What Causes Middle Of The Night Wakings, and What To Do About Them

Many of us have been taught to believe that middle of the night wakings are normal for young children, far beyond the small baby stage. But few (none?) of us enjoy them. 

Often on consultations, parents' eyes get wide when I tell them that they really don't have to offer a night feeding past the age of, say, 6 months. (You are certainly welcome to offer one past this age, but it isn't required.)  Reading on parent groups on Facebook, I see that many parents will offer a night feeding even at ages 2 or 3... and that it's normal for a toddler to need a peanut butter sandwich or serving of milk at 2 am. This is not true and I would argue, not even healthy. 

Regardless, if you are struggling with middle of the night wakings and want to be sleeping through the night, here are the top things to investigate. 

The first culprit is overtiredness. If you have worked with me before, or you've done your sleep research, you know that overtiredness produces a stress hormone, cortisol,  that makes it harder for children to fall asleep and stay asleep. The more tired they are, the more they wake up. These children usually wake up cranky in the morning. They often appear like they are the Energizer Bunny in the late afternoon or early evening. 

The second culprit is habit. If your child is used to receiving attention when he or she wakes up in the middle of the night -- whether it's a feeding, a cuddle, a parent lying down with the child, or even scolding the child -- your child will continue waking up at night. Even with negative attention, your child would rather have that than no attention from you at all. It's normal for children to want to be with their adults at night... but normal doesn't mean healthy. It's better for everyone -- with a few exceptions,  namely children who have endured trauma and need extra nighttime attention -- to get good sleep at night. 

The third culprit is much less common, and that is undertiredness. If your child is dealing with this, she is likely going to bed very early and/or taking a very long nap. They then have a "split night," wherein they wake up for a while in the middle of the night. These children are typically cheerful when they wake up in the middle of the night and are ready to play, unlike children waking from overtiredness or habit. After 2-4 hours, they have built up enough sleep pressure to fall asleep again, and then will sleep until the morning. These children typically do not  seem overtired in the morning. 

If your child's issue is overtiredness, they need an earlier bedtime. This is always the first thing i suggest trying.

If the issue is habit, you need to either gradually or abruptly eliminate the nighttime habit. If you are offering a feeding at night, gradually reduce the volume of it. If you are lying down with your child at night, start sitting next to their bed instead, and gradually move your chair further and further from them. 

Don't try ruling out undertiredness unless the other two options have been eliminated -- this is quite rare. If this is suspected culprit, shorten or eliminate the nap first. Only after that has been attempted should you move bedtime later. Most children under six need a bedtime between 6:30 and 7:30 pm -- quite a bit earlier than the American norm. 

PS I hope you are all sleeping gloriously after "falling back" on Sunday night but if you aren't, help is available. Schedule a free consult and find out how your family can be sleeping beautifully through the night in two weeks or less, guaranteed.