When Timed Checks Were A Disaster

When Emerson’s parents started sleep training, they decided to do a form of timed checks where instead of checking in in person, they gave a verbal reassurance via the intercom feature of the baby monitor in their son’s room.

They reasoned that opening the door to visually reassure Emmerson would likely lead to him attempting to run out of the room and really upset him in the long run.

To all of our surprise, Emerson did not react well to the verbal check-ins via the intercom. Just like he used to repeatedly visit his parents’ room during the night prior to sleep training, now Emerson was repeatedly requesting verbal reassurance via the intercom. It seemed like our plan to reassure him was actually creating more anxiety.

So after 6 nights of frequent wakings and requests for reassurance, we updated our plan. Emerson’s parents put up photos on his wall of people who love him, so that E could feel loved and secure while alone in his room at night. Then they reminded him at bedtime that they would no longer be doing any check ins via the monitor anymore.

And then we all held our breaths.

After literally just one minute of crying and testing the door on the first night, Emerson returned to his bed. (His parents were watching his progress on the video baby monitor.)

He cried and checked the door 7 more times throughout the night, the longest time being 50 minutes. But as he had already been having multiple night wakings before this, his parents were cautiously optimistic.

The next night, Emerson tested the door and cried for one minute and then was asleep in 10 minutes. He got up to check the door 4 more times that night, but the longest episode lasted 5 minutes and the others were only 1 minute. 

The third night, Emerson only got up twice to check the door, and each episode lasted less than a minute. Same thing happened the fourth night.

The fifth and sixth nights, Emerson slept through the night with zero wakings! And in the morning after the sixth night, he actually told his parents that “staying in bed all night is easy!”

This case was illuminating because it really showed how in our attempts to reassure our children, we can prevent their abilities to learn to self soothe. Frequent check-ins, even over the intercom, were actually causing anxiety for Emerson. Once his parents decide to stop interacting with him – not an easy decision – Emerson quickly grew more confident in his own abilities.

If you are considering sleep training but are worried that your child will feel abandoned or scared, consider the possibility that it might be your child’s dependence on you that is actually creating the fear. I know you have the best of intentions but often times, leaving children to figure things out on their own really is the best thing for them.

PS Little Emerson is five years old. Many parents ask me if their toddler/preschooler/or school aged child is too old for sleep training. The answer is no, it’s never too late.

PPS If your family is struggling with a child’s frequent need for reassurance, you are not alone. Schedule a free consult today and find out how your child can become a confident independent sleeper in just two weeks or less, guaranteed.