If you’re a yeller, first off, there’s nothing wrong with you.
Yelling is a sign that your boundaries are being crossed.
If you want to yell less, you do not need to be more patient. You do not need to better, or kinder, or less irritable.
You just need to become aware more quickly when your boundaries are being crossed and act proactively to protect yourself.
Let’s say your preschooler is singing a really annoying song, over and over again. Loudly.
The script many of us have playing in our heads isn’t that we “shouldn’t” be annoyed by this. We should be more patient, more understanding. We should enjoy the sound of her sweet lilting voice.
This is where the problem lies. Your negative judgment of yourself.
The fact is that you are annoyed by her singing. Even if you wish you weren’t.
Here’s where you can make a change. Offer compassion to yourself and allow that it is annoying to you. And act accordingly. Now.
Make a request, calmly – “honey, could you either not sing or go into the other room to sing?” – and you won’t explode. (And if you preschooler decides they are not interested in honoring your request, you can “help” them by physically moving them to another room, again, before boiling over.)
What typically happens is you stuff down the annoyance of the singing and then yell ten minutes later about something unrelated. Leaving your family bewildered at your unexpected explosion.
Yelling less doesn’t mean more patience with your child. It means having more compassion for yourself when you first start noticing your annoyance start to flare, while you still have control.
Want to stop yelling? Schedule a complimentary life coaching session (scroll down past sleep coaching to life coaching) and experience how easy it can be.
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Abby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.