Does Sleep Training Mean We Can't Have Flexibility Any More?

Charming dinner guest, smiling while held by a stranger

This is a frequent question from families interested in sleep training. They want the benefits of great sleep but don’t want to have to commit to being home for every nap. 

Like so many things, the answer is: it depends. 

My daughter Valentina ended up being out to dinner not once but twice this weekend. The first time was planned, and we returned home at 7 pm. 

The second time was because she fell off the couch and hit her head while being babysat by my older daughter. My partner swooped home to pick her up and then joined friends and I at dinner. She was, luckily, in a great mood despite her dramatic fall. Since we hadn’t planned on attendance at dinner, she didn’t get to bed until more than an hour after her regular bedtime.

Both evenings, she was an excellent dinner companion and I got lots of compliments about how she never cries.

We got lucky. She slept great that night. But last night, the following night, she was up for 90 minutes in the middle of the night, apparently starving. Or overtired. Or probably both.

In my experience, well-rested babies who are almost always on a schedule are the easiest going ones. Babies who don’t have a regular schedule are more fussy because their little bodies never know when the next nap is coming. Just like regularly scheduled meals, regularly scheduled sleep means happier kids.

Some of this is luck, too. But with all three of my kids, I saw a drastic shift in their behavior when they were on a sleep and feeding schedule. They got much happier and more easy going. They were more comfortable with strangers. They were more curious and engaged in their environments.

So the irony of this all? A regular sleep schedule may actually give you more flexibility. 

Beyond that, I learned to embrace the requirement of being home for naps. It forced us to get up and out in the mornings, and then we were able to enjoy planned laziness in the middle part of the day. I’m not a sleeping late kind of person, so that works well for me. My older kids do best if screen time is a deferred pleasure – if they start the day with it, we may never leave the house.

My advice is to use school days for schedules and then one of the weekend as well, then let your family be flexible on the other weekend day. You’ll see how your child does with missed, delayed, or on-the-go naps, and then can make an educated decision from there.

Of course, during a sleep training regimen, I always recommend sticking to the recommended schedule. But that’s only a couple of weeks and then you can return to “regular life.” But don’t be too surprised if you discover that you mostly enjoy sticking to the prescribed schedule!

One other thing, if you have more than one child and more than one parent/adult caregiver, I highly recommend a divide and conquer strategy of parenting. Let one adult stay home with the napping child while the other takes the older one to the birthday party or sporting event. The next weekend, swap roles. And then in the evening, have some restorative adult time. 

If you’d like better sleep at night but are worried about tying yourself down with a schedule, you aren’t alone. Schedule a free consult today and let’s discuss your concerns. There’s no commitment and no sales pressure.