Peaceful Parent Sleep Coaching -- baby and child sleep consultant for parents of young children in Brooklyn and globally
  • About
  • Services
  • Free Consult
  • Sleep & Parenting Hacks
  • Success
  • Videos
  • Life Coaching
  • About
  • Services
  • Free Consult
  • Sleep & Parenting Hacks
  • Success
  • Videos
  • Life Coaching

Sleep & Life Hacks

Deeply Feeling Kids: Don't Leave Them Floundering In the Deep End

11/28/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
Dr Becky taught me the idea of “Deeply Feeling Kids.” This idea has transformed my parenting as well as they way I coach my clients.

One of the metaphors she shared in her latest DFK workshops was comparing emotional regulation to learning to swim.

She says, “we don’t get mad at our kids for not knowing how to swim. We don’t leave them alone in the deep end.”

In the same vein, we shouldn’t get mad at our kids for not knowing how to regulate their emotions yet. We can’t teach them emotional regulation. They absorb emotional regulation from us.

What that looks like in my own parenting practice: when my younger daughter has a meltdown, I go to where she is, take her by the hand, and take her to another room. I offer a cuddle, which she may or may not accept. I allow her to vent about the monstrous things her sister is done while I make sympathetic noises.

Things I do not do: ask about my DFK’s role in the conflict, point out that my older daughter probably had a valid point, or label my DFK’s emotions.

(Imagine if you came home from work one day and said to your spouse, “Omg, my boss was such a jerk today!” And your loving spouse replied, “Wow, you sound really mad.” You would want to strangle them.)

I also don’t leave her alone to figure it out. I don’t punish her big feelings with a time-out.

I sit on the floor, or the couch, with her. I stay close. I tell her, “I believe your feelings. In this family, we believe each other’s feelings.” (This is another Dr. Becky gem.)

Believe it or not, these strategies have her reduced the frequency of her tantrums by 90%.

But the best effect of these strategies? Is believing, with all my heart, that when she grows up, she’ll want to stay close to me because I stayed close to her during these challenging times. Instead of big feelings tearing us apart, they are bringing us closer together.

With my clients, one of the challenges we work on is changing our beliefs about why our children act a certain way. If we believe it's a choice, we will react very differently than if we believe they are just out of their depth. I encourage my clients to always believe children always do the best they can. 

Are you struggling to tame emotional meltdowns in your family? Schedule a complimentary life coaching call at 


0 Comments

    Author

    Abby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. 

    Archives

    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019

    Categories

    All
    Achieving Your Impossible Goals
    Adolescents
    Breastfeeding
    Coaching
    Developmental Leaps
    Early Waking
    Illness
    Life Coaching
    Living Internationally
    Naps
    Newborns
    Overtiredness
    Positive Reinforcement
    Postpartum Depression
    Preschoolers
    Self Soothing
    Setting Limits
    Sibling Challenges
    Single Parents
    Sleep Crutches
    Sleep Deprivation
    Sleep Essentials
    Sleep Obstacles
    Sleep Schedules
    Sleep Training Methods
    Sleep Training Success
    Sleep Transitions
    Strong Attachment
    Tantrums
    Thought Work
    Time Changes
    Travel
    Twins
    Vulnerability

    RSS Feed

SCHEDULE A FREE CONSULT
Picture
Every child deserves a great night's sleep.
​© 2019 Peaceful Parent Sleep Coaching. All Rights Reserved. Storybrand Website Design by Red Door Designs