Want to Sleep Train Your Baby But Worried About Waking Your Older Child?

Molly and Kate had been talking about helping 7-month-old Lucy sleep independently for months.

There was just one problem.

Emma.

Their four-year-old had finally become a great sleeper.

She was proud of sleeping all night in her "big girl bed." She had just started summer camp, spending her days running, swimming, and playing outside. Every afternoon she came home happily exhausted. In a few months, she'd be starting pre-K.

Molly and Kate wanted to set Emma up for success.

Their Brooklyn apartment had only two bedrooms. Lucy was still sleeping in a mini crib in their room, but if they were going to sleep train, she'd have to move into the bedroom she'd soon be sharing with Emma.

But what would that mean for Emma?

What if Lucy cried all night? 

What if Lucy and Emma cried all night? 

The only thing worse than two exhausted parents was two exhausted parents and two exhausted children.

So they waited.

And waited.

Every few weeks, they'd tell themselves, maybe next weekend.

In the meantime, they kept doing what they knew wasn't working.

Every night, one of them got up to feed, rock, or hold Lucy back to sleep. Multiple times.

Even worse, because Lucy slept in their room, bedtime didn't end when she fell asleep.

Later that evening, Molly and Kate would tiptoe into their own bedroom, carefully turning the doorknob, avoiding the squeaky floorboards, and holding their breath as they climbed into bed.

They whispered after bedtime.

They skipped watching TV in bed.

They thought twice before flushing the toilet.

Their whole evening revolved around not waking Lucy.

They were surviving. Barely. 

But they couldn't imagine a better option.

Nighttime had become a game of whack-a-mole.

Because if Emma woke up at night, which luckily had become rare, now they also had to rush to soothe her back to sleep before she woke up Lucy. 

So every decision became about getting through tonight. Survival.

When Molly and Kate reached out to me, they expected me to reassure them that Emma would sleep through everything.

Instead, we talked about something else. The bigger picture. 

Yes, Emma would probably wake up for a few nights while Lucy learned a new way of sleeping.

​Yes, the whole family would probably be more tired at first. 

But Rob and Chris had been making decisions based on avoiding a few difficult nights while accepting months of exhaustion for the entire family.

Which also had a cost for the family. Namely, exhausted parents who were sleepwalking through work and short tempered at home with each other.

There was no great option. But one option kept them stuck and the other kept them moving forwards.

So Molly and Kate finally committed to investing in the long term health and wellbeing of their family. 

We talked about preparing Emma for what was coming.

They told her, "Lucy is learning how to sleep all by herself. You might hear her cry at night, but Mommy and Mama are taking care of her. You don't need to help. You can stay cozy in your bed."

That simple conversation gave Emma something many children need: information.

She didn't have to wonder if her baby sister was hurt. She didn't have to get out of bed to check on her. She knew the grown-ups had it handled.

And that meant Emma was able to stay relaxed in bed and to learn to sleep through her baby sister's noise. 

Just as adults learn to sleep through a barking dog or the train down the street, children can learn which sounds are important and which aren't.

Many older siblings become heavier sleepers than their parents ever expected.

The irony is that parents often spend months trying to protect their older child's sleep, when helping the baby become a better sleeper usually improves sleep for everyone.

Because here's what chronic sleep deprivation steals from a family:

Patience.

Energy.

Playfulness.

The ability to enjoy the day instead of just surviving until bedtime.

When parents finally start sleeping again, everyone benefits.

Lucy learned to sleep through the night... in her sister's room. Emma learned to sleep through the night with Lucy there. And Molly and Kate started enjoying evenings together again, as well as restful sleep at night. 

Everyone benefitted. 

If you're putting off sleep training because you're worried about waking an older sibling, you're not alone. I get it. I've been there. 

The logistics matter. Every child and every home is different.

That's why I create customized sleep plans that take your family's situation into account, whether that means siblings sharing a room, a small apartment, or parents can't bear the thought of cry-it-out.

You don't have to solve bedtime whack-a-mole on your own. I've got you.

Set up a free consult and let's talk through your unique family's challenges so we can get you all sleeping peacefully at night and enjoying your days together during the day.