeping.

She was getting more and more tired.

The more tired she got, the worse her sleep. She started waking up during the night, struggling to fall asleep at bedtime, waking up too early in the morning. She was averaging two hours fewer sleep on average than before the transition. 

In case you were wondering, her behavior got a whole lot worse, too. Hitting, meltdowns, power struggles. Misery for the household. Most especially her. 

Is it normal for sleep to get worse before it gets better?

I started to second guess everything.

Should we have let her keep the pacifiers until she stopped needing a nap?

But what about her teeth? I could see that her teeth position had already shifted a bit.

I knew we didn’t really have a choice.

This is the moment most parents quit.

Not on day one.

Not when they expect it to be hard.

But a week in, when their child is more tired than before and it feels like things are getting worse instead of better.

That’s where doubt creeps in. Even for me.

That’s where you start thinking, maybe this was a mistake.

And then, consistency paid off

A few days ago, she cried for a long time and then finally fell asleep at naptime.
The next day, she napped again. And today, something shifted.

For the first time, there was no crying at naptime. She fell asleep and slept for over an hour and a half. And then she woke up happy.

Jackpot.

A child who wakes up happy is well rested.

A toddler who wakes up hysterical is not getting their needs met, even if the parent -- in this case me -- is trying her very best.

I’ve seen what happens when a child finally gets consistent, restorative sleep. They’re more flexible, more regulated, and more joyful. Everything in the day gets easier.

So if you’ve heard that sleep training is mean, I want you to pause and really look at the alternative.

A child who is exhausted and stuck needing help every time she wakes.

That’s not easier for them.

And it’s not easier for you.

What kind of parent are you when you aren't getting consistent sleep at night?

If you're anything like me, you are not the parent you want to be when you are sleep deprived.

Sleep training is hard. Even for me. Parenting is hard. But giving your child the ability to sleep well is a gift for everyone in the home.

And the moment it feels hardest… is very often the moment right before it clicks.
​
If you’re in that moment right now, second guessing everything and wondering whether to keep going, I can help you create a clear plan and stay the course.

Let's talk about how your family can get better sleep even through challenging milestones. 

I don’t usually start with cry it out.

As a sleep coach, I know there are many ways children learn to fall asleep independently. Many families prefer gradual approaches, and I support that. Most of the time, we can find a path that feels manageable and respectful for both parents and child.

But sometimes the situation tells you something different.

What Was Happening

At bedtime, things looked good.

If my partner lay down on the floor next to her bed, she would fall asleep quickly. No battles. No long crying. It felt peaceful and manageable.

But naps were a completely different story.

Without a pacifier (we had just removed them), she would stay awake in her bed for an hour and a half. Sometimes longer. She wasn’t sleeping at all. She was playing, chatting, crawling around.

A toddler who doesn’t nap quickly becomes an overtired toddler. Overtired toddlers are not known for their emotional resilience.

So something had to change.

The Decision

The night before yesterday, we decided to let her fall asleep without someone lying next to her.

In other words, we did cry it out.

Not because I think cry it out is always necessary. But because in this moment, the existing system wasn’t working anymore.

She cried and sobbed for about 30 minutes.

Then my partner went in and comforted her for about two minutes. That wasn’t exactly what I would normally recommend, but it was what felt doable for us in the moment.

After that brief comfort, she lay down and fell asleep almost immediately.

That told us something important.

She could do it.

The Next Day: Nap Time




Yesterday at nap time, we tried something small to support her independence.


We gave her a little handheld nightlight that automatically turns off after a few minutes.


She played with it for about 45 minutes.


Then she cried for 30 minutes.


It was brutal to listen to. I won’t pretend it wasn’t.


But eventually, she lay down and fell asleep.


She slept for 30 minutes.


Not a long nap. But a nap.


And more importantly, she had done the entire process by herself.




What Happened Next




Last night we put her to bed.


No one lay on the floor.


No crying.


She simply went to sleep.




What This Means




Children often protest when a sleep habit changes. That protest can be intense. It can feel awful to listen to.


But protest does not necessarily mean something is wrong.


Sometimes it means a child is learning a new skill.


Valentina had been relying on our presence to fall asleep. Once that support was removed, she needed a short window to figure out how to do it herself.


And once she did, the process became much easier.




The Part That’s Hard to See in the Moment




When parents hear crying, the natural instinct is to think:


This isn’t working.


But sometimes the crying is part of the transition between old habits and new abilities.


And once the child crosses that bridge, things often become dramatically simpler.


Which is exactly what happened here.


Last night, she just… went to sleep.


No tears.


No drama.


Just a toddler who had learned something new.


And a house that was suddenly a lot quieter at bedtime.


Sent from my iPhone

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Ten Minutes After Giving Up Her Pacifiers, Valentina Asked For Them Back

Ten minutes after proudly putting all her pacis into the special bag, my daughter burst into tears and asked for them back.

If you’ve ever tried to help a toddler give up something they love, you probably already know how this story goes.

Preparing For The Goodbye

For weeks we had been reading a Lovery book about saying goodbye to pacifiers. In the story, a little girl named Clementine searches the house with her daddy, gathers every pacifier, and puts them into a special bag and using her special blanket for bedtime.

My daughter loved the story and wanted to read it again and again. Although she did think "Daddy" was the one giving up the pacifiers. :) 

So we started talking about how one day she would do the same thing. When she gave up her pacis, she would get a special blanket.

You might think this kind of transition would be easy for me. After all, I’m a pediatric nurse practitioner and a child sleep coach. For years, I've been teaching other parents how to handle these transitions.

But the truth is, I felt surprisingly emotional about it.

For weeks leading up to that night I felt sad and a little anxious. I kept putting it off and dreading the moment. Knowing intellectually that children can adjust to change doesn’t necessarily make it easier when it’s your own child.

Eventually we picked a night to do the pacifier hunt. I chose a Friday because I assumed sleep might be disrupted and I wanted the weekend to recover before work.

The Pacifier Hunt

When the night finally came, she was thrilled.

She went tearing around the house a pacifier hunt around the house. I "hid" the pacis in plain sight, on top of the coffee table and our bedside tables. Finding them was the most fun she could have imagined.

Each time she found one she ran back laughing hysterically and proudly dropped it into the bag.

It felt like a game. A celebration, even.

She was so excited to receive her special blanket.

And then, about ten minutes later, she plaintively asked, "Can I have my pacis back?"

That was hard. 

Night One: Total Chaos

Bedtime that night was messy. There were lots of tears. My partner I took turns lying down on the floor next to her. That’s not a long term habit I want to create, but it felt like a fair compromise for the first night of such a big transition.

She finally fell asleep around 9 pm. Only two hours later than usual! 

I had assumed the night itself might be rough.

To my surprise, it wasn’t.

She woke once briefly and went right back to sleep once I covered her with Special Blanket.

The Next Few Days

Over the next few days she kept checking in about the pacifiers.

“Can I have my pacis?”

I answered the same way each time.

“No, the pacis are gone. Remember we put them in the bag? We said bye bye to the pacis.”

At first we noticed something interesting. If we praised her too enthusiastically for giving them up, she immediately asked for them again. So for the first few days we didn’t talk about it much. We just stayed calm and consistent.

On the second night, she fell asleep at 7:30 instead of 9 pm. 

And by the third night, she was asleep by 7 pm. All by herself. No one lying next to her.

A Memory From My Middle Daughter

This experience reminded me of weaning my middle daughter from her pacifiers, years ago.

When she was approaching her third birthday, I told her that three year olds don’t use pacifiers anymore.

Our pediatric dentist suggested letting her pick out a special prize in advance and putting it somewhere she could see it but not reach it until she decided she was ready.

On the very day of her third birthday -- not what I had imagined -- Amelie decided she was ready.

She threw the pacifiers into the trash and proudly claimed the Elmo doll she had picked out.

About ten minutes later she looked at me seriously and said,

“I’m ready to throw Elmo away and get my pacis back.”

Toddlers are wonderfully logical in their own way.

What I See As A Sleep Coach

As a pediatric nurse practitioner and sleep coach, I talk with parents about pacifiers and other sleep crutches all the time. Many families worry that giving them up will be a huge battle or permanently disrupt sleep.

What I see most often is something much more like what happened in our house. There may be a few emotional moments at bedtime, but with a clear plan and calm consistency, most children adapt faster than their parents expect.

“The pacis are all gone. I know it’s hard. Your special blanket will help.”

But when parents stay calm, clear, and consistent, children usually learn much more quickly than we imagine.

I experienced it again in my own house this week.

Even for a pediatric nurse practitioner and sleep coach, these transitions can feel surprinsigly emotional in the moment.

How parents can use Daylight Saving Time to shift sleep schedules and prevent early morning wake-ups
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“Hi Abby, as the clocks have just changed, we're hoping we can use that to our advantage. And lean into Teddy’s body clock being tuned to our target times.”

His parents continued:

“We’d love to aim for a 7 pm bedtime tonight enabling a 7 am wake-up tomorrow. Do you think that’s reasonable considering 48 hours ago that would’ve been 6 pm and 6 am respectively which we were achieving smoothly for the last couple of weeks.”

If you’re reading this and thinking, yes, that’s exactly what I’m wondering, you’re not alone.

Every time Daylight Saving Time rolls around, parents start asking the same question: can the time change actually help shift a sleep schedule?

Sometimes it can.

When This Idea Can Actually Work

In Teddy’s case, his parents had been getting a very consistent night: 6 pm to 6 am for the last couple of weeks.

When Daylight Saving Time shifts the clock forward by an hour, that same biological rhythm suddenly lines up with 7 pm to 7 am on the clock.

In other words, nothing about Teddy’s sleep actually has to change. The clock simply caught up to the schedule his body was already keeping.

The real question is whether the family can maintain it.

Because if you’ve been parenting for a while, you know how easily sleep schedules drift.

One later bedtime, one missed nap, a busy afternoon that pushes dinner back. Over time those small shifts can slowly move the whole rhythm earlier or later again.

And it’s not just bedtime. Nap times, meals, daycare schedules, sibling pickups, and everyday life all pull on the rhythm.

Daylight Saving Time occasionally gives families a chance to reset that drift.

But keeping the schedule consistent afterward is what determines whether the change sticks.

What Should You Do About Bedtime After the Time Change?

Parents often wonder whether they should move bedtime gradually or simply follow the new clock.

If your child already had a predictable sleep schedule, the simplest approach is often the best one: run the same routine and let the clock change do the adjustment.

Same wind down.

Same pajamas.

Same bedtime routine.

Just start it one hour later by the clock.

But for this to work, the rest of the day has to shift too. 

Naps and meals need to move an hour later so the body clock stays aligned with the later morning wake-up.

For example, if your previous schedule looked like this:

6 am wake-up
9 am nap
1 pm nap
6 pm bedtime

After the time change it should become:
7 am wake-up
10 am nap
2 pm nap
7 pm bedtime

If naps stay on the old schedule, your child will build sleep pressure earlier and the later bedtime often won’t hold.

When the whole day shifts together, many families are surprised by how smoothly the transition works.

The Bottom Line

Daylight Saving Time can sometimes help shift bedtime later or mornings later, especially if your family already had a predictable sleep rhythm.

But the clock change alone won't fix sleep problems for more than a few days.

If bedtime currently feels exhausting or unpredictable in your home, you’re not alone.

Better sleep is absolutely possible, much faster than parents expect.

Here’s the link to schedule a consultation.

Better sleep in two weeks or less, guaranteed.

A parent asked a great question after yesterday’s post about the spring forward time change.

“If bedtime is normally 7 pm and you shift it to 8 pm before the change, wouldn’t that become 9 pm once the clocks move forward?”

This question highlights exactly why daylight saving time scrambles everyone’s brain for a few days each year.

There are two clocks involved.

The clock on your wall.

And the clock inside your child’s body.

When we spring forward, the wall clock jumps one hour back. But your child’s internal clock does not jump with it.

So after the change:

7 pm on the clock feels like 6 pm to your child’s body.

Some families simply keep the same clock time and ride it out for a few days. Bedtime may feel earlier to your child’s body at first, but most kids adjust quickly.

Other families prefer to shift bedtime gradually in the days before the change.

For example:

Wednesday: 6:45 pm
Thursday: 6:30 pm
Friday: 6:15 pm
Saturday: 6 pm
Sunday: 7 pm (new time, feels like 6 pm standard time)

After the clocks change, that 6 pm bedtime will feel like 7 pm to your child’s body. In other words, their internal clock is already aligned.

Both approaches work.

The most important thing is not which strategy you choose. It’s consistency for a few days while your child’s body catches up.

And if you are awake before sunrise this weekend wondering why daylight saving time still exists, you will be in excellent company.

If you're looking for practical ways to help your child adjust to the time change, you can read my full spring forward sleep guide here.

If your child is already struggling with early mornings, bedtime battles, or needing you in the room to fall asleep, the time change can magnify those patterns. A clear plan makes transitions like this much easier.

This Saturday night, we lose an hour. Thanks to the geniuses who invented daylight savings time, much to the chagrin of parents everywhere.

Your toddler is not emotionally prepared. Your baby can’t tell time. Your preschooler is not attuned to the lengthening days.

It might be fine. 

It may also mean 4 am wakings for three days in a row.

Here are two real approaches to this senseless torture of parents everywhere. And one tempting fake one.

Pathway 1: Do Nothing and Ride the Wave

This is for you if:

• Your child is generally sleeping well
• You are not already hanging on by a thread
• Planning feels more taxing than mild sleep deprivation. (This includes me.)
  
  

On the night of the change, you simply shift to the new clock. If bedtime was 7 pm, it stays 7 pm by the new time.

To your child’s body, that will feel like 6 pm at first. Mornings will feel hard because your child likely went to sleep at the regular time and had to wake up at the new, earlier time, according to their body clock.

The key here is consistency. Do not change bedtime and wake times just because your child looks tired. Hold your boundary. Let their body recalibrate.

Most children adjust within a few days.

If you know your child is not one of those children, pick a different plan.

Approach 2: The Gradual Shift

​This is for the planners and lovers of spreadsheets and sleep apps.

Start 3 to 4 days before the change. This means today. 

Move bedtime 15 minutes earlier each night. Shift naps and morning wake time later as well.

Yes, this may mean waking your child in the crib a few minutes earlier each morning.

By the time the clock jumps forward, your child’s body is already aligned.

This approach works especially well for babies who are sensitive to overtiredness or families who have worked hard to stabilize nights and want minimal disruption.

Approach 3: Use It to Your Advantage

This is the seductive one.

Because we are springing forward, bedtime will suddenly feel earlier to their body.

The early morning wakings suddenly disappear. Life finally feels manageable.

This lasts for a few days. Then the early morning wakings creep back again. 

Spring forward already shifts biology. If you stack additional changes on top of that, you can tip a well rested child into overtiredness quickly. If sleep is mostly working, do not get fancy. Stability first. Adjustments later.

The Only Things That Really Matter

Your baby does not read the clock.

They respond to light, routine, and your nervous system.

Dark room.

Predictable wind down.

Clear expectations.

If you are tempted to refresh PSP at dawn to confirm everyone else is also awake, I promise you are not alone.

If your child is already struggling with night wakings, early mornings, or needing you in the room to fall asleep, the time change may highlight that.

Sleep is not luck. It is consistency and boundaries.If you want a clear, personalized plan for this transition, I can help you map it out quickly and calmly.

Schedule a free consult here and find out how you can have your whole family falling asleep peacefully at bedtime and sleeping through the night in two weeks or less, guaranteed. 

*Young babies who are feeding more than once during the night will take longer than 2 weeks, given my recommendation for a gradual approach, but they, too, can sleep through the night. 

PS ​If the bedtime math during the spring forward time change makes your head spin, I explain exactly why that happens here.