If you've ever wondered:

"Does sleep training harm attachment?"
"Is sleep training safe?"
"Can I sleep train without making my baby cry it out?"

You're not alone. These are the most common concerns I hear from exhausted, loving parents who want more sleep but don’t want to damage their relationship with their child.

Let’s clear something up right away: sleep training does not mean ignoring your child.

And no, sleep training does not damage attachment. I've worked with hundreds of families who have successfully sleep trained and told me that there child is actually more happy and securely attached when they have solid independent sleep skills in place. 

I've also sleep trained my own three children. The unbelievable peace and contentment in them that came as a result of sleep training is what led me to becoming a sleep consultant in the first place. 

What Gentle, Responsive Sleep Training Actually Looks Like

Last night, my toddler woke up several times. And guess what?

I went to her every time. I soothed her. I responded immediately.

The difference between me and a parent who hasn’t sleep trained is this:

I don’t do that every night.

Because she knows how to sleep independently, when she does wake and cry, I know it’s because she truly needs me... and I respond quickly and lovingly.

Is Sleep Training Safe?

Yes. When done responsively and with developmentally appropriate strategies, sleep training is safe and actually helps your child makes your child more confident, not less. 

Sleep training (when taught by me) focuses on

• Teaching your child to learn to fall asleep without support... this can be done very gradually!
• Responding with consistency and clear communication so children know what to expect
• Building trust by always keeping your word
  
  

Gentle sleep training helps your child feel safe and competent, not abandoned. It supports both secure attachment and better rest for the whole family.

Want Help With Gentle Sleep Training?

If you're ready to teach your baby or toddler to sleep independently--without cry-it-out-- I offer a 2-week coaching package that includes:

• A customized sleep plan based on your personal parenting values as well as your child's biological needs
• Daily check-ins and unlimited texting support
• A gentle, attachment-safe method
• And a money-back guarantee if your child isn’t sleeping significantly better within 2 weeks
  
  

Click here to schedule a free consult so you can learn about what the program might look like for your family. I promise that no matter what you decide, you'll come away having learned something new about your child's sleep.

I saw a Facebook post today from a mom saying she finally understood why parents get excited about a three-hour stretch of sleep. The saddest part was when one of the commenters chimed in to say that 4.5 years into her parenting journey, she still wasn’t sleeping through the night.

This mom wasn't complaining. She was commiserating and also indirectly saying, "we parents are at the mercy of our children, no matter how old they are. Buckle up because years of sleep deprivation is what good parents endure." 

Reading this, you might feel like wanting better sleep therefore makes you a bad, selfish parent.

I'm here to strenuously argue with that idea.

First off, great sleep is an incredible gift to your child. I remember being absolutely gobsmacked when my oldest was a tiny baby and I put her on a schedule to try to prevent the evening witching hours. Not only did it cure those late afternoon and early evening blues, it also made her into the happiest baby I'd ever seen. I couldn't believe it. She literally never cried again. 

And also.

It doesn't have to be only about your child. Of course you don't want to do anything that would hurt or traumatize your little one. That's a given.

But it's also okay to sleep train because it makes life better, easier, and happier for you. You deserve to enjoy life. And again, the benefit comes back to your child because a happier parent leads to a happier child. You can't pour from an empty cup, the saying goes. 

If you're struggling with the decision to sleep train and wondering if you're a bad parent to consider it, that makes perfect sense. You're being bombarded with messages that good parents suffer silently and rejoice at doing so. 

Is that what you want your child to grow up thinking? That to prioritize one's own needs is selfish and wrong?  

I'd love to give you more information about your specific situation to help you figure out what is the best decision for your child right now. Whether or not that includes sleep training right now or ever. If it's the wrong time to sleep train to your child, I promise I'll tell you that, too. 

PS If you are ready to think about what sleep training or even just getting your baby on a better sleep schedule -- no cry it out required -- I invite you to schedule a free sleep consult here. I promise it'll be a painless experience!

PPS Still not sure? Check out these seventy-four 5-star reviews on Google of other parents' experiences working with me. 

A while back, I shared a post about beginning potty training with Valentina at 21 months. We were getting some small wins, I was feeling proud…and also, if I’m honest, I was feeling quite stressed. It was happening more slowly than I hoped plus I didn't know how we would manage potty challenges on our trip. And it was still chilly at home, which made it challenging to keep her undressed.

I also didn't like how quickly I was becoming snappy. I didn’t want to be annoyed at my toddler. And I was definitely tired of cleaning up messes.

So I made the decision to stop. We put potty training on pause, went back to diapers, and I gave myself permission to wait until the timing felt better. Even though I felt a bit disappointed to be "giving up." 

Trying Again After Our Trip: What a Difference a Few Months Makes

After our travels, Valentina was newly two, and I was in a much better headspace. So we gave it another go.

This time? It clicked.

She had wins from the very first day. And while we still had some accidents (usually when she was wearing pants), the learning curve was so much shorter. Yesterday marked two full weeks—and she didn’t have a single accident all day. Even when she was wearing pants.

If you’ve ever wondered whether an “unsuccessful” attempt is a waste of time: it’s not. That first round absolutely laid the foundation for this one. She remembered. Her body remembered. We were both more ready.

What Made This Round So Much Easier

Here’s what helped the second time around succeed:

• No underwear at home: The method I followed recommends going without undies for the first month, and it’s been a game changer. Bare bottoms at home + loose pants when out = way easier for her to recognize the sensation in her body.
  
  
• No pull ups. Pull ups are the same thing as diapers. Toddlers can't feel the difference when the pull up is on. And wearing a diaper (or pull up) prevents your child from feeling wetness and especially, the feeling of pee or poop leaving the body. 
  
  
• Accepting accidents as part of the process: This was huge. The more I resisted the mess, the more frustrated I got. Once I shifted to expecting and even welcoming the accidents as learning opportunities, everything got easier.
  
  
• Prepping the space: We rolled up our rugs this round and embraced our tile floors. I wasn’t worried about messes, which made me so much more relaxed.
  
  
• Doing it during a quiet season: With fewer obligations, I had the bandwidth to pay attention and stay consistent without getting irritable with my little one.
  
  
• Choosing warm weather: It was nice not to worry about her getting cold while running around bottomless. (Bonus: being able to see her stomach muscles tense gave helpful clues about what was coming.)
  
  
• Getting some support: With my older two, I potty trained mostly alone during the week with just a nanny's help. It’s doable—but exhausting. Even having an older sibling around this time, never mind a partner, made a difference. 
  
  
• Celebration, not rewards: I learned with my oldest that even simple rewards (like stickers) added pressure. With Valentina, I focused on enthusiastic clapping, cheers, and genuine delight. It kept the vibe fun and low-pressure. And now she gets excited when I have a potty success too, which is pretty adorable. 
  
  

“Should I Wait Until Age 3?”Some parents prefer to wait until their child is 3 or even 3.5, and that can work beautifully too. But here’s why I’m glad I didn’t:

1. The cost and hassle of diapers: Another 18 months of buying diapers, carrying the diaper bag, and cleaning poop off a preschooler? Diapers are expensive. No thanks.
   
   
2. Avoiding diaper dependency for poop: I’ve seen kids who were otherwise potty trained still demand a diaper to poop for years after potty training. This can become a battle—and even lead to medical consequences of chronic constipation from refusing to poop. Not something I wanted to navigate if I could help it.
   
   

The Takeaway

If you’re considering when to start—here’s what I’d say:

Watch your child. But also, watch yourself. If you’re getting tense or frustrated, that matters. If the timing feels off, it probably is. And if you need to pause and come back later, that’s okay. You’re not failing—you’re being smart and responsive.

Potty training is a process, not a single moment. And sometimes, the best thing you can do is give it space, then return with a calmer heart and a clearer plan.

I’m so glad we waited. And even happier to be diaper-free—travel potty and all.

If you'd like help potty training your child, I'm here to help. Schedule a free consult for parent coaching here. (I can also help with other developmental challenges and supporting you as a parent, too.)