The Real Estate Agent Scolded Me. Here's What It Taught Me About People Pleasing.

My goal isn't to become totally fearless. It's just to have a little more of this confidence. (Her "Statue of Liberty" pose.)

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation that would have ruined my day a year ago.

I had reached out to two real estate agents. One responded almost immediately, and we spent the day discussing home possibilities.

The other texts back to me later that day and called me the following day. When I told her I had already decided to work with someone else, she wasn't happy.

She told me I shouldn't expect instant gratification.

She reminded me that people have lives and children.

Then she wished me luck in a terse tone that made it very clear she wasn't actually wishing me luck.

When we hung up, I felt a little stunned.

But not for the reason you might think.

I wasn't stunned that someone had criticized me.

I was stunned that I didn't feel ashamed.

For most of my life, being scolded, even by someone I barely knew, would have sent me into a spiral.

Was I inconsiderate?

Should I apologize?

Did I do something wrong?

This time, none of that happened.

Instead, I found myself thinking:

"She's right. I do appreciate responsiveness."

"And the other agent did too."

"Neither of us was wrong. We just weren't the right fit for each other."

That realization felt strangely... peaceful.

Which was really confusing to me.

I'd spent much of my life scanning every room for signs that someone might be upset with me, because someone being upset with me felt like danger.

It was surprisingly disorienting. I'd spent decades believing that if someone disapproved of me, I must have done something wrong. 

Suddenly, I could imagine that two reasonable people could simply value different things.

If you're someone who feels crushed by disapproval, even from acquaintances, I want you to know something: you don't have to stay that way.

You can learn to hear someone else's disappointment, frustration, or criticism without immediately carrying it as your own.

You can make decisions based on your values instead of everyone else's emotional reactions.

For me, that experience wasn't about real estate.

It wasn't about becoming someone who never disappoints people. It was about becoming someone who can survive disappointing people.
Lots of people do this automatically. 

But not me. 

It sounds so easy but for some of us, it's shockingly hard. 

But so important because the liberation I feel from not worrying about everyone else's opinions all the time is amazing. 

 If you're someone who struggles with this and wants to be liberated too, I'd love to talk. Set up a free consult here.