Teach Your Anxious Child About (Fun) Exceptions To The Schedule

In my last parent coaching blog post, I mentioned that writing out a daily schedule – and even assigning times for things – can be very reassuring for anxious young children. 

But writing about this also reminded me of the time I wrote out a schedule like this for my niece.. And then we had to leave the pool, where we were all having fun, at a set time because my completely arbitrary schedule had assumed we would be done by that time.

So while it’s great to help lessen anxiety by planning ahead, it’s also great to help children learn to be more flexible sometimes. Schedules inevitably have to shift occasionally. It's best to to practice this ahead of time so that your child isn't melting down at the same time you have to make a stressful exception to the schedule. 

To that end, I would actually plan on an occasional low stress exception to the rules. Do you always go straight home from daycare? One day, offer to stop for an ice cream. Another day, swing by the playground. I wouldn’t make these exceptions too frequent, because you don’t want to be constantly negotiating your trip home. But once or twice a month might be a fun amount of freedom.

Try to time your exceptions to the rule with some thoughtfulness. For example, when my kids used to get screentime right after school on Fridays, planning a stop by a playground on a Friday after school might have really stressed them out. Better to pick a different day in that case. Likewise, if your child missed a nap that day, or slept badly the night before, better to stick to the schedule. Maximize your odds of success with these children who are anxious about schedule changes.

With repeated positive exposure to fun exceptions to the schedule, your child can learn to become somewhat more flexible to schedule changes. 

If you have a child who is less flexible than you wish, I would love to talk to you about how you can make life less stressful for the entire family. Schedule a free parent coaching session (scroll down past sleep coaching to life coaching) and find out how we can work together to make family time more enjoyable.