If your three-year-old is requiring hours of adult assistance to fall asleep at night, even if they have been great sleepers for months or years, you are not alone.

Here's a few reasons why. 

1. The Independence of An Open Bed

By age 3, most kids transition out of cribs and into “big kid” beds. While cribs may look like baby jails to us adults, the containment actually feels cozy and secure to young children. 

Once the crib barrier is gone, all that freedom can feel overwhelming. A 3-year-old may bounce between wanting to “do it myself” and wanting to be babied again. And in the darkness of night, that baby side often comes out. The freedom to wander out of their room into the big, quiet house can feel downright scary.

2. Boundary Testing

Three-year-olds are professional negotiators. They test limits at bedtime, with the potty, when brushing teeth, putting on shoes, or getting out the door. It’s their job developmentally.

And they so unbearably cute. So when your child whispers, “Mommy, one more hug,” or suddenly remembers, “Daddy, Johnny hurt my feelings at school today,” it’s hard to ignore those bids for attention.

But when these requests get (inadvertently!) rewarded night after night, they quickly become patterns.

3. Big Emotions

Three-year-olds are called "threenagers for a reason." They're adept with communicating their desires but not so skilled when it comes to managing their emotions. When every tiny decision can cause a meltdown -- "not the blue cup! I want the red cup!!!!!" -- it's understandably daunting to pick a big battle over bedtime when you're at your most exhausted. 

What You Can Do

1. Use a Barrier

Whether it’s a gate at the door or a "Door Monkey," make sure your child can’t wander the house alone at night.

It's not mean! It actually makes kids feel more secure. And in case of emergency, you’ll know exactly where your child is. (A three-year-old is not capable of exiting the house independently in case of a fire, so the safest place for them is safely contained in their room.) 

(No, a 3-year-old is not capable of escaping a house in a fire!)

This doesn’t mean ignoring them—it just means you go to them, instead of them roaming in the dark.

2. Maintain Boundaries

Be, as Dr Becky would say, "be a study leader." Consistency is everything. Dig deep and stick to your bedtime rules, even when you’re tired. Each time you hold the line, you’re helping your child feel safe within clear boundaries.

3. Pick Your Battles

Let some of the small things go and conserve your energy for the things that matter, like bedtime. Try to prioritize no more than 3 major boundaries each day. Everything else, let go. 

4. Use Visual Supports

A visual timer or bedtime clock can make rules concrete and easy to follow. Children this age thrive on visuals and routines.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

These are just a few of the strategies I share with parents of preschoolers inside my 2-week coaching package.

✔️ Your child can sleep peacefully through the night
✔️ You can reclaim your evenings to rest or connect with your partner
✔️ Mornings can start with a cheerful preschooler instead of a grumpy threenager

And yes—results are guaranteed or your money back. (Psst: I have never had a parent of a three-year-old ask for a refund. This system really works.) 

👉 Would you like to know if this could be the right fit for your family?

Schedule a free consultation.

​Let's talk. You'll come away with some helpful tips whether you decide to move ahead with sleep coaching or not. 

And lastly, know that this is all perfectly normal. Three-year-olds do eventually grow up and mature. But better sleep for everyone helps the maturation process go faster for everyone. 

One of the most common questions I hear is: “My child is already anxious. Wouldn’t sleep training make it worse?”

The short answer? No. Not only is sleep training safe for anxious children, it’s actually one of the best tools to reduce their anxiety and build their confidence.

Why All Children Experience Anxiety 

The world is big and bewildering when you’re little. A toddler suddenly realizes that Mom can walk away. A preschooler notices shadows in the dark. A grade-schooler knows that dogs can growl and school has noisy fire (and shooter!) drills.

Every child feels anxiety at times. Some feel it more strongly than others. And yes, some kids lean “anxious” by temperament or even go on to get an anxiety diagnosis in the future. That doesn’t mean they can’t sleep independently.

In fact, sleep training helps anxious children feel more secure.

Why Avoiding "Scary" Things Makes Anxiety Worse

Research shows that when parents accommodate anxiety—by changing our own behavior to prevent the child from feeling anxious—it unintentionally makes things worse.

For example:

• A child is afraid of dogs.
• Every time a dog appears on the sidewalk, the parent crosses the street to avoid it.
• The child thinks: “Mom thinks dogs are dangerous too. I was right—dogs really are scary.”
  
  

The child’s anxiety grows. Then the parent starts avoiding the park, too. The child’s world shrinks. Anxiety expands.

The Same Pattern Happens With Sleep

When sleep gets hard, many parents understandably “accommodate” their child’s anxiety at bedtime.

Example: your toddler moves to an open bed from a crib:

• They pop out of bed, wander around, or search for you.
• To keep the peace, you sit beside them until they drift off.
• Soon, bedtime takes longer and longer.
  
• Then your child starts waking up at night.
  
• Result: everyone is exhausted.
  
  

Instead of reducing anxiety, this routine tells your child: “You can’t do this alone. Sleep is scary.”

How Sleep Training Reduces Anxiety

Helping your child learn to fall asleep independently—after a warm, loving bedtime routine—isn’t just about longer nights for parents. Independent sleep gives kids confidence.

When you use gentle, consistent sleep training strategies:

• Your child learns: “I can fall asleep by myself. I’m safe.”
• Bedtime battles fade.
• Night wakings stop.
• Anxiety levels drop, both at night and during the day.
  
  

Safe sleep training doesn’t damage an anxious child. It empowers them.

Gentle, Loving Sleep Training Approaches

“Sleep training” doesn’t have to mean leaving your child alone to cry. There are gentle, age-appropriate methods that let you set clear boundaries while staying connected and supportive.

No matter how old your child is, it’s never not too late to sleep train.

Teaching independent sleep skills can dramatically reduce anxiety and restore calm at night and also during the day.

The Bottom Line

Sleep training will help your anxious child to sleep better and feel more confident. Guaranteed or your money back. 

👉 Want expert support with your anxious child’s sleep? [Book a free call with me here.]

A mom recently posted in a parenting group about her 16-month-old. Her toddler was taking a solid 2–2.5 hour nap during the day, sleeping from about 8:30 pm to 7:30 am at night—yet suddenly waking at 1–3 am, full of energy and ready to play.

She explained that they keep the room dark and try rocking her back to sleep, but it doesn’t work. Eventually, she ends up in their bed and after a long stretch, finally falls asleep again. No one, of course, sleeps well.

This mom suspected the issue was "split nights" caused too much daytime sleep. 

She added two more details as a postscript that are very important:

• Sometimes the toddler falls asleep in the car around 11 am.
• She’s unwilling to use “cry it out.”
  
  

Here's why I told her I disagree. And what I would add if she was my client. 

1. The Overtiredness Factor

It might sound surprising, but her toddler is actually not getting enough total sleep.

Here’s the math:

• At night: 10.5 hours in bed, minus a 2-hour waking = 8.5 hours of actual sleep.
• Daytime nap: 2 hours.
• Total: 10.5 hours of sleep in 24 hours.

For a 16-month-old, that’s very low. Most need 12–14 hours in a 24-hour period.

When toddlers (and other young children) are overtired, their bodies release cortisol (a stress hormone), which makes them wired and restless. That “second wind” is what leads to night wakings and middle-of-the-night play sessions in this situation. 

2. Sleep Associations Matter

This is what I didn’t say in the FB thread.

If your toddler is always rocked to sleep, she may come to rely on rocking as the only way to drift off. So when they wake at 1 am (as all humans do, briefly, between sleep cycles), she struggles to get back to sleep on her own.

And then the cortisol that I mentioned earlier makes rocking them back to sleep more challenging. 

Bringing her into the parents' bed can make this even trickier. Even though it’s meant to help, from your toddler’s point of view, it’s a reward: “I wake up, I get rocked, I get snuggles, maybe even some middle-of-the-night play.” It’s reinforcing the exact pattern you want to stop.

3. The Role of Schedule

That mid-morning car nap is a red flag. It suggests she’s tired earlier than expected, likely because her nights aren’t restorative enough. Even though her mom thinks she's getting plenty of sleep. And sleeping in the late morning is not a biologically ideal time,  nor is sleep in the car versus in the crib, which means it's likely not a very restorative sleep. Leading to even more overtiredness. 

For most toddlers around 16 months, the ideal schedule looks something like:
​

• Wake: 6:30–7:00 am
• Nap: 12:00–2:00 pm (in the crib, not the car)
• Bedtime: 7:00–7:30 pm
  
  

That earlier bedtime can feel counterintuitive. But when children are overtired, pushing bedtime later only backfires.

This schedule will mean avoiding the car (stroller, baby carrier) in the late morning until the overtired toddler catches up on sleep debt. But that inconvenience is well worth it when you consider uninterrupted nights of sleep. 

4. What I’d Recommend If She Was My Client

Every family is different, and no, you absolutely don’t need to use “cry it out” if that doesn’t feel right.

But the basic steps I’d walk a client through would be:

• Shift bedtime earlier.
  
• Keep naps consistent around 12 pm. (Avoid the car in the late morning!)
  
• Create a soothing, predictable bedtime routine.
  
• And most importantly: put your toddler down awake, so they learn to fall asleep on their own at bedtime and during the night. 
• Use a soothing method at night that teaches the child had to go back to sleep independently rather than the parent soothing the child back to sleep. (Again, this doesn't need to be cry-it-out).

The Big Picture

Night wakings are a symptom of overtiredness, misaligned schedules, or sleep associations that no longer work as a child grows.

The good news? With the right tweaks, toddlers this age are fully capable of sleeping 11–12 hours at night and taking one solid nap during the day.

If you’re nodding along because your toddler also wakes up in the wee hours ready to party, know that it’s fixable. And you don’t have to do it alone. Schedule a free consultation and get your questions answered about how this could work for your family. 

Many parents tell me, “I have to stay in the room until my child falls asleep.”

Bedtime turns into lying in the dark for 30–45 minutes or even longer, waiting for little eyes to finally close, knowing the dinner dishes, the lunch bags, and work emails await. 

Sound familiar? 

It's so hard to stay calm and patient in those moments when the to do list feels never-ending. 

It doesn't have to be like this.  

A gentle alternative is timed check-ins — stepping out for a short interval, then returning to reassure. Over time, this method helps children feel secure while also learning to settle themselves.

And yes, this works even for kids with separation anxiety, a "spirited" temperament, and extra strong opinions. :) 

In fact, timed checks are especially helpful for kids like these. 

Three ways timed check-ins benefit your child:

1. Builds trust and security

When you consistently return at the times you promise, your child learns: “My parent always comes back.” That predictability lowers anxiety and makes bedtime feel safe.

2. Encourages independence

With you nearby but not right next to them, your child gets to practice falling asleep on their own. That little bit of independence builds confidence they’ll carry into other parts of life, like daycare and school drop offs. 

3. Eases bedtime struggles

As your child grows more comfortable with the routine, the protests get shorter and bedtime becomes calmer. Falling asleep starts to feel less like a battle more like a pleasant ritual you both actually enjoy.

✨ The best part? Your child still feels cared for, while you gain back time and energy in the evenings. Everyone wins.

Ready to try this (with support)?

I know this might sound like an impossible goal.

That's where I can help.

Sleep coaching helps you create -- and consistently implement -- a plan that’s gentle, consistent, and tailored to your child’s needs. And with my money-back guarantee, there’s no risk in getting started. Let's talk about if this might be a good fit for your family. 

If you’ve been putting off sleep training because the thought of leaving your baby to cry alone feels impossible, you are not alone.

For years, parents have been told that “cry-it-out” or timed check-ins are the only way to help babies learn independent sleep. And for many families, those approaches work beautifully. But for others? They feel too harsh and occasionally, just don’t work.

The good news is that there’s now an option that’s changing everything. It’s a virtually no-cry approach that keeps you right there with your baby as they learn to settle. It’s highly supportive, highly responsive, and works even if your baby has never slept more than a 45 minutes at a time, guaranteed.

Here’s what parents who’ve tried it are saying:
​

• “I finally felt like I could help my baby sleep without feeling like I was abandoning her.”
• “By the third night, he was sleeping in longer stretches — and we never had more than a few minutes of fussing.”
• “I wish I had known this was an option months ago.”
  
  

This method isn’t magic — it still requires consistency and commitment — but it bridges the gap between doing nothing and doing something that feels too hard on everyone.

If you’ve been waiting for a way to gently teach your baby to sleep longer stretches — one that honors both their needs and yours — this might be exactly what you’ve been hoping for.

Curious to learn more? Let’s talk about if this could be the perfect fit for your family.