We Had to Use Cry It Out for Valentina’s Naps

I don’t usually start with cry it out.

As a sleep coach, I know there are many ways children learn to fall asleep independently. Many families prefer gradual approaches, and I support that. Most of the time, we can find a path that feels manageable and respectful for both parents and child.

But sometimes the situation tells you something different.

What Was Happening

At bedtime, things looked good.

If my partner lay down on the floor next to her bed, she would fall asleep quickly. No battles. No long crying. It felt peaceful and manageable.

But naps were a completely different story.

Without a pacifier (we had just removed them), she would stay awake in her bed for an hour and a half. Sometimes longer. She wasn’t sleeping at all. She was playing, chatting, crawling around.

A toddler who doesn’t nap quickly becomes an overtired toddler. Overtired toddlers are not known for their emotional resilience.

So something had to change.

The Decision

The night before yesterday, we decided to let her fall asleep without someone lying next to her.

In other words, we did cry it out.

Not because I think cry it out is always necessary. But because in this moment, the existing system wasn’t working anymore.

She cried and sobbed for about 30 minutes.

Then my partner went in and comforted her for about two minutes. That wasn’t exactly what I would normally recommend, but it was what felt doable for us in the moment.

After that brief comfort, she lay down and fell asleep almost immediately.

That told us something important.

She could do it.

The Next Day: Nap Time




Yesterday at nap time, we tried something small to support her independence.


We gave her a little handheld nightlight that automatically turns off after a few minutes.


She played with it for about 45 minutes.


Then she cried for 30 minutes.


It was brutal to listen to. I won’t pretend it wasn’t.


But eventually, she lay down and fell asleep.


She slept for 30 minutes.


Not a long nap. But a nap.


And more importantly, she had done the entire process by herself.




What Happened Next




Last night we put her to bed.


No one lay on the floor.


No crying.


She simply went to sleep.




What This Means




Children often protest when a sleep habit changes. That protest can be intense. It can feel awful to listen to.


But protest does not necessarily mean something is wrong.


Sometimes it means a child is learning a new skill.


Valentina had been relying on our presence to fall asleep. Once that support was removed, she needed a short window to figure out how to do it herself.


And once she did, the process became much easier.




The Part That’s Hard to See in the Moment




When parents hear crying, the natural instinct is to think:


This isn’t working.


But sometimes the crying is part of the transition between old habits and new abilities.


And once the child crosses that bridge, things often become dramatically simpler.


Which is exactly what happened here.


Last night, she just… went to sleep.


No tears.


No drama.


Just a toddler who had learned something new.


And a house that was suddenly a lot quieter at bedtime.


Sent from my iPhone

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