I thought it would be interesting for other parents to read my story of night weaning while I was doing it so that you can know the good, the bad, and the ugly and not just my romanticized version months or years later. Not because I would lie but because it's easy to forget the details once you're out of the experience.
So here it is, in (excruciating?) detail, logging as frequently as I could remember despite the sleep deprivation. September 18, 2023 V is 4 months now and those 10+ hour stretches at night haven’t been seen for a while. Meanwhile, despite her low birth weight, just 5 pounds even, she looks chubbier than ever. Her doctor is pleased with her growth. And I’m back to work and exercise and ready for better sleep. Night one, Sunday, September 18: I asked my partner to feed her a bottle of exactly 3 oz during the night, planning to decrease a half ounce every other night. I figure she’ll protest less with him than if I nurse her. He feeds her at 1:30 am (earlier than usual) and she spits up everything, requiring an outfit change and not one but two trips to the kitchen, all the lights on, with a wailing hungry baby. Total time awake: 2+ hours. Night two, Monday, September 19th. New plan. I scrap the bottle idea and decide I’ll nurse her instead and decrease the time by 1/2 minute every other night. I figure not having to turn lights on to heat a bottle and wait for said bottle to warm is worthwhile in terms of keeping the baby sleepy and thus, getting her back down again. Less ideal for my sleep but a win for my partner! She wakes up at 1:30 am, earlier than usual again, after eating every 2 hours all day, more frequent than usual AND downing a huge bottle of pumped milk before bed. I nervously nurse her for just 4 min 30 seconds and to my amazement, she doesn’t protest at all being put back in the crib. HOWEVER, she then wakes up again at 5, a first. Darn. So I give her a full feeding, then drink some Mother’s Milk Tea while I pump. This is to try to bump up my supply, because prolactin, the hormone that leads to breast milk production, is highest in the early morning. I’ll be tired later but I’ll exercise when I’m done and who knows, maybe I can grab a nap later? Unlikely but one can dream, right? I remind myself the end of night feeds is hopefully in sight. This lost sleep is an investment in the long term good. New plan: try to feed no more frequently than every 3 hours during the day. This helped night sleep with her older sisters. Of course, it was when we went to every 4 hours during the day that I saw the really dramatic gains in night sleep. But I’m not sure if I’m emotionally ready for that with this formerly tiny 5 pounder, plus I’m not sure if my milk supply can handle it. So we’ll try for every 3 hour feeds today and hopefully a 4:30 am feed during the "night" tonight today and cross our fingers she sleeps later than 1 am. In my experience, reducing the size of night feeds makes that gradually shift later. Let’s hope that’s true for V! Wed 9/20, Day 3 Yesterday I tried feeding V on a schedule, every 3 hours, instead of when she felt like it, which was more like every 2 hours the previous day (but which is not typical for her). To my surprise, today she has not cried to eat even once. To be clear, I still feed her, but I do it based on the clock. It’s amazing to me that in just one day, she’s already crying a lot less! Just like I remember with her sisters. I fed them on a schedule and they never cried. I also tried a new tactic last night. I skipped her 5:30 pm feed because it would have only been two hours since her previous feed. At the bedtime feed, she was sufficiently full after nursing that topping her up with a bottle would have likely led to massive spit up. So I put her to bed without that extra meal and then, instead of pumping at bedtime, I nursed her again, a Dream Feed (which I don’t usually recommend for 4 month olds but given her propensity for massive spit up, seemed like a good idea, rather than trying to pack in the calories before bed). She woke up at 1:30 am, as she had the two previous nights, but when I offered her her pacifier, she went back to sleep until 4 am! That was a win compared to the two previous nights, anyway. I was nervous to only nurse her for 4 and a half minutes (again) at 4 am, but to my surprise, she only cried for a minute or two once I put her back in the crib. Of course, she woke up at 6 am, only 2 hours later, but that’s a much more acceptable feeding time so I gave a full feed then and did not wait for the 3 hour mark. Tonight I will reduce the feed to 4 minutes flat. Fingers crossed it isn’t a disaster! Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just go cold turkey on night feeds, but that feels unfair, so I’ll continue on with the gradual night wean. Mon Sep 25, day 5? The gradual night wean continues. Last night I reduced to 3:30. Once again, same as the night before, she only cried for a few seconds. I patted her gently on the chest until she quieted, then left. (I missed reporting about a night where she cried for two hours after a short feed. I can't remember now which night it was, maybe the 4th night. It was excruciating but it hasn't happened again since. It seems she got the memo about short night feeds!) She once again slept without a peep until 5:30 am. It’s interesting: her room is a little alcove off my room that we walled off to make a nursery. The door has slats in it, lower down, since there is no other ventilation source. And every morning when my sunrise alarm clock lights up – even before there’s noise – she wakes up. So I guess she’s very light sensitive in the morning, as light through the door doesn’t usually wake her. Anyway, although I normally advise a wake time between 6 and 7 am, a wake time at 5:30 am works very well for me as I can then feed her before I work out. After that, I pop her in her baby gym next to me while I work out. And when she’s tired, I just hit pause on my workout and put her in her crib. Then I’m free to finish my workout, shower, and get the big kids off to school. An interesting observation: since I’ve switched her to every 4 hour feeds, she’s napping much more during the day. And seems generally happier. Tues 9/26, night 6 Guys, I’m tired. So, so, so tired. The weaning schedule + workout schedule is wearing me out. Last night, I didn’t have it in me to do a dream feed. So when she woke up at 3 am, I did a full feed. I’m feeling discouraged. I think my milk supply is down, probably because i haven’t pumped in a few days. On the plus side, she took 2 2-3 hour naps yesterday! But then the afternoon naps were kind of a sh*t show. Possibly because she was hungry from me not having enough milk. So after her evening bath, I nursed her briefly and then my partner gave her a 4 ounce bottle. We hadn’t done many bottles recently because I felt like they were making her impatient with breastfeeding. . But obviously I didn’t want her hungry during the night. And I needed sleep so badly. Fingers crossed we have a better night tonight. I am feeling a bit broken from the sleep deprivation. Wednesday 9/27 Night 7 Guys, SHE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!! Well, 8 pm to 5:15 am. A little shorter than I typically aim for but a freaking miracle for me. I went to sleep at 8:30 pm and actually woke up before her, at 5 am. I think my body was confused by all the sleep! I drank Mother’s Milk Tea yesterday to combat the supply issues so I’m a veritable fountain this morning. She nursed on one side only and went straight back in the crib. I pumped briefly, so that I’ll have enough for tonight’s dream feed PLUS hopefully bolster the daytime supply, and am ready to workout at 6 am. And feeling very, very grateful! I am not sure if this was just a fluke or if the night weaning process was successful… fingers crossed it was the former. I will keep you posted! I will try for a dream feed tonight with the bottle, although until a couple of nights ago, she was full enough from the breast that she didn’t want it. I am not quite sure how to duplicate yesterday’s poor afternoon naps, and will assume that wasn’t related anyway. Fingers crossed!!! Thursday, Sept 28, night 8 Well, darn. She was up early, at like 2 am, but went back to sleep with the pacifier. Then up again at 3 am. We tried letting her cry but after 15 minutes, it wasn’t letting up (it didn’t start out intense but gradually ramped up). So I fed her but reduced the feeding time again, this time to 3 minutes, and then good news is that she didn’t cry at all afterwards and immediately went back to sleep. The less good news is that she didn’t then make it to 5:30 am – she starting squawking around 5:15. So, being my own coach here and trying to diagnose what went wrong… I think it all started with the morning feed at 5:30 am yesterday being too small because she was sleepy. I patted her back to sleep instead of making sure she really filled up. As a result, she was hungry again at 7:30 am, 2.5 hours later, and needed to eat then. Although then she waited 4 hours for the next feed, and even slightly over 4 hours for the one after that… but then only 2 hours before the final feed of the day. And then 2 hours again before the Dream Feed. Where she barely ate at all, despite plenty of milk. So maybe needing an extra morning feed threw things off? (Thank goodness for the Baby Tracker app so that I can go back and see what happened.) So today I will try to be really strict on her every 4 hour schedule. 5:30, 9:30, 1:30, 5:30… and then the Dream Feed no earlier than 8:30, and if I have the energy to stay up longer, ideally at 9 or 9:30. That way she will hopefully take a much larger feed at the Dream Feed. I doubt she took even 2 ounces last night (1 from me and 1 from the bottle… she wasn’t interested in more). Fingers tightly crossed for better luck tonight! Saturday September 30, night 10 Forgot to log yesterday. I think she was up early, around 2 or 3 am, and I nursed her for 3 min and then she went down without a peep and slept until morning. Then last night we went out and my 12 yo daughter babysat (!) and that messed up bedtime a bit — the baby had a hard time settling down and had two small bedtime bottles. I fed her again before I went to bed, around 9:30 pm, and she SLEPT UNTIL 5:05 am!!! I went ahead with a full feed bc we were so close to the 5:30 goal. Then I put her back to bed and ME back to bed and we each slept two glorious hours more. Hallelujah. I accidentally let her go 5h without a feed today, by miscounting. She was asleep and I had to wake her to eat. Otherwise she’s eating approximately every four hours and is very content, much more so than when she was eating more frequently. She had a lot of trouble settling tonight so got to sleep late, around 7:30. I hope the dream feed will go ok. I’m trying to wait to do it but it’s 8:50 and I’m already tired. Sunday October 1, night 11 After a slightly inauspicious start, guys, she slept until 5:47 am!!!! Since my goal is 5:30 on weekdays, this was another win, even bigger than the previous night bc a) she slept later, 5:47 versus 5:05 but also b) there were zero wakings where I had to go replace the paci! This makes for a much more restful sleep, hooray! Today was a weird day bc recently she’s only been taking short afternoon naps after two long naps, but today she took a long late nap and not surprisingly, went to bed much later but also was harder to settle. She also seems to be much hungrier than usual. Maybe a growth spurt? So I gave a couple of bottles of pumped milk and drank some mothers milk tea. She woke up after only an hour at 8:40 so I fed her then. Fingers crossed for another successful night! If we can get 3 in q row, I can (nervously) call her night weaned. Eek! Monday Oct 2, night 11 She did it!!! She slept until 5:24!!!! That’s 3 nights in a row so I am declaring her night weaned!!! I am sure it won’t be 100% smooth sailing forever but now I know she can go 3 nights in a row without eating, I feel (mostly) confident that if she wakes up at night, I’ll be able to hold strong on not feeding. That doesn’t mean I’ll never do it again, but I’ll try not to. I remember with my middle daughter that at 9 months old, I experimented with giving water instead of milk for the occasional night waking and was shocked to find that she accepted it readily. She was just thirsty!!! Of course, Valentina is still too young to drink water but once she’s past the 6 month mark, I’ll try that. Thanks for following along with our night weaning story! I hope it gives you confidence to know that it is doable and also that it’s stressful, even for sleep coaches! Tues Oct 3 Of course I jinxed myself! She was up at 3:45 and I finally gave in and fed her at 4:45 bc my partner couldn’t get her back to sleep without. Would’ve been even harder if I had gone in. But I only did 2 min and put her back and she didn't cry at all and slept until my alarm lit up at 5:45. Wed a Oct 4 Was soooo tired i had my partner so the dream feed so I could go to bed earlier but then I only dozed while he fed her so maybe it was not worth it. But she slept until 5:05! And then was quiet until 5:30 after a paci re insertion. Sat Oct 6 Valentina slept until 6:20 am yesterday! And 5:47 today despite a 1:30 am waking! My partner changed her and reswaddled her, for reasons that are unclear to me, admist howls, then patted her and put her back down. It took two attempts but he was able to put her back down and leave! Despite her practically skipping her late morning feed yesterday — we were out to brunch and she was uninterested or too distracted. I’m having more confidence now! If she could skip a feed yesterday and still be fine last night, and still be very obviously gaining weight… we've arrived! For sure. Sun Oct 7 Well, I jinxed myself again! She was up 3-4:30 am and just would not settle, even with my partner walking her and patting her and giving her the paci. Finally I nursed her for 2 minutes at 4:30 and she STILL wouldn’t settle – a first since the first night of night weaning – so I gave in and nursed her for 5+ minutes and then she passed out and slept for 5 hours! I think she didn’t eat enough the previous day because we were on the go much of the day with family in town. She was too distracted to eat well. And in the evening, we were on a windy rooftop and I think she was too uncomfortable with all the blankets and breeze to eat. It’s obviously not ideal to have a baby out all day and also… sometimes your family comes to visit from another country and you decide to prioritize that. This is real life. Monday October 9 Valentina's feedings went better yesterday in that she seemed to eat every hour in the afternoon, so it seemed like she was trying to make up for the previous day. Finally she accepted a bottle in the late afternoon and chugged 5 ounces of pumped milk. (What with eating every hour, I don’t think I had all that much milk to give in any one sitting.) Then she slept 5:30-9:30 pm and I woke her for a Dream Feed. After nursing so frequently all afternoon plus chugging tons of water, I had LOTS of milk. She was up at 3:45, 4:30, 5, 5:17 and finally I woke her at 5:30 BUT she settled each time with the pacifier. Still not ideal, obviously, but she didn’t eat all night so I am taking that as a win and now the cousins are all gone and we’ll get back to our good schedule today. I’m about to wake her from a 3 hour nap! (6:30-9:30 am, her first morning nap is always her longest, which is really a continuation of night sleep.) Tuesday, October 10 Valentina went to bed at 6:45 pm, had a dream feed at 8:50 (breastfeeding plus 2 ounces of a bottle) and then we had to wake her up at 5:45 am! Zero night wakings! I'm going to stop logging now but I wanted to share all the details so you all could get a sense of what it feels like to night wean. Lots of ups and downs but clear progress! And now, even with her night weaned at newly 5 months, I am sure there will be occasional exceptions. It definitely felt harder with this baby than my other two but maybe I have amnesia about the other two? You can clearly see that progress isn’t linear and yet, it still worked! And she’ll probably not be 100% for a while yet but the rare exception is still a TON better than nightly feedings! I’m very grateful to have had support this time around from my partner. Having the mental fortitutde to do this alone is TOUGH. That said, I did do it alone with my first two kids and it can be done. And the sleep deprivation if you don’t do it and you’re solo parenting is also tough so… choose your hard. I choose the one that leads to sleeping all night sooner rather than later! PS If you'd like your baby -- or older child -- to sleep through the night, there is hope for you! My other two were sleeping through the night at 10 weeks old. Schedule a free consult and have a well-rested family in two weeks or less, guaranteed.
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AuthorAbby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Archives
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