When and How Can My Kids Start Sharing A Room?

Working with so many clients in New York City where sharing bedrooms is a requirement, I get a lot of questions about when and how to move siblings into the same bedroom.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation to room share (parent and newborn) for at least 6 months to decrease the risk of SIDS. 

When considering moving your baby into the room of your older child, probably your first and biggest concern is if they will wake each other up.

The good news is that older siblings typically sleep through their baby siblings’ crying, or can learn to. Make sure to tell your older child ahead of time that the baby might cry at night sometimes but Big Sibling doesn’t need to worry about it and can keep on sleeping. With reassurance, chlidren that wake up with the crying can sometimes learn to sleep through it. 

If your baby is still waking up multiple times per night to feed, I suggest sleep training before room sharing with the big sibling. You might still have one feeding per night, or none, but multiple feedings is just too disruptive.

In order to sleep train, you have a couple of options. I typically suggest moving the baby into the children’s move and having the older child temporarily sleep in your room with you, on the floor and not in your bed. You don’t want your older child to get used to sleeping with you and have to sleep train them, too!

The reason I recommend this is that then you are able to sleep train the baby in the same environment where you intend for them to sleep for the long term. If you sleep train your baby in your room, you will have another transition to weather, moving the baby to their new room. Also, many parents have a full size crib for the baby in the children’s room but not in the parental bedroom for reasons of space. Again, it’s best to sleep train in the actual conditions where you plan for the baby to sleep.

If for some reason you can’t sleep train in the children’s room, then I suggest you sleep train in the parental bedroom, in a full sized crib if possible, otherwise in whatever sleep space you have been using (Snoo, bassinet, pack n play, mini crib). If your baby is rolling, they should not be in a bassinet any longer. I also suggest that one or both parents move out of the bedroom while sleep training, as being able to hear one’s parents moving and breathing often causes night wakings. Most parents in this situation choose to sleep in the living room. This is especially recommended for the breastfeeding parent, if there is one.

If your baby is still in your room at night but could nap in the children’s bedroom during the day, do that. That’s another opportunity for the baby to get used to the new sleep space.

Once your baby is sleep trained, you’ll need to bite the bullet and move the children into the same room together. Remember to reassure your older child multiple times ahead of time of what to expect. I suggest you tell your older child, “Baby is learning to be a great sleeper just like you! So if you hear Baby crying at night, just keep on sleeping so Baby can learn what to do.”

Big siblings love to be role models!

After the first few days, you’ll want to stop playing Bedtime Whack A Mole. You won’t be able to prevent either child from crying or waking the other. And you do want to be permanently poised to run into the bedroom at a moment’s notice, because that’s not good for your sleep. At some point, you’ll have to let them cry (or play or talk) and figure out how to go back to sleep on their own. This may happen immediately, or it may take some time. But it’s a necessary part of the process. It’s normal to be nervous about this part!

If you’d like some support in moving your kids in together, or with another sleep challenge, set up a free consult and let’s get your family the rest you deserve in two weeks or less, guaranteed. 

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