Can I Let My Big Kid Sleep Late on Weekends? How Do We Handle Sleepovers, Late Rehearsals, Endless Homework?

School-aged children and adolescents have a whole new set of sleep challenges. No more rocking a downy little head to sleep... now you may be struggling to stay awake until your child goes to bed.  
​
But even if she doesn't show it, your tween or teen needs your help with sleep structure just as much as ever. 

Did you know that adolescents often need more sleep than school-aged children, despite being older, because their bodies are growing and changing so fast?

Unfortunately, at the same time that their sleep needs increase, their body clocks shift later, so that it's harder for them to go to sleep early. And at the same time, they are often hit with the added challenge of an earlier start time for middle or high school. (This is despite the fact that multiple studies have shown that older children perform better academically, are physically healthier, and are less likely to be in car accidents with later start times for school.) 

All the reasons you should care about your adolescent getting great sleep are listed below, but in case you are short on time, here's how to get your older child better sleep to feel his or her (or their) best. 

1. Maintain authority over their bedtime for as long as you can. Set a time and stick to it. Even if your child says he hates you for it. Your job is to be his parent, not his friend. Sympathize but stay strong. This is an unfortunate part of adolescence but it won't last forever.
   
   
2. If your child struggles to wake up on school mornings, she needs an earlier bedtime. Period.
   
   It will no doubt be an unpopular decision but her body will thank you.
   
   
3. Maintaining consistency in bedtime on weekends as well as weekdays will lead to a happier, more rested child (but it won't happen overnight). Give it at least two weeks, although a month would be even better, and ask your child if they don't feel better.
   
   
4. Wake your child, even on weekends. Especially if she struggles with falling asleep at night.
   
   Sorry. Feel free to hate me as your child will hate you. :)
   
   Sleeping late is delicious, it's true, but sleeping late on the weekends is akin to changing time zones twice in three days. If your child sleeps late on Saturday and Sunday mornings, he will no doubt be unable to go to bed early on Sunday night... and Monday morning will hit him like a Mack truck. Just when he needs to be alert for his classes. Imagine if he was driving while that sleepy!
   
   
5. No napping. Once your child gives up the nap in the preschool years, naps should be reserved for illness, only. If it's just impossible to prevent, set an alarm (on a device across the room from your sleeping adolescent) to limit the nap to 30 minutes or less. Any more than that and the night sleep will be negatively impacted which will set into play a domino effect of difficulty getting up on school days.
   
   And if your older child regularly seeks a nap... this is another sign that bedtime is too late. So is falling asleep in the car at random times. Move that bedtime earlier.
   
   
6. Keep electronics out of the bedroom. She will hate you for this one, too. But the blue light makes it harder for their brains to wind down and fall asleep, even if they feel relaxed while scrolling. Social struggles will only be amplified late at night. And all too many tweens and teens keep their phone alerts on all night, disturbing their sleep all night long. Those sleep disturbances have real academic and physical consequences. Don't allow it.
   
   Electronics should be turned off one hour before bedtime and left outside the bedroom, ideally under parental supervision.
   
   
7. Limit sleepovers to special occasions. Children love them, but the entire family will pay the price for them... often for several days afterwards. If an exception must be made, enforce a bedtime during the sleepover (it can be a bit later than usual, but not too late) or ask the friend's parent to do so. Please do not shrug and head to bed while the children are glued to electronics in the living room.
   
   If possible, have the sleepover on a Friday night, and plan for a low-key weekend afterwards so your child has ample time to recover.
   
   And if your child is sleeping at someone else's house, it should go without saying, but please prioritize safety. Confirm that an adult will be home the entire home, that there won't be any extra adults around, that there are no accessible firearms in the house. Make sure to tell your child -- privately -- that if she feels uncomfortable at any point, she should call you and you will come pick her up, no questions asked. You might even suggest a code word so that she can tell you she's uncomfortable without embarrassment in front of her friends.
   
   
8. Limit late-night team practices, rehearsals, performances and other deviations from the bedtime schedule. Be the unpopular parent who pulls his child out rehearsal early in order to be home for bedtime. Save the exceptions for truly special occasions. Your child is relying on you to be his fearless leader so that he can function in school the next day.
   
   
9. Set time limits on homework. When the clock strikes a certain pre-agreed upon hour, the schoolwork gets put away, no matter what. If necessary, and if your tween or teen agrees, send a message to the teacher explaining that your child wasn't able to finish the homework in your family's allotted time but she can spend more time on it tomorrow.
   
   Support your child in setting up an afternoon homework routine that includes a brief snack, plus a mental and physical break after school -- getting some exercise really helps to reset the brain to focus on homework -- and then help her focus on homework before dinner, before she is exhausted. Homework will go much faster than if she waits for later in the evening. 
   
   

Having an older child or adolescent is hard and often thankless work. Rest assured -- no pun intended -- your older child or adolescent needs you more than ever, even if he doesn't show it. 

If you aren't convinced that sleep is that important to older kids, here are some great statistics, all cited by pediatrician and sleep researcher Dr. Marc Weissbluth in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child:

• Short sleep duration in 7- and 8-year old children predicts hyperactivity.
  
  
• A single night of restricted sleep in 10- to 14-year olds impairs verbal creativity and abstract thinking.
  
  
• Comparing groups of children with high IQ's to children with average IQs, the high IQ children slept more at every age than the average IQ children.
  
  
• A study of 5,500 Japanese children found that children with higher grades slept longer than children with lower grades.
  
  
• In a study of identical twins with sleep differences, the twin who slept longer had better reading, vocabulary, and reading comprehension scores than the less rested twin. 
  
  
• In a study on children with ADHD, improving sleep duration radically improved peer relations and academic performance. 
  
  
• In an experiment on sleep restriction on 11- and 12-year olds, one group of children was restricted to 6.5 hours of sleep for 6 nights while the other group slept 10 hours at night. The sleep-restricted group had measurable inattentiveness, irritability, non-compliance and academic struggles compared to the well-rested group. 
  ​
  
• And finally, here's a list from the American Academy of Pediatrics of health consequences of sleep deprivation in adolescents:
  • increased risk of obesity
  • increased risk of diabetes
  • increased risk of high blood pressure and stroke
  • increased rate of car accidents
  • increased risk of depression, anxiety, and suicide
  • increased risk-taking behaviors
  • emotional dysregulation and decreased positive affect ("good mood")
  • more stressed
  • less motivated 
  • academic struggles including: decreased executive function, attention, abstract thinking abilities, academic performance, attendance and increased rates of school drop out. 
    
    

We should all lobby for middle and high schools to open later so that older children can sleep later. But even if they do, older children still need our help with setting and maintaining reasonable bedtimes and wake times.​

Do you need some help setting up new sleep routines for your older child or adolescent? It's never too late to make changes. Set up a free consult and let's get your not-so-big-little-one the sleep they deserve to be their gender-inclusive best.