Have Long Days Made Your Nights Depressingly Short? Ten Tips To Help Get Your Family Back On Track.5/27/2024  As we round the curve into the longest days of the year, those long balmy days can lead to some frighteningly short nights. Humans naturally tend to sleep more in winter and less in summer. Also, we tend to want to pack more into our days when it’s nice out – it’s so tempting to go for a walk after dinner! And kids will whine, “but it’s STILL LIGHT OUT” if you try to coax them to bed at their normal hour.
But kids don’t seem to sleep any later as a result. If anything, they are likely to wake up even earlier. Ideally, your child should wake up between 6-7 am. That may still be earlier than you prefer, but it’s considered biologically normal. If your child is waking up earlier than that, especially if it’s earlier than 5:30 am, your child is having early morning wakings that are most likely not serving their biological need for rest. What’s a tired family to do? Here’s a few tips:
If you’d tried these tips and you still have miserably early mornings, schedule a free consult and find out how we can get your family back on track. Remember, for those of you who just need a bit of customized advice and not a full coaching package, I offer a 30-minute Ask Me Anything call. This is a great option for returning clients and for those who already have great sleep habits in place but need to make some changes in things like morning wake time.
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 Jenny and Rusty came to me for sleep support for their two-year-old daughter, Ariella. Here’s how they described their bedtime routine to me: “Ariella has always been a challenging sleeper. We shared our bed with her for the first 18 months, then gradually transitioned her to a crib, starting out sitting next to the crib while she fell asleep, then gradually moving further away until Dad was sitting in a chair by the door every day while she fell asleep. We live in a small apartment and we couldn’t move outside the door because then light from the rest of the apartment would flood her bedroom with light (with the door open). Then about 6 months ago, she started climbing out of the crib so we transitioned her to a toddler bed. The issue is that recently she seems really revved up at bedtime. Sometimes she stands on the lower railing of the toddler bed. It’s taking longer and longer to get her to fall asleep. Previously she was going to bed at 7:45 but now it’s more like 8:30-8:45. The bedtime routine has gotten progressively longer (it used to be 45 minutes and now it is 1.5-2 hours) and now Rusty has to rock her to sleep instead of just sitting in the chair by the door." Simultaneously with these bedtime challenges, Rusy’s job has gotten really busy and he often has to work in the evenings, while Jenny is 2 months away from delivering their second child. Rusty and Jenny said they would like an easier bedtime routine that takes less time because Rusty needs time to work and with a newborn, they won’t be able to manage a 2 hour bedtime routine for Ariella. “We want Ariella to feel confident in her abilities to sleep independently, and for us to have time to get things done and also reconnect in the evenings.” Rusty and Jenny had never done any sort of formal sleep training, and felt strongly that they were “not CIO people,” so after reviewing the options, they decided to go with the most gradual approach, the Chair Method. With that method, the parent sits in a chair in the room, in this case starting by the door since that’s where they had already been, and gradually moves further away every 3rd night. Things were going pretty well until Rusty moved the chair outside the room. That’s when all hell broke loose. Ariella wouldn’t stay in her room, and was up for hours. She took off her diaper, and emptied the contents of her dresser. It seemed like having Rusty outside the door, even with the door open and where Ariella could see him, was making her increasingly upset. The next few nights got progressively worse. She started waking up repeatedly during the night, increasingly anxious and upset. Her parents were getting more and more tired, and so, of course, was Ariella. One night things came to a head. Rusty was working late and Jenny had already been up multiple times with Ariella and was at her wits end. Ariella was waking up screaming every 45-90 minutes. Jenny made a spur of the moment decision because she felt like all the check-ins were actually making Ariella progressively more anxious. Jenny stopped responding and within half an hour, Ariella fell asleep… and slept 6 consecutive hours, the most she had slept in days. Best of all, she woke up in a better mood and less clingy than she had in a week. We spoke that day and they decided to sit with Ariella only at bedtime that night, and stay out of her room the rest of the night. That night, Ariella cried 25 minutes at bedtime and then slept the rest of the night! And then last night, they left her room after 5 minutes, with her still awake, and she had her best night yet and slept through the entire night! She woke up relaxed and happy. This is an interesting case because it became so clear that a more involved approach was actually making this child more anxious. As parents, we assume that a gentler, more gradual approach is a kinder one but in Ariella’s case, we can see that in this case, the opposite was true. If you’d like to see your child sleep through the night independently, set up a free consult to find out more about what the process might look like for your family. There’s no obligation to buy and I promise you’ll come away with a few things to try, free of charge. And there's zero pressure to try an approach that doesn't feel right for your family.  Want to stop bedspring but scared the process will be too hard? I’m working with 3 different families at this moment that were all co-sleeping and breastfeeding multiple times per night prior to working together.
Family #1 has 21-month-old Hallie, who was sometimes sleeping in her crib and sometimes sleeping with her mom in her parents’ room. Either way, she nursed several times per night. Her mom was very stressed at the idea of Halley crying but was also beyond exhausted with being up multiple times per night and working a busy 4-day work week during the day. Family #2 has 15-month-old Ophelia, who always slept on her floor bed with her mother and doesn’t have a crib. Ophelia’s mom was also exhausted, but in her case because she is home with the baby and doesn’t ever get a break because she has to lie down with Ophelia at naptime. Family #3 has 11-month-old Isabel, who has a side car crib which doesn’t really feel safe to her mother, so she ends up cosleeping all night in her mother’s bed while her dad sleeps in another room for safety reasons. Isabella’s mom is a teacher and she is exhausted, just like the other two. All three mothers scheduled coaching calls to help work through fears of crying (a new service I am offering!), as well as booking sleep coaching packages. We discussed their thoughts and feelings about their daughters’ crying (before starting sleep training). The first two families chose a sleep training method where their partners stayed in the room while their babies were falling asleep, and the third family chose a method where her dad checked in on her every few minutes. The second family bought a crib and the third family put the side back on their crib so that the baby could sleep safely. All three families saw improvement quickly. Hallie woke up 3 times the first night, after taking one hour to fall asleep. Her dad rubbed her back and helped her back to sleep. She didn’t breastfeed until morning. The second night, she fell asleep in 20 minutes and woke up twice during the night… but the second time, fell back asleep before her dad even made it to her room to soothe her. The third night, she slept through the night! She did skip naps the first few days but is now napping independently as well. Her mom commented that Hallie was clingy and fussy for the first few days but now seems much happier. Ophelia fell asleep in 38 minutes her first night, with her dad rubbing her back as she lay in the crib for her very first time. She had one night feed and 2 additional wakings but didn’t open her eyes for one of them. Her dad rubbed her back and repeated the sleep mantra each time. The second night, she woke up one additional time and took an hour to fall asleep at bedtime. Night 3 was similar but night 4, she fell asleep in 20 minutes at bedtime and only woke up twice. By night 6, she was still waking twice per night (once for a scheduled feeding) but was no longer crying at night. Her dad continues to soothe her gently at night. Eleven-month-old Isabel was most surprising of all. She woke 2 nights the first night, including for one scheduled feed. Second night, she only woke up once and skipped her night feeding (despite nursing continuously at night before sleep training), and on night three, slept through the night! It’s hard to say if it’s a coincidence or not, but the first two families used a more involved method and experienced more crying and for more nights than the third family, who used a less involved method (dad going in every few minutes to briefly soothe her). In any case, despite a lot of fear and reluctance to sleep train, all 3 families were surprised and pleased by their progress in just a few days. All 3 children are already much more relaxed about bedtime and naps are gradually getting easier for the first and third family, who have started nap training. The second family is still cosleeping and breastfeeding during naps but is eager to tackle naps. If you have been cosleeping and are scared of traumatizing your child, fear not. The transition may not be easy (or it may be, depending on your child) but it IS doable and it’s NOT traumatic. Frustrating and confusing at first, yes, but not traumatic. And the payoff of better sleep is huge, not just for you but most especially for your child, who needs restful sleep to thrive nearly as much as she needs healthy food to thrive. If you’re interested in better sleep but not sure you can tolerate crying, you are not alone. Schedule a free consult and let’s talk about what it might look like to get your little one restful sleep. There’s no sales pressure and no commitment. You can also schedule a free consult or go ahead and book the "Want to sleep train but scared of the crying" workshop for $89. |
AuthorAbby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Archives
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