A new client asked me yesterday about her 5-month-old’s short naps. Her baby would only sleep 30-45 minutes unless a parent held her, in which case she could sleep as long as 2 hours. What should this parent do?

Short naps at 4 and 5-months-old are common and normal, unfortunately. So there’s nothing wrong with this baby. My 5-month-old daughter does the same, apart from her first nap of the day (which sometimes starts as early as 6:30 am, so is really just a continuation of night sleep).

Here are the options. 

1. Allow the short naps and shorten up your baby’s wake windows to compensate. If your baby only sleeps 30-45 minutes, which is exactly one sleep cycle, you can be confident that she will get tired again quickly, sometimes even before having another feed. It’s fine to put her down without a feeding if this is the case!
   
   With this approach, it’s important to know that your baby will need extra naps each day, to compensate for their brevity. Typically this is 4-5 naps a day. It could even be more with a very young baby.
   
   This is the approach I am used with my daughter. 
   
   
2. Help your baby to extend his naps. In this scenario, you would put the baby to sleep in his crib, preferably putting him down awake, but then rush in when you hear him start to stir at the 30-45 minute mark, then either hold him, feed him, insert the pacifier, or pat him back to sleep.
   
   This can be very effective for some babies. The trouble is, not all babies will cooperate with this plan. When my baby wakes up at 30-45 minutes, she’s often very smiley and alert. If this happens, she’s unlikely to go back to sleep. If she’s fussy, reinserting the pacifier can often buy us a few more minutes of sleep but it’s unlikely to lead to a nap longer than an hour (which is much more restful than 30-45 minutes).
   
   
3. Use sleep training to extend the naps. In this case, you must put your baby down awake and then use your preferred method to help her fall asleep (cry it out, timed checks, chair method, shush and pat, or pick up put down). Then, when your baby wakes up at the 30-45 minute mark, you use the exact same method to help them fall back to sleep.
   
   This method takes patience, as it’s harder for a baby to put herself back to sleep than it is to fall asleep independently at the start of the nap – her sleep pressure is low after 30-45 minutes.
   
   I recommend parents shoot for 60-90 minutes of crib time if choosing this method, so that you know there is a limit to how long you are working hard to extend the nap. It's important to give your baby enough time to succeed, though, so you don't want to make this crib time too short. 
   
   This method is also the most likely to be successful, long term, but again, it takes an investment of time, patience, and a willingness to listen to some crying.
   
   

If you choose method 1 or 2, or choose to contact nap for some naps, know that your baby is likely to have an improved ability to nap at least an hour as he gets older. By 6-7 months, as babies typically go to 3 naps a day on their own, the naps generally lengthen out (at least the first two naps of the day; the third nap of the day will remain short in most cases). If this doesn’t happen for your baby, I recommend you do some nap training at this point, so that your baby doesn’t get overtired.

If your baby is contact napping all or most of the time, or relying on motion (car or stroller), you will almost certainly need to do some nap training to achieve independent, restful naps. 

Nap training typically takes longer than night training, so don’t get discouraged if it takes at least a week to see some progress, and 2-4 weeks to get really great naps. Sleep pressure is low after a short nap, so consistency is key to achieving success.

PS If you’d like help getting your baby to achieve restful naps, I’m here to help. Schedule a free consult and find out how you can achieve amazing results in 2 weeks or less, guaranteed. 

​

Weaning off the swaddle can be an intimidating thought.

I admit I was nervous to make the switch, too! But Valentina is now 5 months old and although she still shows no interest in rolling onto her stomach, lately she's been waking up more at night in need of a pacifier reinsertion. I thought that moving towards sleeping in a sleep sack might help because she could access her hands for soothing without needing adult assistance. 

Using the Magic Merlin sleep suit really helped the transition for my middle child and someone gifted us a used one for Valentina so that made my decision easy. 

We started using the Merlin for her first nap on Sunday. Not surprisingly, she was very confused to be put in her crib without her swaddle for the first time, and needed some assistance falling asleep. I ended up rocking and singing for a bit but laid her down not fully asleep. She woke up every 30 minutes during that first nap but was able to fall back to sleep again multiple times with some chest patting and shushing.

For the second nap, I was able to lie her down with minimal rocking and she had fewer wakings. Yay!

And by bedtime, after napping in the Merlin for every nap that day, she was able to put herself to sleep independently. She woke up 4 times that night for pacifier reinsertions. 

But last night, night two, she didn't wake up once!!! 

And this morning, she (accidentally) fell asleep on my bed while I was pumping without any help or even a pacifier. So she's definitely getting the hang of unassisted sleep. 

I don't have a firm date in mind but plan to move her to a standard sleep sack soon. I ordered two Woolino merino wool sleep sacks that should help her stay warm because it can get very cold in our uninsulated, unheated house in December and January. They are pricey but fit up until age 2 so hopefully it was a wise investment. 

I thought I would share our experience in case you are feeling intimidated by the transition as well.

My tips, based on our experience:

1. Start with the first nap of the day, because that is typically the easiest nap for your baby to fall asleep. 

2. Start the transition on a day where you can be home to assist with naps. A quiet weekend day was ideal for us. 

3. Don't hesitate to assist with falling asleep if your baby is struggling. Just try to offer a little less assistance with each nap. 

***I didn't need to do this but it's fine to skip the Magic Merlin and do a nap in whatever fashion you like for the final nap of the day. 

4. After a full day of naps in the Magic Merlin, your baby should be ready to sleep in it at bedtime! 

***I didn't need to do this but if nighttime sleep is a struggle, it's fine to just use the Merlin for the first part of the night and then revert back to the swaddle. Just keep trying and your baby will soon adjust. 

****The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends stopping the use of the swaddle once your baby begins to try to roll, which typically occurs, they say, at ages 3-4 months but could be earlier. 

PS If you'd like help getting your own baby (or older child!) sleeping peacefully through the night, schedule a free consult and find out how your family can be beautifully well-rested in two weeks or less, guaranteed. 

I thought it would be interesting for other parents to read my story of night weaning while I was doing it so that you can know the good, the bad, and the ugly and not just my romanticized version months or years later. Not because I would lie but because it's easy to forget the details once you're out of the experience. 

So here it is, in (excruciating?) detail, logging as frequently as I could remember despite the sleep deprivation. 
 
September 18, 2023

​V is 4 months now and those 10+ hour stretches at night haven’t been seen for a while.

Meanwhile, despite her low birth weight, just 5 pounds even, she looks chubbier than ever. Her doctor is pleased with her growth. And I’m back to work and exercise and ready for better sleep. 

Night one, Sunday, September 18: I asked my partner to feed her a bottle of exactly 3 oz during the night, planning to decrease a half ounce every other night. I figure she’ll protest less with him than if I nurse her. 

He feeds her at 1:30 am (earlier than usual) and she spits up everything, requiring an outfit change and not one but two trips to the kitchen, all the lights on, with a wailing hungry baby. 

Total time awake: 2+ hours. 

Night two, Monday, September 19th. New plan. I scrap the bottle idea and decide I’ll nurse her instead and decrease the time by 1/2 minute every other night. I figure not having to turn lights on to heat a bottle and wait for said bottle to warm is worthwhile in terms of keeping the baby sleepy and thus, getting her back down again. Less ideal for my sleep but a win for my partner!
 
She wakes up at 1:30 am, earlier than usual again, after eating every 2 hours all day, more frequent than usual AND downing a huge bottle of pumped milk before bed. 

I nervously nurse her for just 4 min 30 seconds and to my amazement, she doesn’t protest at all being put back in the crib. 

HOWEVER, she then wakes up again at 5, a first. Darn. 

So I give her a full feeding, then drink some Mother’s Milk Tea while I pump. This is to try to bump up my supply, because prolactin, the hormone that leads to breast milk production, is highest in the early morning. 

I’ll be tired later but I’ll exercise when I’m done and who knows, maybe I can grab a nap later? Unlikely but one can dream, right?
 
I remind myself the end of night feeds is hopefully in sight. This lost sleep is an investment in the long term good. 

New plan: try to feed no more frequently than every 3 hours during the day. This helped night sleep with her older sisters. Of course, it was when we went to every 4 hours during the day that I saw the really dramatic gains in night sleep. But I’m not sure if I’m emotionally ready for that with this formerly tiny 5 pounder, plus I’m not sure if my milk supply can handle it. 

So we’ll try for every 3 hour feeds today and hopefully a 4:30 am feed during the "night" tonight today and cross our fingers she sleeps later than 1 am. 

In my experience, reducing the size of night feeds makes that gradually shift later. Let’s hope that’s true for V!

Wed 9/20, Day 3

Yesterday I tried feeding V on a schedule, every 3 hours, instead of when she felt like it, which was more like every 2 hours the previous day (but which is not typical for her).
To my surprise, today she has not cried to eat even once. 

To be clear, I still feed her, but I do it based on the clock. It’s amazing to me that in just one day, she’s already crying a lot less! Just like I remember with her sisters. I fed them on a schedule and they never cried. 

I also tried a new tactic last night. I skipped her 5:30 pm feed because it would have only been two hours since her previous feed. At the bedtime feed, she was sufficiently full after nursing that topping her up with a bottle would have likely led to massive spit up.

So I put her to bed without that extra meal and then, instead of pumping at bedtime, I nursed her again, a Dream Feed (which I don’t usually recommend for 4 month olds but given her propensity for massive spit up, seemed like a good idea, rather than trying to pack in the calories before bed). 

She woke up at 1:30 am, as she had the two previous nights, but when I offered her her pacifier, she went back to sleep until 4 am! That was a win compared to the two previous nights, anyway.

I was nervous to only nurse her for 4 and a half minutes (again) at 4 am, but to my surprise, she only cried for a minute or two once I put her back in the crib.

Of course, she woke up at 6 am, only 2 hours later, but that’s a much more acceptable feeding time so I gave a full feed then and did not wait for the 3 hour mark.

Tonight I will reduce the feed to 4 minutes flat. Fingers crossed it isn’t a disaster! Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just go cold turkey on night feeds, but that feels unfair, so I’ll continue on with the gradual night wean. 

Mon Sep 25, day 5?

The gradual night wean continues. Last night I reduced to 3:30. Once again, same as the night before, she only cried for a few seconds. I patted her gently on the chest until she quieted, then left.

(I missed reporting about a night where she cried for two hours after a short feed. I can't remember now which night it was, maybe the 4th night. It was excruciating but it hasn't happened again since. It seems she got the memo about short night feeds!)

She once again slept without a peep until 5:30 am. It’s interesting: her room is a little alcove off my room that we walled off to make a nursery. The door has slats in it, lower down, since there is no other ventilation source. And every morning when my sunrise alarm clock lights up – even before there’s noise – she wakes up. So I guess she’s very light sensitive in the morning, as light through the door doesn’t usually wake her. 

Anyway, although I normally advise a wake time between 6 and 7 am, a wake time at 5:30 am works very well for me as I can then feed her before I work out. After that, I pop her in her baby gym next to me while I work out. And when she’s tired, I just hit pause on my workout and put her in her crib. Then I’m free to finish my workout, shower, and get the big kids off to school. 

An interesting observation: since I’ve switched her to every 4 hour feeds, she’s napping much more during the day. And seems generally happier.  

​Tues 9/26, night 6

Guys, I’m tired. So, so, so tired. The weaning schedule + workout schedule is wearing me out. 

Last night, I didn’t have it in me to do a dream feed. So when she woke up at 3 am, I did a full feed. I’m feeling discouraged. I think my milk supply is down, probably because i haven’t pumped in a few days.

On the plus side, she took 2 2-3 hour naps yesterday! But then the afternoon naps were kind of a sh*t show. Possibly because she was hungry from me not having enough milk.

So after her evening bath, I nursed her briefly and then my partner gave her a 4 ounce bottle. We hadn’t done many bottles recently because I felt like they were making her impatient with breastfeeding. . 

But obviously I didn’t want her hungry during the night. And I needed sleep so badly.

Fingers crossed we have a better night tonight. I am feeling a bit broken from the sleep deprivation. 

Wednesday 9/27 Night 7

Guys, SHE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!! Well, 8 pm to 5:15 am. A little shorter than I typically aim for but a freaking miracle for me. I went to sleep at 8:30 pm and actually woke up before her, at 5 am. I think my body was confused by all the sleep!

I drank Mother’s Milk Tea yesterday to combat the supply issues so I’m a veritable fountain this morning. She nursed on one side only and went straight back in the crib. I pumped briefly, so that I’ll have enough for tonight’s dream feed PLUS hopefully bolster the daytime supply, and am ready to workout at 6 am. And feeling very, very grateful!
I am not sure if this was just a fluke or if the night weaning process was successful… fingers crossed it was the former. I will keep you posted!

I will try for a dream feed tonight with the bottle, although until a couple of nights ago, she was full enough from the breast that she didn’t want it. I am not quite sure how to duplicate yesterday’s poor afternoon naps, and will assume that wasn’t related anyway. Fingers crossed!!!

Thursday, Sept 28, night 8

Well, darn. She was up early, at like 2 am, but went back to sleep with the pacifier. Then up again at 3 am. We tried letting her cry but after 15 minutes, it wasn’t letting up (it didn’t start out intense but gradually ramped up). So I fed her but reduced the feeding time again, this time to 3 minutes, and then good news is that she didn’t cry at all afterwards and immediately went back to sleep.

The less good news is that she didn’t then make it to 5:30 am – she starting squawking around 5:15.

So, being my own coach here and trying to diagnose what went wrong… I think it all started with the morning feed at 5:30 am yesterday being too small because she was sleepy. I patted her back to sleep instead of making sure she really filled up. As a result, she was hungry again at 7:30 am, 2.5 hours later, and needed to eat then. Although then she waited 4 hours for the next feed, and even slightly over 4 hours for the one after that… but then only 2 hours before the final feed of the day. And then 2 hours again before the Dream Feed. Where she barely ate at all, despite plenty of milk.

So maybe needing an extra morning feed threw things off? (Thank goodness for the Baby Tracker app so that I can go back and see what happened.)

So today I will try to be really strict on her every 4 hour schedule. 5:30, 9:30, 1:30, 5:30… and then the Dream Feed no earlier than 8:30, and if I have the energy to stay up longer, ideally at 9 or 9:30. That way she will hopefully take a much larger feed at the Dream Feed. I doubt she took even 2 ounces last night (1 from me and 1 from the bottle… she wasn’t interested in more).

Fingers tightly crossed for better luck tonight!

Saturday September 30, night 10

Forgot to log yesterday. I think she was up early, around 2 or 3 am, and I nursed her for 3 min and then she went down without a peep and slept until morning. 

Then last night we went out and my 12 yo daughter babysat (!) and that messed up bedtime a bit — the baby had a hard time settling down and had two small bedtime bottles. 

I fed her again before I went to bed, around 9:30 pm, and she SLEPT UNTIL 5:05 am!!! I went ahead with a full feed bc we were so close to the 5:30 goal. Then I put her back to bed and ME back to bed and we each slept two glorious hours more. Hallelujah. 

I accidentally let her go 5h without a feed today, by miscounting. She was asleep and I had to wake her to eat. Otherwise she’s eating approximately every four hours and is very content, much more so than when she was eating more frequently. 

She had a lot of trouble settling tonight so got to sleep late, around 7:30. I hope the dream feed will go ok. I’m trying to wait to do it but it’s 8:50 and I’m already tired. 

Sunday October 1, night 11

After a slightly inauspicious start, guys, she slept until 5:47 am!!!! Since my goal is 5:30 on weekdays, this was another win, even bigger than the previous night bc a) she slept later, 5:47 versus 5:05 but also b) there were zero wakings where I had to go replace the paci! This makes for a much more restful sleep, hooray!

Today was a weird day bc recently she’s only been taking short afternoon naps after two long naps, but today she took a long late nap and not surprisingly, went to bed much later but also was harder to settle. She also seems to be much hungrier than usual. Maybe a growth spurt? So I gave a couple of bottles of pumped milk and drank some mothers milk tea. 

She woke up after only an hour at 8:40 so I fed her then. Fingers crossed for another successful night! If we can get 3 in q row, I can (nervously) call her night weaned. Eek! 

Monday Oct 2, night 11

She did it!!! She slept until 5:24!!!! 

That’s 3 nights in a row so I am declaring her night weaned!!!

I am sure it won’t be 100% smooth sailing forever but now I know she can go 3 nights in a row without eating, I feel (mostly) confident that if she wakes up at night, I’ll be able to hold strong on not feeding. That doesn’t mean I’ll never do it again, but I’ll try not to.

I remember with my middle daughter that at 9 months old, I experimented with giving water instead of milk for the occasional night waking and was shocked to find that she accepted it readily. She was just thirsty!!!

Of course, Valentina is still too young to drink water but once she’s past the 6 month mark, I’ll try that.

Thanks for following along with our night weaning story! I hope it gives you confidence to know that it is doable and also that it’s stressful, even for sleep coaches! 

Tues Oct 3

Of course I jinxed myself!

She was up at 3:45 and I finally gave in and fed her at 4:45 bc my partner couldn’t get her back to sleep without. Would’ve been even harder if I had gone in. 

But I only did 2 min and put her back and she didn't cry at all and slept until my alarm lit up at 5:45. 

Wed a Oct 4

Was soooo tired i had my partner so the dream feed so I could go to bed earlier but then I only dozed while he fed her so maybe it was not worth it. 

But she slept until 5:05! And then was quiet until 5:30 after a paci re insertion. 

Sat Oct 6

Valentina slept until 6:20 am yesterday!

And 5:47 today despite a 1:30 am waking! My partner changed her and reswaddled her, for reasons that are unclear to me, admist howls, then patted her and put her back down. It took two attempts but he was able to put her back down and leave! Despite her practically skipping her late morning feed yesterday — we were out to brunch and she was uninterested or too distracted. 

I’m having more confidence now! If she could skip a feed yesterday and still be fine last night, and still be very obviously gaining weight… we've arrived! For sure. 

Sun Oct 7

Well, I jinxed myself again! She was up 3-4:30 am and just would not settle, even with my partner walking her and patting her and giving her the paci.

Finally I nursed her for 2 minutes at 4:30 and she STILL wouldn’t settle – a first since the first night of night weaning – so I gave in and nursed her for 5+ minutes and then she passed out and slept for 5 hours!

I think she didn’t eat enough the previous day because we were on the go much of the day with family in town. She was too distracted to eat well. And in the evening, we were on a windy rooftop and I think she was too uncomfortable with all the blankets and breeze to eat. 

It’s obviously not ideal to have a baby out all day and also… sometimes your family comes to visit from another country and you decide to prioritize that. This is real life.

Monday October 9

Valentina's feedings went better yesterday in that she seemed to eat every hour in the afternoon, so it seemed like she was trying to make up for the previous day. Finally she accepted a bottle in the late afternoon and chugged 5 ounces of pumped milk. (What with eating every hour, I don’t think I had all that much milk to give in any one sitting.)

Then she slept 5:30-9:30 pm and I woke her for a Dream Feed. After nursing so frequently all afternoon plus chugging tons of water, I had LOTS of milk.

She was up at 3:45, 4:30, 5, 5:17 and finally I woke her at 5:30 BUT she settled each time with the pacifier. Still not ideal, obviously, but she didn’t eat all night so I am taking that as a win and now the cousins are all gone and we’ll get back to our good schedule today. I’m about to wake her from a 3 hour nap! (6:30-9:30 am, her first morning nap is always her longest, which is really a continuation of night sleep.)

Tuesday, October 10

Valentina went to bed at 6:45 pm, had a dream feed at 8:50 (breastfeeding plus 2 ounces of a bottle) and then we had to wake her up at 5:45 am! Zero night wakings! 

I'm going to stop logging now but I wanted to share all the details so you all could get a sense of what it feels like to night wean. Lots of ups and downs but clear progress! And now, even with her night weaned at newly 5 months, I am sure there will be occasional exceptions. 

It definitely felt harder with this baby than my other two but maybe I have amnesia about the other two? You can clearly see that progress isn’t linear and yet, it still worked! And she’ll probably not be 100% for a while yet but the rare exception is still a TON better than nightly feedings!

I’m very grateful to have had support this time around from my partner. Having the mental fortitutde to do this alone is TOUGH. That said, I did do it alone with my first two kids and it can be done. And the sleep deprivation if you don’t do it and you’re solo parenting is also tough so… choose your hard. I choose the one that leads to sleeping all night sooner rather than later!

PS If you'd like your baby -- or older child -- to sleep through the night, there is hope for you! My other two were sleeping through the night at 10 weeks old. Schedule a free consult and have a well-rested family in two weeks or less, guaranteed.