Adding a new baby to your family is a time of great excitement… and great fatigue, of course.

While it’s inevitable that the baby’s parents are exhausted, everyone will be much happier if the big sibling is well-rested.

Here are some tips to help make that happen.

1. If at all possible, PLEASE please please get your older child sleeping well before the new baby arrives.
   
   If your soon to be big sibling is sleeping in your bed, get them out well in advance of the new baby’s arrival. You don’t want your older child to feel displaced by the new baby – that will lead to tons of sibling rivalry and jealousy for your older one.
   
   And if you want to continue bedsharing with your older child, know that it is imperative that the new baby doesn’t ever bedshare with a sibling. That means you’ll need to be extra careful about falling asleep in bed while feeding the baby. I suggest you don’t ever feed in bed in that situation. Get a comfortable chair near the bed and take care not to fall asleep there, either. 
   
   If you currently stay with your child while she falls asleep, likewise, stop well before your new baby arrives, unless you are confident that you have a parent who can stay with the older child every night for months to come. For the same reasons as above.
   
   
2. Protect your big sibling’s bedtime above the baby’s needs. And make sure to tell the baby so, in earshot of the big sibling.
   
   Your big sibling will frequently need to compromise to make allowances for the new baby. Don’t let bedtime be one of those times. If your older child is sleep deprived, everyone suffers.
   
   And if the big sibling feels like he is never the first priority, he will act out with the baby. He needs to know that sometimes, he comes first. Telling the baby this in front of him ensures that he knows that you love him just as much as the baby.
   
   If at all possible, have a parent do the big sibling’s bedtime every night that one of you is home. Another adult can care for the baby at that time. The baby won’t know the difference.
   
   If the baby is exclusively breast fed, either have the other parent do the big kid’s bedtime, or, if there is only one parent, bring the baby to the big kid’s room and nurse while you read to your older child. Do not have an non-parent alternate caregiver put your big kid to bed for the first month or two.
   
   
3. Don’t start bedsharing with your older child out of desperation. Keep the sleep rules the same as they were before the new baby arrived. Even if your older child protests, consistency and predictability is very important for your big one.
   
   
4. Perhaps it goes without saying, but make sure each child (and perhaps the parents too) have a good white noise machine near their bed. My favorite, hands down, is the Hatch Rest. I held off for years but it really is worth the little bit of extra money. (I splurged on the adult Hatch with the sunrise alarm clock for myself and it's awesome.)
   

Last but not least, if you are struggling to get your older child’s sleep on track with the disruption that a new baby brings to the family, you are not alone. Life with a newborn is tough. Try to be kind to everyone, most especially yourself, and remember that while those exhausting days feel endless, in reality they (usually) pass quickly. 

PS If you'd like help getting your family's sleep on track, schedule a free consult and discover how you can have a much easier family life with a well- rested older child, even with a new baby in your home. 

Never before released: Meet Abby and get advice on how to prevent and treat the 4-month sleep regression.

And if your baby is like many babies and has a serious case of FOMO, don't panic. Set up a free consult to get some advice and see if coaching is right for your family.  

I don't know about your four-month-old, but mine is still a little shaky in her ability to hold onto toys. But she's ever so pleased when she's able to get things to her mouth.

This "silicone teething mitten" is great because there's a silicone bar inside that she somewhat reflexively grabs onto, plus the "mitt" shape of the toy also helps it stay on her hand.

It's not perfectly easy yet but she has a much higher success rate at getting it to her mouth. And it has some fun nubby things to suck or chew on. So far she can't get the top ones to her mouth but hopefully she'll be able to soon.

And the whole thing is made of silicone so there's no danger of plastic toxicity.

​I don't receive anything for my recommendation. Just sharing because I like the product.

What's your favorite baby or child product? Please send a mention my way!

PS If you'd like to get your baby sleeping through the night and generally looking happier, set up a free consult and we can have your family sleeping peacefully through the night in two weeks or less, guaranteed.  

If you are feeling ready to sleep through the night again, you aren’t alone! I am working towards that goal myself. Here’s how to night wean.

Step One

Gradually, gently lengthen out the interval between feeds during the day. Start with a goal of feedings every 3 hours, then work towards every four hours. There is no rush.

Try distraction as a tool for increasing the time between feeds. My favorite distraction is going outside for a walk. It’s amazingly effective.

Once your baby is comfortably feeding four times a day plus any night feeds, proceed to step two. Don’t be surprised if you already see an improvement in night sleep just from completing step one!

You may also find that your baby is much less likely to cry to eat once you are on a regular schedule, and that they are happy to wait until the scheduled time.

Step Two 

Gradually, gently, reduce one night feeding at a time. If your baby only feeds once per night, start with that one. If your baby feeds two or more times per night, pick one of those feedings. I usually suggest the second feed, then the first feed, then the third feed, if there are three. 

Every other night, reduce that one feeding only by either 30 seconds (if you are breastfeeding) or ½ ounce (if you are bottle feeding). If your baby takes both bottle and breast, experiment and see which is easier to reduce. I have done it both ways. 

Your baby may fuss when you reduce the feed, but in my experience, they rarely cry for long. 

Rest assured, you are only reducing the feed by roughly 15 calories every other night, so your baby really won’t be starving. It’s normal to be anxious about this but they really will be fine!

Once that first feeding is eliminated, start reducing the next feed, if there is one, until all feedings are successfully eliminated. 

And voila, you have a baby who sleeps through the night! 

Caveats

Most sources say to wait until 12 pounds but none of my three babies were that big and none of them had issues with weight gain despite night weaning. Check with your pediatrician if you are concerned.

Tribeca Pediatrics, a huge practice with offices all over New York City as well as in LA and Chicago says that you can night wean at 2 months old. Other pediatricians are much more conservative. 

Another thing: if you are breastfeeding, you want to make sure that your supply is well established before reducing the number of nursing sessions… but you can use a breast pump to make up for one or more missed sessions. Using a high quality pump and pumping on both sides will increase your output. I suggest a hands free pumping bra to make this a lot more convenient. Not to worry, you can use the same bra all day long. It's worth the investment!

That said, some women’s supply never gets beyond a certain limited volume and if that is you, you may need to nurse more frequently and/or supplement.

I have had very good luck with Mother’s Milk Tea for boosting supply.

Another caution, if your baby has reflux, you may not be able to increase the duration of time between feeds. (The general rule of thumb with reflux is “half as much (volume), twice a frequent.”

That being said, my baby is a heavy spitter (though does not have pain nor difficulty gaining weight and therefore does not have a diagnosis of reflux) and I manage this with a LOT of spit up cloths and offering a dream feed in the evening before I go to bed, in order to boost her total daily intake without overloading her stomach at any given feeding.

Conclusion

Night weaning really isn’t that complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy, for emotional reasons, of course. 

If you’d like help getting your little one sleeping through the night, whatever their age, set up a free consult and we will make your dreams a reality. 

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Wake windows are all the rage nowadays, but the concept is actually a fairly recent invention. 

They are basically a way to predict sleepy cues, and also to help parents whose babies don’t reliably show sleepy cues. Even if your baby does show sleepy cues, wake windows can help you plan your day.

For example, if you know your baby is typically awake for 75 minutes after she wakes up in the morning and before she shows sleepy cues and is therefore ready to go down for her first nap, that means her wake window is roughly 75 minutes.

You can use this to plan your day. For instance, after I feed and diaper the baby, I know I can reliably put her in her baby gym to play for 30 minutes while I get her sister ready for school. But if I try to shower too, I’ll be dealing with an overtired baby who will be hard to get down for her nap. It'll be better to put her down in her crib first and then shower. She'll nap longer and I'll enjoy my shower more without a wailing baby.

Always go by sleepy cues first if your baby shows signs of being tired BEFORE the wake window is up. 

But if your baby doesn’t show sleepy cues, use wake windows instead. 

Wake windows generally start out shorter and get longer throughout the day.

For a baby in the three-month-range, for example, her wake windows might be 60-75-75-90 minutes. That is, 60 minutes from her morning wake time until the first nap, 75 minutes of awake time (including feeding and diapering!) between the first and second nap and again between second and third naps, and 90 minutes between the final nap of the day and bedtime. 

Every baby is different in terms of sleep needs and wake windows so again, use your own baby's sleepy cues to predict her wake windows. 

When should you NOT use wake windows?

I generally advise stopping them by 5-6 months. At this age, your baby should be ready to settle into a predictable clock-based schedule. That might look like:

7 am wake up
9 am nap
12 pm nap
3 pm 
7 pm bedtime 

With older children it can be helpful to know, for example, that your child needs to be awake 4-6 hours after naptime and before bedtime, but since this is such a wide range of times, it’s not terribly useful. I find it easier to say, “don’t let your child nap past 3 pm” than to focus on the wake window. 

​If you'd like help getting your child's sleep schedule optimized so that the whole family sleeps well, set up a free consultation and we'll get your family well-rested in two weeks or less, ​guaranteed. 

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The best way to know if your baby is tired is to use sleepy cues. They can be tricky to spot at first but with practice, you’ll get better and better at them. Here are some examples. Not all babies have all of these cues, but all babies will have some of them.

And they start from the earliest newborn days so it's never too soon to start looking for them. They include: 

• Less eye contact from baby.
• Less smiling. 
• More staring off into the distance versus engaging with people or toys.
• Red eyebrows or red eyes (my kids have never had these but clients have mentioned seeing them in their own kids).
• Snuggling her head into your neck (after she has gained at least some head control).
• Eye rubbing. 
• “Fuzzy eyes” – I don’t know how to describe this except to say that Valentina’s eyes look different when she’s tired. 
• Yawning. This is a powerful one. Once you see this, leap into action!

Fussiness is a sign of overtiredness. Do not wait for fussing to put your baby to bed because once she’s overtired, it’s a LOT harder for her to fall asleep.

Caveat: chronically overtired babies often don’t show sleepy cues. If that’s the case with your little one, go by wake windows. I’ll be explaining them in tomorrow’s post. 

Sleepy cues also work for older kids!

In toddlers, preschoolers, and beyond, yawns may be followed by a burst of energy, called the “second wind.” If your child starts to bounce off the walls before bedtime each night, he doesn’t need more exercise, he needs an earlier bedtime.

The goal is always to get your child while they are still calm and collected, just a little quiet and dazed. 

Even adults have sleepy cues. If you find yourself yawning, get yourself to bed stat, dirty dishes be damned. Missing that magic window, just like with children, makes falling asleep much more difficult. 

PS If you’d like help deciphering your baby’s sleepy cues, or you’re worried your baby doesn’t have them, schedule a free consultation and get your family’s sleep on track in two weeks or less, guaranteed. 

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With Valentina on the way, I ordered some new swaddles to try them out. I was particularly excited to try out one of the arms up swaddles because I had heard folks rave about them.

Well, to my disappointment, it was a huge disappointment for us. Having her arms up near her head meant she kept swatting herself in the face. She barely slept in it at all – her arms kept waking her.

Ultimately I went back to my favorite from my older girls, the Miracle Blanket. 

What I like about the Miracle blanket is:

1. No noisy velcro to wake a sleepy baby. 
2. It’s mostly Houdini-proof. Nothing is 100% but this is pretty darn close. 
3. The baby’s own weight holds her arms down. It’s very clever. 

The newborn months pass quickly but when it’s needed, a swaddle is really needed. 

Soon we’ll be moving to the Magic Merlin Suit and then the Woolino sleep sack. I’ll post reviews as we do!

Want help getting your new baby sleeping longer stretches, even without sleep training? Set up a free consult and find out how we can get your whole family sleeping better in two weeks or less, guaranteed! (I also work with families of older children.) 


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I was really excited to have another baby now, as an experienced sleep coach, to see if having that experience would change my parenting. (Rest assured, no pun intended, I was also excited for other reasons.) I was not yet a sleep coach with the first two; I just read and researched a lot about sleep with them.

I also thought that I would post short daily updates about my newborn and that was lesson one: do not overestimate what you can get done with a newborn! I had forgotten how fast and simultaneously slow the days can go by when you are in an endless cycle of feeding, diapering, and rocking a baby. I did get a shower in every days but some days, not much more. 

Lesson number two was that I always advise parents to “anchor” the day with a reliable wake up time, generally between 6-7 am although it could be as late as 7:30 with a baby under 5 months.

Now, having a newly 4-month old of my own, and not needing to get her out of the house for daycare, I prefer not to have a set wake time for her. If she was up at 5:30 to eat, I’d prefer that she sleep until 8:30, if she wants to. Waking her at 7:30 seems ridiculous. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I do like having a predictable bedtime for her, around 7 but… sometimes she goes to bed earlier or later. Last night she went to bed right on time but started waking up 1.5 hours later, something she hasn’t done in ages… after the fourth pacifier re-insertion, I got her up and as soon as I unwrapped her swaddle and laid her on the bed, she happily kicked and cooed. After a few minutes she ate a rather large meal and then went back to sleep until 5:30 this morning.

So I’m more flexible than I used to be.

And the third thing I’ve learned and that has changed my practice is a subtle shift about the earliest age a baby can be sleep trained. Valentina needed to be rocked to sleep every time she slept until one day, when she was 3 months old, I laid her down on the bed, swaddled, while I stepped out of the room for a moment. When I came back, she was asleep.

I was stunned. And the very next night, I couldn’t get her to sleep, despite rocking, burping, feeding… and she was wailing miserably despite all my efforts. So I put her in her bed and let her cry it out. At 3 months. An age I would have previously suggested was too young.

It took two nights but now she puts herself to sleep independently most of the time. And usually sleeps 9-10 hours now.

My partner still likes to rock her to sleep and that’s another thing I’ve learned – you don’t have to be absolute about rules when you start sleep training young. 

If you'd like to get your baby sleeping beautifully through the night, or napping independently, set up a free consult and let's chat about making your dreams a reality. 

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