I want to sleep train my two daughters, ages 5 months old and 2.5 years old, respectively, but I have a problem. I am scared that if I let either child cry, she will wake her sister. Two children awake at the same time, especially in the middle of the night, is my personal nightmare.
As a result, I am feeding the baby every 2-3 hours all night long, to keep her quiet, and I have to crawl into the crib with my older daughter several times each night to soothe her back to sleep. It can take up to an hour each time to get her sleeping again.
Also, my older daughter refuses to let my husband put her to bed -- she screams if he tries to help -- and I am exclusively breastfeeding the baby, so I have to do everything myself.
I am completely exhausted and I don’t know what to do. Please help!
Fear of waking a sibling is a common theme with the parents I work with. Many of my clients live in apartments or small houses. And many of my families with twins need or want to keep their children together in one room.
I get it. I've been there. I was in a one bedroom apartment until my older daughter was one. Then I had a two bedroom apartment until my younger daughter was two-and-a-half. And of course, my children still share a room whenever we travel.
So we have experienced a lot of room sharing in my life as a parent. It's challenging, no doubt about it.
Here's my advice: lean in. Embrace the pain. Don't try to keep one quiet to avoid waking the other.
Here's why: as long as you are desperate to keep one child quiet to avoid waking the other, your children are in control. And if they are a toddler or older, they undoubtedly know it. And will use it to their advantage.
Unlike new parents, children are designed to learn to sleep through their siblings' noises. There is no biological advantage to a sibling waking up to the sounds of another child, so with practice, they can learn to sleep through it.
This is especially true for twins but also holds true for siblings with an age difference.
Here's some more specific tips:
If you would like achieving this goal, or any other sleep goal, schedule a free chat and get your family the sleep you deserve.
Abby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and former NICU nurse. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.