 Four-month-old Jacob was waking every 45 minutes all night long.
His mother was beyond exhausted. Nap routines had unraveled, and bedtime was a struggle she dreaded. She had resisted sleep training for a long time because she was afraid he would cry all night long. Afraid the crying would be too hard on him. Or on her. But then we made a plan together—simple, respectful, and realistic.That first night, he cried for 15 minutes. Then he fell asleep—and slept 6 hours in a row for the first time in months. He woke up after midnight. His mother fed him, and then he went back to sleep without any tears until dawn. The second night feeding we planned on wasn't necessary. On day five, she nervously laid him down awake at naptime for the first time. He rolled over and fell asleep on his own. Quietly. Happily. No crying. This is what respectful sleep coaching can look like. Not abandonment. Not harm. Just support, structure, and trust in your baby’s capacity to adapt. What If Crying Isn’t Always a Crisis? Many parents hit a wall when it comes to sleep because they equate any crying with damage. Their baby cries during a nap transition or bedtime, and their body floods with adrenaline, guilt and fear. This isn’t weakness. It’s biology. You are wired to respond to your baby’s distress. That response is part of what makes you a nurturing, attuned parent.But not all crying is the same. And not all crying is harmful. Sometimes crying is your baby’s way of saying: This is new. I’m confused. I need to adjust. And when we meet that cry with calm and consistency —even if we’re not “rescuing” every time—we’re not doing harm. We’re helping them grow. Crying Is Communication (Not Just Distress) There’s a huge range of baby cries:
Responsive Parenting ≠ Immediate Rescue Imagine this: You’re in a grocery store, and your 4-year-old throws a tantrum because you won’t buy them a candy bar. Would you panic and think they were being harmed? Probably not. You’d stay calm. You’d hold the boundary. You’d help them through it. This frustration is real but clearly it’s not dangerous. Your baby’s frustration during a bedtime change is similar. The tears are real. But that doesn’t mean they’re being hurt. Limits can be loving. So can consistency. So can giving your baby a few moments to try, while you stay close. Discomfort Is Normal. And Necessary We all want to protect our kids from pain. But growth—whether it’s learning to crawl, learning to share, or learning to fall asleep—almost always includes some discomfort. If we never let a baby fall when learning to walk, they’d never build the strength or confidence to try again. Learning to sleep solo is no different.Your baby might prefer to fall asleep on your chest, but that doesn’t mean they’re harmed if you sometimes say, “I’m here, and you’re safe, and it’s time to sleep in your crib.” In fact, it’s the beginning of trust. "You’re okay. I believe in you. I’ll help you through it. I'll always come back." Sleep Coaching Can Be Respectful, Attuned, and Loving The sleep coaching I offer is rooted in your baby’s development, your values, and your readiness. We move at your pace. We preserve connection. And we build in flexibility. Crying may happen. But we approach it with intention and support—not panic. Because crying is not the enemy. Exhaustion is. Ready for a Change? If you’re ready to get more rest—and want a plan that works for you and your baby—I’d love to help. Here’s the link to sign up for a free consult. My coaching includes a money-back guarantee because I believe in this process—and in your ability to support your baby with love and confidence. You don’t have to do this alone. We'll give you a clear, actionable plan. And a calm, steady voice to guide you. You and your baby deserve to feel connected and well rested.  You’ll never stop hearing me recommend an early bedtime.
For most kids under six, it’s absolutely the key to longer nights, better behavior, and less overtired chaos. But every once in a while, a child surprises me. Edgar was one such toddler. His mom came to me exhausted, confused, and already doing everything “right.” A 6:30 pm bedtime. Perfectly timed naps. A consistent bedtime routine. Independent self-soothing. All the things. And yet he was still waking up at 4:50 am. Every. Single. Day. Most families I work with start off with a bedtime that’s too late. It’s not unusual to hear “Oh, we aim for 8 pm and she's definitely in bed by 8:30.” But Edgar’s mom was the opposite—she’d done her research and was sticking to the early bedtime I recommend: between 6:30 and 7:30 pm for most young children. In theory, Edgar should have been thriving. But in reality? He was waking up pre-dawn and staying tired all day. So we pivoted. After two months of his mom's textbook effort with little to show for it, we made a bold move. We returned Edgar—16 months old—to two naps a day. Temporarily. Not short, early naps either. He wasn’t tired enough for that. Instead, we pushed nap one a little later, which pushed nap two a lot later. Which meant his bedtime landed around 8:30 pm. Very late by my standards. But you know what happened? He started waking up at 6 am. Consistently. And after a few days of that 6 am waking, he was able to make it to a single midday nap without getting overtired. Leading to a single, two-hour noontime nap and a happy, contented toddler. His mom told me, “He’s not just sleeping later. He's not waking up crying anymore.” And that? That’s the real win. Sometimes, the one percenters need a custom solution. Sleep needs vary, and while most toddlers thrive on an early bedtime and a solid routine, some need a later nap, a longer wake window, or a rhythm that doesn't match the charts. That doesn’t mean the foundations don’t matter. It means we need to observe, adapt, and respond with flexibility until we land on the perfect solution for each individual child. (And yes, because I offer a money-back guarantee, I stuck with Edgar’s mom well beyond the two-week package she originally signed up for. I was bound and determined to get it figured out—and we finally did!) If your toddler is breaking all the rules—and you’re doing everything “right”—let’s talk. Sometimes all it takes is a second pair of eyes and a willingness to think outside the box. I’m here to help. And yes, if we don’t get the results, you get your money back. But more often than not? We figure it out together. Here’s the link to sign up for a free discovery call.  You thought you were out of the woods.
Your baby was finally sleeping stretches you could count on. And then, bam. Out of nowhere: bedtime battles, split nights, and wakeups that feel like newborn déjà vu. Sound familiar? If your baby is around 8 to 10 months old and suddenly sleeping worse, you might be wondering: is this a sleep regression? Is it teething? Separation anxiety? A growth spurt? Are we doing something wrong? Let me reassure you: this is incredibly common... and incredibly frustrating. But there are real reasons it’s happening, and real ways to support your baby through it. What Is the 9-Month Sleep Regression? Around 8–10 months, many babies experience a noticeable disruption in their sleep. While it’s not a “regression” in the sense that your baby is losing skills, it is a period of rapid development that often makes sleep harder. This stage typically includes:
1. Motor Development Is Disruptive Your baby’s body is buzzing with new skills. Just like you might lie awake the night before a big presentation, your baby’s brain is practicing crawling or standing—even in their sleep. 2. Separation Anxiety Peaks Around 9 months, babies begin to understand that you exist even when you’re not in the room. This new awareness can trigger distress at bedtime or during night wakings. 3. Nap Transitions Are Brewing Babies typically shift from 3 to 2 naps by this age. That transition can cause overtiredness or undertiredness, both of which disrupt sleep. 4. Sleep Habits Start to Solidify By now, your baby may have established habits around how they fall asleep. If those habits rely heavily on your help, it can get harder for them to link sleep cycles during this more sensitive stage. What You Can Do You don’t have to wait it out. Here’s how to gently support your baby through this sleep disruption: ✅ Stay consistent with bedtime routines. A predictable wind-down helps signal safety and sleep, even when things feel shaky. ✅ Support but don’t overcompensate.It’s okay to offer comfort—but try not to create brand new sleep associations that will be hard to maintain later. ✅ Evaluate your nap schedule.If your baby is fighting naps or bedtime, it might be time to tweak wake windows or shift to a 2-nap schedule. ✅ Offer safe space for new skills during the day.Let them practice crawling or pulling to stand outside the crib so they’re less likely to rehearse at 2am. ✅ Consider a gentle night weaning program. Night feedings are no longer nutritionally necessary at this age and may actually be contributing to night wakings. You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong This is a tough stage for a lot of families. You’re not alone—and you’re not failing. In fact, these disruptions are a sign of healthy development. Your baby is growing fast, and that growth can temporarily make sleep messy. But with support and a few small shifts, you can get back on track—and so can your baby. Need support? I can help. If sleep has gone off the rails and you’re ready for a plan that works without harsh methods, I’d love to help you find a path forward. Here’s the link to sign up for 1:1 support to get your family well rested and feeling amazing. |
AuthorAbby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Archives
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