 These are the number two questions I get asked in sleep consultations.
Here are my answers. Number one: it depends. Children typically – though not always – cry longer with more parental involvement. You may think that your presence will be soothing – and perhaps it is, no way to know what a little one is thinking – but it’s definitely stimulating. A child can stay awake longer – and therefore cry longer – when there’s someone to interact with. No matter how boring the interaction. Another factor is if you have attempted sleep training before. If you have, and you didn’t complete the sleep training, most likely your child figured out that if they cry or call long enough, you will come take them out of the crib. So they will definitely cry at least that long before falling asleep. A third factor is, not surprisingly, your child’s temperament. The thing about this is: it’s hard to know ahead of time. Almost everyone I talk to think their child is going to be the hardest one yet to sleep train. And in most cases, that is not the case. But it can be hard to predict. Parents who have easy-to-sleep-train children generally don’t hire a sleep consultant. So almost every family I work with has a child they believe is really challenging. And I believe them! But they can’t all be the hardest one ever. 🙂 That being said, here is a ballpark figure: I would say, on average, the typical child who is doing cry it out will cry for about 45 minutes the first night of sleep training. If you choose a more-parental-involvement approach, it will probably take longer. Which is not a problem if that feels like the right approach for your family! It is just data for you to consider. I support parents at all involvement levels. I do not have a one-size-fits-all approach. Every family picks the approach that is right for them. Number two: it also depends. Sorry. If you pick a less-parental-involvement method like cry it out aka extinction, your child will almost certainly be sleeping through the night more quickly than if you pick a more involved method. Again, that doesn’t mean you should do a less involved method. It’s just one factor among many. If your child is currently feeding during the night, sleep training will take longer. In most cases, I recommend a gradual night weaning schedule for babies under age 1 and sometimes even beyond. We don’t want babies crying from extreme hunger at night. Waking from habit is a different story. That can be unlearned. If your child is not feeding at night and you choose CIO, it typically takes 3-5 nights for your child to sleep through the night. Some kids do it much faster and some do it much slower. I would say that in almost every case, though, you’ll see significant progress in 3 nights. If you choose the chair method, it takes 12 nights just to be outside of your child’s room at night (and no longer sitting in sight in the hallway). This might or might not be the right method for your family – it depends on you. No matter how long it takes, one thing to keep in mind is that if you do nothing, your child will almost certainly still be waking up at night. A few harder nights might be worth a payoff? Only you can decide. PS If you’d like help getting your child across the finish line to great sleep, schedule a free consult and lets talk about what a well rested life would look like for your family. Results are guaranteed.
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 Heading back to school can be exciting and also exhausting. Is everyone in your house feeling a bit cranky these days?
If so, you're not alone. As the kids head back to school or childcare—and adults return to their work routines—many families are feeling the strain. After the slower pace and flexibility of summer, the shift back to structured schedules can be exhausting. Even if your kids aren’t in grade school yet, the end of vacation mode impacts the entire household. Sleep habits often slip during the summer, whether it’s from travel, jet lag, or kids struggling to adjust to new environments. Add to that the emotions that come with starting a new school or daycare, and it’s no wonder you’re seeing “big feelings” at home. Transitions are tough for everyone. Here are some strategies to help your family navigate this period more smoothly: Move bedtime earlier. Even if bedtime has returned to what it was before summer, your child might need extra sleep during this adjustment phase. Try shifting their bedtime up by 30 minutes for a couple of weeks. Once they settle into the new routine, you can ease back to the original time. Skip after-school activities in September. It’s tempting to dive into extracurriculars, but tired kids may struggle with the added demands of listening and following directions. Consider a more relaxed approach for the first month—save playground trips and other fun, unscheduled activities for when your child feels up for it. A walk or scooter ride can also help them unwind after a long day. I know you may have already paid for piano/soccer/math tutoring/mommy and me swimming, but your family will thank you if you prioritize rest and rejuvenation over skill building right now. Lower your expectations at home. Children who normally dress themselves or play well together might suddenly need more help. Instead of pushing them to manage independently, try separating them for some quiet playtime or offering extra support with tasks. It’s normal for kids to regress a bit when they’re tired. If you're a family who offers screen time during the week, save it for when you first get home. This will allow you to get dinner on the table in peace, prevent sibling fights, and allow your child some time to decompress. If you don't do screen time, you could offer the Toni Box, a podcast on Alexa (we like Little Stories for Tiny People), drawing, or having your little one "help" you prep dinner. A Learning Tower or similar is great for keeping your toddler or preschooler safe and engaged in the kitchen. A younger child can bang a wooden spoon on the highchair try or bang some measuring cups on the floor. Serve dinner earlier—skip the snack. An earlier dinner can work wonders for tired kids. If they’re used to snacking in the afternoon, they might be too full or exhausted to eat a proper meal later. Swap snack time for dinner as soon as you’re home. Aim for quick, simple meals—nothing fancy. If you are a family who prioritizes family dinners, I applaud you. (My family doesn't do so well with this.) In this case, have childcare provider or parent who is with the children serve dinner and then plan a post-dinner snack or dessert together when the whole family is home. Don’t forget about yourself. You need rest, too. Just like your kids, you’re adjusting to the demands of a new routine. Encourage yourself to cut back on evening commitments and aim for an earlier bedtime. A reminder on your phone might help you stick to it! September can be challenging for many families, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. If your family is struggling with this transition, I’m here to help. Schedule a free consultation, and let’s get your family back to feeling rested and balanced.  Great news for many of us: a new study from the Journal of American Medicine (JAMA) showed that contrary to what we've been taught, most kinds of screen time before bed do not negatively affect sleep.
The study was of 79 children ages 11 to 14 years old. Screen time before bed did not have a measurable impact on how long the children slept. However, screen time in bed led to less sleep, particularly when the child was engaged in either multitasking or playing video games in bed. What does this mean as parents? It means -- if the results hold -- that we no longer have to shy away from screen time before bed. Friday movie night is no longer a problem! That being said, we do need to watch out for screen time creeping into sleep time. So don't let Friday night movie night push bedtime later, or that will negatively affect sleep. And for us adults, well, the same holds true. Scroll in bed all you like, just don't stay up later as a result. Here's the link to the original article: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2822859 PS If you are struggling to get your kids to sleep at bedtime and sleeping peacefully through the night, schedule a free consult and find out how you can get your family back on track in 2 weeks or less, guaranteed. |
AuthorAbby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Archives
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