 This is how Katie started our session today.
Then she explained. Her credit card bill was $9000 instead of its normal $2000. “And I have nothing to show for it,” she said, “just a trip to Milwaukee to see my aunt." "What’s more, “ she continued, “my room is a mess and I have 401k accounts from every job I have ever been at. I have no idea what they are doing. Some of them probably aren’t earning anything. Maybe they are even losing money. And I haven’t unpacked and my room is a mess.” Do you ever feel like Katie? I know I do, sometimes. Adding to her overwhelm is the fact that her ADHD brain, as she says, requires a “long runway” to get started on tasks. Sometimes it’s really hard for her to find the energy to just get going. One of the ways that I support Katie is by helping her organize her overwhelm and then break down her to do list to manageable bites. Today, we started by processing the despair she was feeling over her finances. There was guilt and shame and frustration, all rolled up into one. Feeling all those feelings was the last thing she wanted to do, but she agreed to try it, and was surprised to find that she was breathing easier after a few minutes of that. Afterwards, she made her bed while we talked and then we created a strategy for her to move forward. Just the simple act of making her bed and laying down a towel for her suitcase and opening the suitcase gave her relief. The dreaded first three steps were done. They weren’t the hardest, but they required the most energy. By the end of our session, she was feeling a lot better about herself. She had a plan to move forward, and energy to execute it. Do you ever need help getting started with overwhelming tasks? You’re not alone. I know I do. It’s part of the human experience, at least if you live in Western culture and have children. And if you have ADHD or are a single parent, the overwhelm can be all the more daunting. If you are struggle with overwhelm or beating yourself up on the regular, support can be life changing. Schedule a free consult (scroll down past sleep coaching to life coaching) and find out how we can get you on the road to conquering your own overwhelm. There’s no sales technique and no pressure to commit. Just an opportunity to see what coaching is all about. I can’t wait to meet you. PS Here’s what Katie just messaged me two minutes ago, “I'm taking my unused checkbook register that is in my file cabinet where I store my extra checks and I'm writing my current checking account balance in it. And I am going to have to record everything I spend w/ my debit card so I can make sure I have enough to cover whatever I am buying. When I use the Amex card I don't have to keep a close eye, and that is how it's gotten so out of control.” Can you believe that her mindset switched from “everything is hopeless,” to this in the space of an hour?
0 Comments
 In my last parent coaching blog post, I mentioned that writing out a daily schedule – and even assigning times for things – can be very reassuring for anxious young children.
But writing about this also reminded me of the time I wrote out a schedule like this for my niece.. And then we had to leave the pool, where we were all having fun, at a set time because my completely arbitrary schedule had assumed we would be done by that time. So while it’s great to help lessen anxiety by planning ahead, it’s also great to help children learn to be more flexible sometimes. Schedules inevitably have to shift occasionally. It's best to to practice this ahead of time so that your child isn't melting down at the same time you have to make a stressful exception to the schedule. To that end, I would actually plan on an occasional low stress exception to the rules. Do you always go straight home from daycare? One day, offer to stop for an ice cream. Another day, swing by the playground. I wouldn’t make these exceptions too frequent, because you don’t want to be constantly negotiating your trip home. But once or twice a month might be a fun amount of freedom. Try to time your exceptions to the rule with some thoughtfulness. For example, when my kids used to get screentime right after school on Fridays, planning a stop by a playground on a Friday after school might have really stressed them out. Better to pick a different day in that case. Likewise, if your child missed a nap that day, or slept badly the night before, better to stick to the schedule. Maximize your odds of success with these children who are anxious about schedule changes. With repeated positive exposure to fun exceptions to the schedule, your child can learn to become somewhat more flexible to schedule changes. If you have a child who is less flexible than you wish, I would love to talk to you about how you can make life less stressful for the entire family. Schedule a free parent coaching session (scroll down past sleep coaching to life coaching) and find out how we can work together to make family time more enjoyable.  If the onset of daylight savings time has meant that your child is waking up at a more human hour, congratulations! Enjoy!
If you want to maintain that later waking time, here’s what you need to know: You need to keep your child’s schedule on the OLD time zone/clock, NOT on the new one. It’s probably obvious to you that you need to keep bedtime an hour later in order to keep the waking time an hour later. What may not be obvious is that you ALSO need to keep meal times (and naptimes) an hour later as well. If dinner was at 5 before, you need to have dinner at 6 pm now. If nap was at 12, move it to 1 pm. The other challenge with DST is that the days are typically, depending on your location, getting a LOT longer. If it’s light out late, it’s a lot harder for your kid to go to sleep at the same time in June as she does in December. (With my own kids, I also find that they typically sleep less in the warmer months.) To prevent this from happening, blackout shades become increasingly important. If your child’s room is too bright either at bedtime or in the early morning, it’s going to be really hard for you to get your desired results with your child’s sleep. Invest in blackout shades and consider blackout curtains or something else to cover the edges and top of the blackout shades if your child is struggling to fall asleep at night or is waking up too early in the morning. Those little cracks can add up to a lot of light leakage. Let me know if you have success with keeping your child on the new schedule! And if you are struggling with bedtime struggles or early morning wakings, schedule a free consult and find out how to get your family the sleep you need to truly enjoy your time together.  “We have a kid with… very strong preferences. She is miserable if she is with anyone but me (Mom), and has a huge meltdown. We need two parents to do bedtime because she'll be very upset if she doesn't have one on one time. And she can't wait her turn while I put her brother to bed first. But what is weird is that she doesn’t have this problem at school. She does great at school!
She’s also highly verbal compared to her peers.” One thing I have heard many times from parents is that their extra smart kiddos have extra big feelings. Some people call this being a Highly Sensitive Person, or a Deeply Feeling Kid. I call it “more anxious than your typical preschooler… because all of them are anxious!” Whatever you call it, these wonderful kids require some extra parenting skills. Here one tip that I gave the parents I spoke to yesterday. Make your schedule and your expectations very clear. A child like this, even at 3 or 4 years old, may benefit from a written schedule. Even if she can’t tell time, you can tell her “when my phone says seven zero zero, we will have breakfast.” You can write out a schedule for her, for example: 6:30 Wake up 7:00 Breakfast 7:30 Get dressed, use the potty, brush teeth and hair 7:55 put on shoes 8:00 leave the house And so on. For the entire day. Note that the times and the tasks are very specific. Having all this detail actually gives these kids a sense of control, because they know what to expect, which helps them to feel less anxious. You can also invite your child to decorate the schedule, if he would like. That is a way to give him a sense of ownership, which will also lessen his anxiety. Setting expectations would look like, "Mommy will help you get dressed, and Daddy will make you breakfast while Mommy showers." It's important with these kids, that once you set these expectations, that you stick with what you said. Do not change plans so that Mommy makes breakfast to avoid your preschooler's meltdown. The more you try to accommodate her preferences, the more rigid and prone to meltdowns she'll actually become. This means there is no shortcut to peace, and in fact, things will get more stressful in the short term. But in the long term, you'll find she becomes more calm and patient. If you'd like some help figuring out how to reduce tension in a household with a child with strong preferences, you are not alone. Schedule a free consult to discuss how parent coaching (scroll down past sleep coaching to parent coaching) can help reduce stress and increase family happiness.  Many breastfeeding parents wonder if it's possible to sleep train if they are breastfeeding. After all, isn't it important to breastfeed around the clock in order to maintain supply?
Well, first off, I always support breastfeeding for those who want to do it. I also support bottle feeders while sleep training. Your body, your choice. You will have a fabulous kid either way. The advice that many parents get from lactation consultants is to feed frequently around the clock, especially in the early weeks and months. This is excellent advice for supporting a breastmilk supply but less than ideal for sleep. Here’s what i recommend, to optimize both breastfeeding and sleep. You will not get this controversial advice from your ICBLC, but with in almost all cases, I have found that it works beautifully for sleep while also preserving the breastfeeding relationship. (In those couple of cases, breastmilk supply was negatively impacted and those parents decided to supplement with formula... but in both cases, they have supplemented with their older children, too, and had planned to do so with these newer babies.) For the first six weeks of life, or longer if your baby was born early, breastfeed around the clock, on demand. At age 6-8 weeks old, if your milk supply is well established, start to gently encourage a schedule of eating every 3 hours during the day and same at night. This change doesn't need to happen overnight. Take it slowly, monitor your baby's wet diapers as well as your milk supply. Consider pumping once a day or more if you have supply concerns or if you want your baby to take a bottle sometimes. At eight weeks and older, if breastfeeding and milk supply are continuing to go well, start gently encouraging the feedings to be on an every four-hour-schedule during the day and at night. You can add in an extra feeding in the late afternoons if you have any concerns about your baby getting enough to eat. Continue to count wet diapers -- you should have at least six in a 24-hour period. You may find that your baby starts to sleep a longer stretch at night when you switch to an every-four-hour schedule during th day. If this is the case, and if your pediatrician has no concerns about your baby's weight gain, congratulations! Please take advantage of this and get some extra sleep yourself! This is exactly what happened with all three of my babies, and it was glorious. My oldest was sleeping an 8-hour stretch by 8 weeks old, and my middle was sleeping 10 hours by 10 weeks. My youngest was born very small after fetal growth restriction so she didn't sleep through the night until 4 months old. In every case, there was minimal to no crying. Want to get your newest member of the family sleeping longer stretches at night? You've come to the right place. Book a complimentary sleep consultation today and find out how you can have a well-rested family in two weeks or less, guaranteed. |
AuthorAbby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Archives
October 2024
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed