 In my previous blog post, I talked about how doing “thought work” has changed my life, and how it can make sleep training, or any big life change, a lot easier. In this blog post, I’ll talk about figuring out how to actually execute the changes necessary to change your life. And your sleep. First off, I recommend that you do daily thought downloads and thought models every single day. They help me stay motivated and I know they will help you, too. I would love to hear yours -- post in the comments below! Secondly, you need to figure out how to execute the dramatic changes you wish to make in your life. There is no one right answer to this. It really depends on you and your style. Are you a rip-off-the-bandaid kind of person that would rather get the pain over and done with? Then you might consider doing an extinction-style method of sleep training. This method involves putting your baby to bed and not returning until morning. Critics say that this method is cruel, but evidence-based research shows that short-term crying associated with sleep training is not dangerous and doesn’t hurt a child’s attachment to her parents. https://pediatrics.duke.edu/news/sleep-training-your-child-myths-and-facts-every-parent-should-know Proponents say that extinction-style sleep training is the fastest method and involves the least amount of crying, overall, for children. And gets children (and their parents) the sleep they need in the least amount of time. Because it’s quick, it is more likely that parents can remain consistent long enough to get the training completed. Others prefer a more gradual approach. For children older than four months, this typically involves sitting on a chair next to the crib every time the child is in the crib but not yet asleep. Every few days, the parent moves the chair further from the crib until eventually, they are in the hall and out of sight. At that point, the parent is free to leave the chair but can still call out to verbally reassure the child if needed. Fans of this method like that the child can see the parent and doesn’t feel alone, especially if the child is accustomed to co-sleeping. Dissenters feel like this method takes too long and thus, is harder on both the child -- who is upset to see the parent and not be picked up -- and the parent, who has to be consistent for many nights in a row and can’t even read or look at a screen while sitting in the chair. Some folks fall in the middle, choosing to leave the room but return briefly to check on the child at ever-increasing intervals of time. This is slower than extinction but faster than the chair method. There is no one “correct” method. Every family is different. Only you know what is right for your family. Regardless of the method chosen, families will want to make sure that bedtime, morning wake time, and naptimes are optimized to catch the child at just the right moment, tired but not overtired. Naptimes and bedtimes at inappropriate times can create overtiredness, which means cortisol, the “stress hormone,” makes it harder for the child to fall asleep and stay asleep. But every child, and every parent, needs great sleep. Great sleep is a gift to the entire family. Let’s make 2020 a well-rested year for your family. Schedule a free consult and see how we can get your family the sleep you deserve.
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New Year's Resolutions (Like Sleep Training) Made Easier: Part One. Change Your Thoughts.12/30/2019  Do you have a New Year's Resolution for yourself and your family? Does it involve better sleep?
Want some help with that? I'm not talking about sleep coaching, but about "thought work. " Six months ago, I started listening to The Life Coach School podcasts. Not long after, I joined Self Coaching Scholars. The thought model they teach has changed my life. When we change our thoughts, it's a lot easier to change our feelings, and thus our behavior, which changes our results. Let me show you how. Unintentional Thought Model About Sleep Training Circumstance: My baby wakes up crying every two hours at night. I nurse her back to sleep. Thought: I hate listening to her cry. Sleep training will be too hard. I won't be able to stand it. Emotion: dread, fear, frustration Action: I do nothing to change her sleep. Result: Her sleep continues to be disrupted. She is overtired and cranky and so am I. Now look what happens if I change my thinking, even without changing my circumstance. Intentional Thought Model About Sleep Training Circumstance: My baby wakes up crying every two hours at night. I nurse her back to sleep. Thought: The poor thing is crying because she's overtired. Just like me. I am strong enough to endure some crying to help her get the sleep she so desperately needs. (Note: sleep training doesn't necessarily have to involve crying.) Emotion: resolve, determination Action: I take steps to ensure that I have support with sleep training. I make a plan. And then I dig deep and sleep train my baby. Result: My baby is sleeping so much better and so am I. We are so much happier and enjoying our time together so much more! You can see clearly how sleep training would be so much easier with the second model. Changing our thinking is amazingly powerful! It's important, though, to recognize and empathize with the thoughts and feelings of the first model before changing thoughts to create the second model. Your thoughts and feelings and fears are still completely valid and worth recognizing. Lest you think I am oversimplifying or making this all sound so easy, let me share my own thought model from today. They really work! I've made so many amazing changes in my life as a result of them. Circumstance: There are rolls and desserts served with dinner at our resort. Thought: I deserve the rolls and desserts because I successfully fasted today. (I practice intermittent fasting each day. I love it! Usually.) Feeling: justified Action: I eat the rolls and the dessert. A lot of them. Result: I have a stomach ache during the night. I have a harder time fasting the next day because all those processed carbohydrates make me more hungry. Here's my intentional thought model for today: Circumstance: There are rolls and desserts served with dinner at our resort. Thought: My body will feel so much better if I abstain. I'll be so proud of myself tomorrow. And my fast will be easier. I can do hard things, like avoid processed carbohydrates! Feeling: determined Action: I abstain from processed carbohydrates. Result: I don't have a stomach ache tonight. I feel proud of myself. My body doesn't hurt. I like how my body looks. Here's one I did yesterday. I got coached on this one by a coach at the Life Coach School. You can see that I'm not perfect at bedtime, either! Circumstance: It's bedtime and the kids are dawdling. Thought: I am DONE. I need them in bed NOW. Feeling: impatience, frustration, irritability Action: I snap at the kids. Result: An unpleasant bedtime experience for everyone. versus Circumstance: It's bedtime and the kids are dawdling. Thought: It's only natural that the kids are delaying bedtime. They are having a great time and don't want to stop having fun. We are so lucky to have lives we love. Feeling: sympathetic Action: kind but firm limits are enforced without anger Result: children are in bed and I am not frazzled and frustrated. I do a thought download every single day. I like to do them first thing each morning, to set the stage for a great day, each and every day. I encourage you to do the same. Next week, I'll talk about some of the nuts and bolts of creating your New Year's Resolutions to change your family's sleep for the better. |
AuthorAbby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Archives
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