“We have been co-sleeping and we are all exhausted and can’t continue… but I’m scared of the crying, worried I might traumatize her.”

Want to stop bedspring but scared the process will be too hard?

I’m working with 3 different families at this moment that were all co-sleeping and breastfeeding multiple times per night prior to working together.

Family #1 has 21-month-old Hallie, who was sometimes sleeping in her crib and sometimes sleeping with her mom in her parents’ room. Either way, she nursed several times per night. Her mom was very stressed at the idea of Halley crying but was also beyond exhausted with being up multiple times per night and working a busy 4-day work week during the day.

Family #2 has 15-month-old Ophelia, who always slept on her floor bed with her mother and doesn’t have a crib. Ophelia’s mom was also exhausted, but in her case because she is home with the baby and doesn’t ever get a break because she has to lie down with Ophelia at naptime.

Family #3 has 11-month-old Isabel, who has a side car crib which doesn’t really feel safe to her mother, so she ends up cosleeping all night in her mother’s bed while her dad sleeps in another room for safety reasons. Isabella’s mom is a teacher and she is exhausted, just like the other two.

All three mothers scheduled coaching calls to help work through fears of crying (a new service I am offering!), as well as booking sleep coaching packages. We discussed their thoughts and feelings about their daughters’ crying (before starting sleep training). The first two families chose a sleep training method where their partners stayed in the room while their babies were falling asleep, and the third family chose a method where her dad checked in on her every few minutes. The second family bought a crib and the third family put the side back on their crib so that the baby could sleep safely.

All three families saw improvement quickly.

Hallie woke up 3 times the first night, after taking one hour to fall asleep. Her dad rubbed her back and helped her back to sleep. She didn’t breastfeed until morning. The second night, she fell asleep in 20 minutes and woke up twice during the night… but the second time, fell back asleep before her dad even made it to her room to soothe her. The third night, she slept through the night!

She did skip naps the first few days but is now napping independently as well. Her mom commented that Hallie was clingy and fussy for the first few days but now seems much happier.

Ophelia fell asleep in 38 minutes her first night, with her dad rubbing her back as she lay in the crib for her very first time. She had one night feed and 2 additional wakings but didn’t open her eyes for one of them. Her dad rubbed her back and repeated the sleep mantra each time.

The second night, she woke up one additional time and took an hour to fall asleep at bedtime. Night 3 was similar but night 4, she fell asleep in 20 minutes at bedtime and only woke up twice. By night 6, she was still waking twice per night (once for a scheduled feeding) but was no longer crying at night. Her dad continues to soothe her gently at night.

Eleven-month-old Isabel was most surprising of all. She woke 2 nights the first night, including for one scheduled feed. Second night, she only woke up once and skipped her night feeding (despite nursing continuously at night before sleep training), and on night three, slept through the night!

It’s hard to say if it’s a coincidence or not, but the first two families used a more involved method and experienced more crying and for more nights than the third family, who used a less involved method (dad going in every few minutes to briefly soothe her).

In any case, despite a lot of fear and reluctance to sleep train, all 3 families were surprised and pleased by their progress in just a few days. All 3 children are already much more relaxed about bedtime and naps are gradually getting easier for the first and third family, who have started nap training. The second family is still cosleeping and breastfeeding during naps but is eager to tackle naps.

If you have been cosleeping and are scared of traumatizing your child, fear not. The transition may not be easy (or it may be, depending on your child) but it IS doable and it’s NOT traumatic. Frustrating and confusing at first, yes, but not traumatic. And the payoff of better sleep is huge, not just for you but most especially for your child, who needs restful sleep to thrive nearly as much as she needs healthy food to thrive.

If you’re interested in better sleep but not sure you can tolerate crying, you are not alone. Schedule a free consult and let’s talk about what it might look like to get your little one restful sleep. There’s no sales pressure and no commitment. 

You can also schedule a free consult or go ahead and book the "Want to sleep train but scared of the crying" workshop for $89. 

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