Do You Secretly Like New Year's Resolutions? (I Do.)

It’s that time of year again. New Year’s resolutions have rolled around again.

With some embarrassment, I admit that I love New Year’s Resolutions. 

Not because I don’t like myself but because with each new year, I feel like I have an opportunity to reinvent myself. I find it fun to think about what my best self would look like! And sometimes, my resolutions actually work! In 2002, I resolved to floss daily. And I actually did it. Although I have fallen off the wagon recently. One more thing to add to my 2021 resolutions, I suppose. Luckily, it’s a lot easier to resume new habits than start new ones.

This is good news for those of you who have slipped into some less-than-ideal sleep habits. Though I am proud and amazed to hear my former sleep clients have stuck to their amazing new habits and have children who are rested, happy and sleep-loving.

Gretchen Rubin, author of multiple New York Times bestselling books including The Happiness Project, offers five tips on how to keep your New Year’s Resolutions.

Here are her tips:

1. Ask what would make you happier. For me, this would be being more patient with my children and enjoying them more. It’s so easy to be caught up in the hustle of the day and forget to actually enjoy their company.
   
   If you are a sleep-deprived parent, better sleep might make you a lot happier. I didn’t get enough sleep last week -- trying to work with my kids off school left me burning the candle at both ends -- and I was short-tempered and cross as a result. It definitely made life a lot less happy for the entire family!
   
   
   
2. Ask myself what is a concrete action that would bring about change. Abstract resolutions are harder to keep. “Be happier and less critical” is hard to carry out but “get into bed at 9:30 every night and turn out the light at 10 pm” is a lot easier to understand and thus, to do. Side benefit: doing number two, turning off my light by 10 pm, helps me to do number 1, enjoy my children more. It also makes me less stressed in my work life.
   
   
3. Determine if you are more motivated by positive resolutions or negative ones. I’m rebellious, so as soon as you tell me I can’t have something, I want it. But if you encourage me positively, I’m much more compliant. So telling me not to eat dairy (I want to do an eight-week dairy-free experiment as part of a fitness program I am starting today) is a lot harder than telling me to eat more vegetables.
   
   Children tend to be motivated by positive requests and discouraged by negative ones, too. So I’m in good company!
   
   
4. Start with small, achievable goals. I wanted to meal-plan a month at a time but that is feeling overwhelming -- my kids have already stolen my meal plan and have reappropriated it for artwork -- so I am trying for weekly meal planning instead. This ties into my first goal, because I know I am happier when we eat more interesting meals… but they require planning so that I have the necessary ingredients on hand.
   
   If you want your child to sleep through the night, you might start with the smaller goal of having your child fall asleep independently. If you currently rock or feed to sleep, finish just before your child is asleep, and stay close by while you pat or shush them to sleep. It may not work the first night, but with your persistence, it will soon work. And just getting children to fall asleep independently can lead to many fewer night wakings. Continue to gradually reduce your support until your child is going into the crib awake at bedtime and falling asleep independently. With your persistence, it will happen!
   
   
5. Find a way to keep yourself accountable. I have found myself an intermittent fasting buddy (I LOVE intermittent fasting! it makes me feel so much more energetic) and an exercise buddy. Both are virtual but checking in with each one, each day, has kept me motivated. Accountability is key! I am now starting a very intense exercise program with my workout buddy. I am really nervous about the intensity but knowing I have a Facebook group to support me as well as her realy helps.
   
   Many of my sleep clients have commented that having the support and the accountability of a sleep coach has kept them motivated where before they threw in the towel. If you don’t want or need a sleep coach, find a parenting friend who will be your support system.
   
   Here are some other strategies that work for me.
   
   
6. Find things that motivate you, and use them every day. My new fitness plan is called E2M (Eager to Motivate) and has tons of before and after pictures. I look at them daily to keep myself excited to get stronger. I also do “thought downloads,” a kind of journaling, every single morning as a way to get myself choosing my thoughts consciously. And I have started using an app called Happy Child that sends me a quick new parenting tip -- with an alert -- every day. My hope is that this app will help keep me focused on my parenting game.
   
   
7. Write down your goals and look at them every single day. Break them down into manageable goals. I have my 2021 goals on the first page of my new notebook. On the second page, I have some of those goals broken down into smaller goals for the first quarter of 2021. That helps me prioritize the steps I need to take in order to achieve my larger goals. 

Here are my own goals for 2021. Telling others about our goals improves your odds of achieving them!

1. Notice my anxious thoughts and identify them instead of believing them. My daily thought downloads help with this. Just writing down what I am thinking helps me remember that they are just stories my brain is making up, not truths. Still, it's an ongoing battle for me! 
   
   
2. Eat intentionally. For me, this requires meal planning so that I have the necessary ingredients on hand. It also requires thinking ahead about shopping. I’ve recently gotten information about butchers, produce, pastured egg and prepared food delivery so I can save time on shopping. It just requires planning. It's hard to make the time for it but I am trying!
   
   
3. Hire help with cooking so that I can spend my time more consciously, either exercising, spending time with the family, working or providing myself with necessary self-care. When there is healthy food prepared in the refrigerator, it is so much easier to eat healthy. I love having delicious options ready for me. It makes me feel pampered, and allows me to work more.
   
   
4. Eight hours of sleep a night. Get in bed at 9:30 pm and turn off the light at 10 pm. That extra half hour in bed is for reading more Reading is up there with oxygen and water for my survival. I can’t be a good human without that, either.
   
   
   
5. Avoid “the manual.” My favorite podcaster, Brooke Castillo, says that we make ourselves miserable when we apply a manual to our loved ones. For example, I get frustrated when Amelie is slowly hopping up the stairs on all fours because I believe she “should” move more quickly when I ask her. And it’s the “should,” not the hopping, that makes me frustrated. When I try on the thought, “of course she should be hopping up the stairs -- she’s an active five-year-old,” I feel a lot less irritated. Then I can make the conscious decision of giving her a countdown or just waiting for her.
   
   My main goal here is just to notice myself applying the manual. As soon as I notice it, I relax and remember it’s my brain, not her actions, that are making me upset. After all, some days she hops and it doesn’t bother me at all. I can still set a limit about how long she has to get upstairs for bedtime, but I don’t have to be upset about it.
   
   The manual idea applies even more to my domestic partner but it can be used in any relationship. 
   
   
6. Plan my time consciously. This is a perpetual work-in-progress. Brooke Castillo recommends a technique called “Monday Hour One” where you schedule every single thing on your to-do list every single Monday. Then you throw away your to-do list.
   
   I can’t quite achieve that but scheduling the important things first -- including workouts, time with the family, phone calls to friends, and my key work goals -- helps me to stay on track and avoid falling into the pit of email-checking at my most productive times. After those things are scheduled, I have client calls, writing sleep plans, and other business-building tasks scheduled. Email-checking comes last, because it can be a huge time-waster.

Telling others your goals will keep you motivated. So please comment and tell me yours!

And if your 2021 New Year’s Resolutions include better sleep so you can enjoy your family, sign up for a free consult and learn how easy it can be to achieve better sleep in two weeks or less, guaranteed.  

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