 If you've ever wondered:
"Does sleep training harm attachment?" "Is sleep training safe?" "Can I sleep train without making my baby cry it out?" You're not alone. These are the most common concerns I hear from exhausted, loving parents who want more sleep but don’t want to damage their relationship with their child. Let’s clear something up right away: sleep training does not mean ignoring your child. And no, sleep training does not damage attachment. I've worked with hundreds of families who have successfully sleep trained and told me that there child is actually more happy and securely attached when they have solid independent sleep skills in place. I've also sleep trained my own three children. The unbelievable peace and contentment in them that came as a result of sleep training is what led me to becoming a sleep consultant in the first place. What Gentle, Responsive Sleep Training Actually Looks Like Last night, my toddler woke up several times. And guess what? I went to her every time. I soothed her. I responded immediately. The difference between me and a parent who hasn’t sleep trained is this: I don’t do that every night. Because she knows how to sleep independently, when she does wake and cry, I know it’s because she truly needs me... and I respond quickly and lovingly. Is Sleep Training Safe? Yes. When done responsively and with developmentally appropriate strategies, sleep training is safe and actually helps your child makes your child more confident, not less. Sleep training (when taught by me) focuses on
Want Help With Gentle Sleep Training? If you're ready to teach your baby or toddler to sleep independently--without cry-it-out-- I offer a 2-week coaching package that includes:
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 I saw a Facebook post today from a mom saying she finally understood why parents get excited about a three-hour stretch of sleep. The saddest part was when one of the commenters chimed in to say that 4.5 years into her parenting journey, she still wasn’t sleeping through the night.
This mom wasn't complaining. She was commiserating and also indirectly saying, "we parents are at the mercy of our children, no matter how old they are. Buckle up because years of sleep deprivation is what good parents endure." Reading this, you might feel like wanting better sleep therefore makes you a bad, selfish parent. I'm here to strenuously argue with that idea. First off, great sleep is an incredible gift to your child. I remember being absolutely gobsmacked when my oldest was a tiny baby and I put her on a schedule to try to prevent the evening witching hours. Not only did it cure those late afternoon and early evening blues, it also made her into the happiest baby I'd ever seen. I couldn't believe it. She literally never cried again. And also. It doesn't have to be only about your child. Of course you don't want to do anything that would hurt or traumatize your little one. That's a given. But it's also okay to sleep train because it makes life better, easier, and happier for you. You deserve to enjoy life. And again, the benefit comes back to your child because a happier parent leads to a happier child. You can't pour from an empty cup, the saying goes. If you're struggling with the decision to sleep train and wondering if you're a bad parent to consider it, that makes perfect sense. You're being bombarded with messages that good parents suffer silently and rejoice at doing so. Is that what you want your child to grow up thinking? That to prioritize one's own needs is selfish and wrong? I'd love to give you more information about your specific situation to help you figure out what is the best decision for your child right now. Whether or not that includes sleep training right now or ever. If it's the wrong time to sleep train to your child, I promise I'll tell you that, too. PS If you are ready to think about what sleep training or even just getting your baby on a better sleep schedule -- no cry it out required -- I invite you to schedule a free sleep consult here. I promise it'll be a painless experience! PPS Still not sure? Check out these seventy-four 5-star reviews on Google of other parents' experiences working with me.  Short dresses and long shirts are ideal for potty training when you don't want her little one totally nude A while back, I shared a post about beginning potty training with Valentina at 21 months. We were getting some small wins, I was feeling proud…and also, if I’m honest, I was feeling quite stressed. It was happening more slowly than I hoped plus I didn't know how we would manage potty challenges on our trip. And it was still chilly at home, which made it challenging to keep her undressed.
I also didn't like how quickly I was becoming snappy. I didn’t want to be annoyed at my toddler. And I was definitely tired of cleaning up messes. So I made the decision to stop. We put potty training on pause, went back to diapers, and I gave myself permission to wait until the timing felt better. Even though I felt a bit disappointed to be "giving up." Trying Again After Our Trip: What a Difference a Few Months Makes After our travels, Valentina was newly two, and I was in a much better headspace. So we gave it another go. This time? It clicked. She had wins from the very first day. And while we still had some accidents (usually when she was wearing pants), the learning curve was so much shorter. Yesterday marked two full weeks—and she didn’t have a single accident all day. Even when she was wearing pants. If you’ve ever wondered whether an “unsuccessful” attempt is a waste of time: it’s not. That first round absolutely laid the foundation for this one. She remembered. Her body remembered. We were both more ready. What Made This Round So Much Easier Here’s what helped the second time around succeed:
If you’re considering when to start—here’s what I’d say: Watch your child. But also, watch yourself. If you’re getting tense or frustrated, that matters. If the timing feels off, it probably is. And if you need to pause and come back later, that’s okay. You’re not failing—you’re being smart and responsive. Potty training is a process, not a single moment. And sometimes, the best thing you can do is give it space, then return with a calmer heart and a clearer plan. I’m so glad we waited. And even happier to be diaper-free—travel potty and all. If you'd like help potty training your child, I'm here to help. Schedule a free consult for parent coaching here. (I can also help with other developmental challenges and supporting you as a parent, too.) How Baby Leo Went From All-Night Nursing to Sleeping Long Stretches Without Doing Cry It Out5/26/2025  When Katie and Emily reached out to me for help with their second child, they were running on fumes. Baby Leo was five months old and still waking almost hourly through the second half of the night—nursing the entire time while cuddled next to Emily in bed.
It wasn’t sustainable. Also, Leo’s daytime feeds were problematic. He was so entertained by his older sister that he preferred to snack throughout the day and load up on his calories during the night. While he didn't mind this, Emily was exhausted and certainly not capable of returning to work in just a few short weeks. But how could Emily and Katie get Leo to sleep all night if he was legitimately hungry at night? They couldn't let their baby cry from hunger all night, even if it would eventually lead to better sleep. It just felt wrong to them. I hear this concern all the time. I get it. You want to do what’s best for your baby, and the idea of withholding comfort—or food—feels wrong. Here’s the truth: The idea that babies should eat when they’re hungry isn’t wrong. But the idea that night waking for food has to continue indefinitely? Or that the only way to improve sleep is to let them “cry it out”? Also wrong. And the truth is, helping your baby sleep better doesn’t have to mean ignoring their needs or your instincts. The Gentle Solution Because Emily found Leo’s cries especially hard to hear, we chose one of the most gradual, responsive approaches I offer: a method called the Soothing Ladder. The Soothing Ladder helps babies learn to settle with less help, one step at a time. It’s ideal for younger babies and highly sensitive parents because it allows for closeness and responsiveness while still creating change. Here’s what happened:
No crying it out. No mom guilt. No hungry baby. Just a rested baby and two parents who feel like themselves again. You deserve this too. As a pediatric NP and certified sleep coach, I combine medical knowledge, developmental insight, and deep respect for your parenting style. You don’t have to choose between your baby’s needs and your own well-being—and you definitely don’t have to do it alone. I'd love to talk to you about whether this might be a good path forward for your family. Schedule a free consult call here.  Your baby is finally sleeping through the night.
No more late-night bouncing, no more 10 pm negotiations with your preschooler, no more 4 a.m. panic-scrolls about regressions. So why are you still so tired? The truth is how much you’ve been carrying for so long without the support you deserve. It’s Not You. It’s the System. We live in a culture that glorifies burnout. We’re told to “do it all,” and when that proves impossible, we quietly decide we must be doing something wrong with us as individuals. If only we were more organized. If only we could get up earlier. If only we had the perfect spouse to encourage us. The quiet message is: If you're tired, it's your fault. Let me be clear: it's not you, it's the world we live in. Where Is Your Fairy Godmother? When you became a parent, you probably didn’t also get a live-in support system to nurture you through it. Some of us move far away from family. Others lose parents too young. Some simply don’t have emotionally safe relationships to fall back on. And yet, we still expect ourselves to show up every day—with patience, presence, creativity, and competence—without someone in our corner saying: “Come, love. You’ve done enough for now. Sit. Rest. You deserve to be nurtured now.” The Post-Sleep Coaching Gap As a sleep coach and pediatric nurse practitioner, I’ve helped hundreds of families finally get the rest they need. But what I’ve noticed again and again is this: the relief that comes with better sleep is real—but it doesn’t touch the deeper depletion. There’s often a crash that comes after the adrenaline fades. You handled the crisis. Now you’re standing in the quiet—and suddenly noticing how threadbare you’ve become. Coaching Changed That for Me When I was in the thick of this exhaustion, I raced through my days fueled by adrenaline, dark chocolate, and desperation. I thought that was just how motherhood was supposed to feel. Then I discovered coaching—which felt very different from therapy (I’ve done a lot of that, but didn't experience this transformation with any of them). More forward-looking. More solution-focused. I literally felt a difference in myself after the very first session. Coaching gave me a place to be nurtured and empowered to have someone see me clearly and help me move toward the life I wanted. Now? I still get tired, of course. But the chronic, soul-weary, bone-deep exhaustion is 90% better. Not because life got easier, but because my coach taught me that meeting my own needs is essential to be the mother, partner, and friend that I want to be. The adage "you can't pour from an empty cup" put into action. You Deserve to Be Supported, Too If you’re post-sleep training and still feel like you’re barely holding it together, please know this isn’t a personal failing. It’s the inevitable result of doing too much, for too long. You deserve someone who is wholeheartedly in your corner. Someone who helps you untangle the invisible mental load, the over-scheduling, the internal pressure to be everything to everyone. Someone who says, “Yes, it’s a lot. Let’s figure out how to make it lighter.” I'd love to be this person for you. If any part of this made your shoulders drop even slightly, let's have a conversation. There's no sales pitch. Just an exploration of what is hard for you in this season of your life and how we can best support you through it. It would be an honor to offer you an hour -- at no charge -- to explore this. Please schedule your call here. I can't wait to connect. A mom recently came to me after 14 months of doing all the things: nursing, rocking, bouncing—sometimes for over an hour—just to get her baby to sleep.
She was exhausted. Her baby was waking multiple times a night, and the only way to get him back down was to repeat the entire routine again and again. But more than anything, she was afraid. Afraid that if she tried to make a change—if she dared to set a boundary around sleep—she would somehow damage her child. Because everywhere she turned, she kept hearing the same thing: “It’s biologically normal for babies to eat to sleep.” “Just wait—they’ll grow out of it.” “If you sleep train, you’re harming your child.” She didn’t want to harm her baby. She just wanted to sleep. She wanted to feel like herself again. She wanted to know that it was okay to want that. And maybe you do too. Let’s talk about what’s actually “normal”… and what’s sustainable. Feeding to sleep is often described as “biologically normal”—especially in the early months. Babies are born with a strong suck-to-soothe reflex. Falling asleep while nursing or bottle-feeding feels cozy and safe. It’s common. It’s instinctive. And if it works for your family, there’s no problem. That said, I’m always a little cautious with the word “normal.” Because too often, it gets used in ways that make tired parents feel ashamed for wanting things to be different. Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s the only way—or that it’s working for you. You’re not doing anything wrong if your baby feeds to sleep. And you’re not doing anything wrong if you’re ready for something more sustainable. What becomes problematic is when feeding to sleep is the only way your child knows how to fall asleep—at bedtime, and again between every sleep cycle all night long. The result? A baby who wakes every 1–2 hours crying for help… and a parent who’s running on empty. Yes, night waking is biologically normal. But so is learning to fall asleep independently. Sleep is a skill. And if a child has never had the chance to practice falling asleep without help, it makes perfect sense that they don’t know how to do it when they wake in the night. It’s not about eliminating comfort. It’s about building your child’s capacity. So if you're stuck in a cycle of rocking, bouncing, or nursing back to sleep for every wake-up—and it’s not working anymore—you don’t have to wait for your child to “grow out of it.” You can make a change with kindness. You can support your child’s sleep without sacrificing your own. And no, you are not harming your child by doing so. Quite the opposite. When sleep improves, everything else tends to feel easier—connection, play, feeding, regulation. That’s true for parents and kids alike. If you’re feeling stuck, but scared to take the leap, I’d love to talk it through with you. I offer a free, no-pressure discovery call where we can explore what’s going on in your home, what kind of support feels right, and whether we’d be a good fit. You can book a time here: [Insert your scheduling link] You are not alone. And you’re not doing anything wrong.  She lay in bed at 4 am, wide awake—again.
Not because the baby was crying. Not because she was behind on work or overwhelmed by the laundry (though, that too). But because she couldn’t stop thinking about how her kids were growing up… and their grandparents hardly seemed to notice. She’d tried everything. Invited them over for dinner. Sent adorable videos of her toddler’s first dance class. Offered to FaceTime whenever they were free. And still—silence. Or, at best, vague replies. “We’ve been so busy.” “Let’s try next weekend.” “Tell the kids we say hi.” Meanwhile, she saw the pictures. Her friends’ kids beaming next to doting grandparents. Stories about spontaneous visits, sleepovers, shared traditions. And it broke something in her—not because she needed her parents to show up for her, but because her kids deserved more. If you’ve ever felt this heartbreak—that quiet, aching gap between what you hoped your kids would have and what’s actually happening—you’re not alone. It’s a grief that doesn’t get talked about. Because you’re supposed to just be grateful. For your healthy kids. For your stable job. For whatever support you do have. And yet… when your kids ask why Grandma didn’t come to the recital, or why they haven’t been to Grandpa’s house in a while, your stomach drops. You’re the one trying to hold it all together. Trying to build connection. Trying to create a sense of family. Trying to protect your kids from the sting of feeling unwanted. But deep down, you feel it, too. Here’s what I want to say, just in case no one else has: You’re not asking for too much. You’re not overreacting. And it’s okay to feel sad—or even angry—about this. Because when we become moms, we often start dreaming of a big, beautiful web of love around our kids. And when parts of that web are missing, it hurts. Not because you’re needy. But because you love so deeply. And while you can’t control how others show up… You get to grieve the gap. You get to name the loss. And you still get to be the kind of parent who shows up with her whole heart. Even when others don’t. If this resonates with you, coaching might help. Not because I have a script to fix your family dynamics—no one does. But because you deserve a place where you get to be cared for. Where your heartbreak has room to breathe. Where we can gently untangle the guilt, the resentment, the mental spirals—and help you show up with strength and softness, even in the messiest moments. This is the kind of work I do with moms every day. Not to make them less emotional. But to make space for the full truth of their experience—and help them find steadiness again, even when others don’t change. If you’re carrying a quiet heaviness like this, I’d be honored to support you. You don’t have to keep holding it all on your own. PS – If this story resonated, and you’re curious what it would be like to have someone in your corner, I’d love to talk with you. Here’s the link to book a call. There's no sales pressure and I promise you'll learn something fascinating about yourself. With All the Developmental Leaps. Teething, Travel & Illness, When Is The Best Time To Sleep Train?4/14/2025 Are You Waiting for the ‘Perfect Time’ to Improve Sleep? Here’s Why That’s a Trap
It was 2:30 AM. Again. You rocked your baby for the third time that night, trying to remember what the pediatrician said about wake windows and wondering if the next sleep regression had already started. “Maybe we should just wait until this phase is over,” you whisper to your partner, even though you’ve said the same thing for three months now. Sound familiar? You want better sleep. Desperately. But you’re not sure now is the right time. Your baby just started teething. Or you’ve got a trip coming up. Or they’re hitting a developmental leap (or five). So you wait. Then one day turns into a week. A week turns into months. And before you know it, you're still exhausted, your baby still isn't sleeping, and you're still telling yourself the same thing: “As soon as [insert challenge here] is over… then we’ll start.” As a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified sleep coach, and mom of three, I hear this every week. And I get it. You want your baby to have the best chance of success—and you want to feel confident and calm when you begin.But here’s the truth: there’s no perfect time to start. And waiting might be making things harder, not easier. The All-or-Nothing Mindset Keeps You Stuck Parenting already asks a lot of you. And when you’re running on fumes, your brain naturally looks for reasons to delay. “Let’s just wait until this leap is over” feels like a wise, patient decision. But often, it’s actually rooted in fear—fear of making things worse, fear of failing, fear of it not working. That all-or-nothing thinking (“I need the stars to align before I can fix sleep”) keeps so many families stuck in survival mode far longer than they need to be. (I talk to families who have literally be suffering for years before they reach out to me. So if this is you, don't feel guilty, you are in good company.) What If Sleep Helped With the Leap Instead of Needing to Wait It Out? Yes, babies go through regressions, leaps, teething, growth spurts, travel, new siblings, daycare transitions… all of it. But those challenges aren’t going anywhere. In fact, they’ll keep coming no matter when you start.The difference? A well-rested baby can handle those transitions better. Better naps and consolidated nights mean:
When Should You Wait? If you have travel coming up in the next two weeks and your baby will be older than 9 months by the time you're home? Okay, then it probably makes sense to wait and begin once you're back. But in almost every other scenario, starting now will make the next phase easier. Not harder. You Don’t Have to Be Ready—You Just Have to Start You can start with incremental small changes if that is what feels doable to you. Believe me, in today’s stressful times, I can understand that an entire overhaul of your nights might feel just a bit overwhelming. (Start just with moving bedtime earlier!) Because here’s the secret: sleep improves faster than you think. In just two weeks, your nights can feel radically different. Want to talk about what it might look like to get real sleep--now, not someday? Let’s hop on a quick call. We’ll figure out if now is the right time for your family, and I’ll walk you through exactly what support would look like. (And if now is not the right time for your family, I promise I’ll tell you the truth about that, too.) You’ve waited long enough. Let’s make this the moment it starts to get better.  If you’ve ever called your baby a “bad sleeper,” you’re not alone.
Maybe your friend’s baby was sleeping through the night by 10 weeks and yours still wakes every 45 minutes. Maybe bedtime feels like a full-contact sport. Maybe naps only happen in the car—or not at all. It’s easy to assume your baby is just… wired differently. That they’re one of the “bad sleepers.” But after helping over 500 families teach their babies to sleep through the night, I’m here to tell you: There’s no such thing as a bad sleeper. There are babies who need more support, more time, or a different approach—but labeling them as “bad sleepers” can actually make things harder for everyone. Here’s why that belief is so common—and how to reframe it so your baby (and your family) can finally get the rest you need. The “Bad Sleeper” Myth When sleep isn’t happening, it feels deeply personal. You start to question everything:
But the idea that some babies are just "bad at sleeping" sets parents up to feel helpless—when in reality, sleep is a skill that babies can learn with the right support. Some babies come out able to sleep independently with very little guidance from a very early age. Others are more sensitive, reactive, or need more structure to feel safe enough to rest. That’s not a flaw. It’s a starting point. Sleep Is a Skill, Not a Personality Trait Just like crawling, eating, or potty training, sleep is a developmental process that involves learning. And like any other skill:
So instead of asking, “Why can’t my baby sleep?”, try asking: “What’s getting in the way of sleep—and what support does my baby need to learn it?” What to Do If Your Baby Isn’t Sleeping Whether your baby is 7 weeks or 7 months, here’s what I recommend instead of resigning to the “bad sleeper” label: 1. Start with rhythm—not a rigid schedule Babies thrive on predictable patterns, even from the earliest weeks. A consistent flow of sleep → feed → play → sleep helps their nervous systems relax. 2. Recognize and watch for sleepy cues, not the clock Many overtired babies look “wired”—not sleepy. Learn your baby’s signs and keep wake windows short (especially in the morning). 3. Create a consistent sleep routine A short, consistent wind-down signals safety. It could be as simple as a diaper change, white noise, swaddle/sleep sack, and a quick cuddle plus a lullaby. 4. Look at how your baby falls asleep If your baby always falls asleep at the breast or in motion, they may struggle to connect sleep cycles on their own. That’s not bad—it just means you can gently start practicing other ways of settling. 5. Don’t wait until you’re desperate You don’t have to hit rock bottom to get support. In fact, the sooner you create a foundation for sleep, the easier it is to build healthy habits—without sleep training that feels harsh or extreme. Every Baby Can Learn to Sleep There is no one “right” way to teach a baby to sleep. But every baby has the capacity to rest better, with support that meets them where they are. And every parent deserves to feel confident—not ashamed—about seeking help when sleep isn’t working. You’re not failing. You’re figuring it out. And there’s a way forward—without labels, blame, or burnout. Need support? If your baby isn’t sleeping and you're beyond tired, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to guess your way through this. I help families create customized, responsive sleep plans that work with their baby’s temperament and their parenting values. Book a free call here or check out my gentle sleep coaching package. You can sleep again. And it doesn’t have to mean letting your baby cry it out.  How you can get your newborn sleeping through the night quickly and painlessly. I met baby Luca’s mom when he was just 7 weeks old. Like so many new parents, she messaged me exhausted and unsure: “I’m not sure if it’s too early to reach out but…”
Luca had gone from sleeping two solid 3–4 hour stretches to waking nearly every hour. She and her partner were running on fumes. She’d read about a “6–8 week sleep regression” and wondered if she just had to ride it out for several more months or if there might be a less painful solution. I assured her that there was, indeed, hope for them and we got started with a newborn sleep plan. Fast forward just 12 days, and I got this: “Hi Abby! The night was great! We put him down at 8 and there was no crying—he slept until 3, we fed him, and then he woke up at 6:40. He then went back to sleep until 9! We are so happy!” Their baby was 9 weeks old at that point . The 5–6 Month Sleep Training Rule: Helpful or Harmful? We’ve all heard the same thing: “You can’t sleep train a baby before 5 or 6 months. They aren't capable of self soothing before then.” This guideline is meant to protect babies who still need night feeds or aren’t ready for self soothing. And yes, some babies—especially those with reflux or colic--do need more support early on. But here’s what no one tells you: Some babies are ready much sooner. And also, “sleep training” doesn’t have to mean letting your baby cry alone or 12 hours at night with no feeds necessarily. It can simply mean:
My Own Experience: Early Sleep Success When I tell families that some younger babies can sleep long stretches, I’m not just speaking as a coach—I’ve lived it.
What Can You Do Before 5 Months? If your baby is younger than 5 months, you don’t have to sit back and suffer. You can:
Curious if your baby is ready for more sleep—even before 5 months? Let’s talk. Click here to book a free sleep consultation and find out if your family is ready for great sleep. |
AuthorAbby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Archives
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