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If you’ve been putting off sleep training because the thought of leaving your baby to cry alone feels impossible, you are not alone.
For years, parents have been told that “cry-it-out” or timed check-ins are the only way to help babies learn independent sleep. And for many families, those approaches work beautifully. But for others? They feel too harsh and occasionally, just don’t work. The good news is that there’s now an option that’s changing everything. It’s a virtually no-cry approach that keeps you right there with your baby as they learn to settle. It’s highly supportive, highly responsive, and works even if your baby has never slept more than a 45 minutes at a time, guaranteed. Here’s what parents who’ve tried it are saying:
If you’ve been waiting for a way to gently teach your baby to sleep longer stretches — one that honors both their needs and yours — this might be exactly what you’ve been hoping for. Curious to learn more? Let’s talk about if this could be the perfect fit for your family. The subject line of her email instantly caught my attention, “Shocked and excited.”
A new client had just started implementing her sleep plan and wrote to tell me, “I just wanted to drop you an email to let you know I am so thrilled things have been so smooth! I am so surprised at how quickly he has responded to the boundary. I guess he really needed a boundary!” Parents come to me exhausted and anxious, needing better sleep yet worried that holding a firm, consistent boundary will somehow hurt their child. They fear that saying: “You will fall asleep by yourself after lights out,” will feel cold, harsh, or unloving. Afraid their child will feel abandoned. But what they discover—often within just a few nights—is that consistent, loving boundaries are not mean, cold or cruel at all. In fact, they are one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. Boundaries Build Safety Children crave predictability. When you hold a boundary with calm, loving consistency, you’re not being strict for the sake of being strict—you’re creating a sense of safety.Your child doesn’t have to wonder:
Boundaries Build Confidence When your child learns that they can fall asleep independently—or that they can handle waiting until breakfast for food— they feel proud of themselves. Knowing they can take care of their own needs such as:
Boundaries Are Love in Action The truth is, boundaries for your child aren’t about control. They’re about connection. When you calmly and consistently hold a boundary, you’re showing your child:
The Best Part: You Become The Parent You've Always Wanted To Be The thing I love most about this process is watching parents’ confidence grow right alongside their children’s. That same mom who wrote to me “shocked and excited” is now contemplating a trip to see the grandparents and cousins, secure in the knowledge that her well rested child can handle the change in routine. Want to have a confident, well rested child as you head into the new school year? Set up a free consult to discuss how we can get your entire family well rested, confident, and connected. No “cry it out” required. Four-month-old Jacob was waking every 45 minutes all night long.
His mother was beyond exhausted. Nap routines had unraveled, and bedtime was a struggle she dreaded. She had resisted sleep training for a long time because she was afraid he would cry all night long. Afraid the crying would be too hard on him. Or on her. But then we made a plan together—simple, respectful, and realistic.That first night, he cried for 15 minutes. Then he fell asleep—and slept 6 hours in a row for the first time in months. He woke up after midnight. His mother fed him, and then he went back to sleep without any tears until dawn. The second night feeding we planned on wasn't necessary. On day five, she nervously laid him down awake at naptime for the first time. He rolled over and fell asleep on his own. Quietly. Happily. No crying. This is what respectful sleep coaching can look like. Not abandonment. Not harm. Just support, structure, and trust in your baby’s capacity to adapt. What If Crying Isn’t Always a Crisis? Many parents hit a wall when it comes to sleep because they equate any crying with damage. Their baby cries during a nap transition or bedtime, and their body floods with adrenaline, guilt and fear. This isn’t weakness. It’s biology. You are wired to respond to your baby’s distress. That response is part of what makes you a nurturing, attuned parent.But not all crying is the same. And not all crying is harmful. Sometimes crying is your baby’s way of saying: This is new. I’m confused. I need to adjust. And when we meet that cry with calm and consistency —even if we’re not “rescuing” every time—we’re not doing harm. We’re helping them grow. Crying Is Communication (Not Just Distress) There’s a huge range of baby cries:
Responsive Parenting ≠ Immediate Rescue Imagine this: You’re in a grocery store, and your 4-year-old throws a tantrum because you won’t buy them a candy bar. Would you panic and think they were being harmed? Probably not. You’d stay calm. You’d hold the boundary. You’d help them through it. This frustration is real but clearly it’s not dangerous. Your baby’s frustration during a bedtime change is similar. The tears are real. But that doesn’t mean they’re being hurt. Limits can be loving. So can consistency. So can giving your baby a few moments to try, while you stay close. Discomfort Is Normal. And Necessary We all want to protect our kids from pain. But growth—whether it’s learning to crawl, learning to share, or learning to fall asleep—almost always includes some discomfort. If we never let a baby fall when learning to walk, they’d never build the strength or confidence to try again. Learning to sleep solo is no different.Your baby might prefer to fall asleep on your chest, but that doesn’t mean they’re harmed if you sometimes say, “I’m here, and you’re safe, and it’s time to sleep in your crib.” In fact, it’s the beginning of trust. "You’re okay. I believe in you. I’ll help you through it. I'll always come back." Sleep Coaching Can Be Respectful, Attuned, and Loving The sleep coaching I offer is rooted in your baby’s development, your values, and your readiness. We move at your pace. We preserve connection. And we build in flexibility. Crying may happen. But we approach it with intention and support—not panic. Because crying is not the enemy. Exhaustion is. Ready for a Change? If you’re ready to get more rest—and want a plan that works for you and your baby—I’d love to help. Here’s the link to sign up for a free consult. My coaching includes a money-back guarantee because I believe in this process—and in your ability to support your baby with love and confidence. You don’t have to do this alone. We'll give you a clear, actionable plan. And a calm, steady voice to guide you. You and your baby deserve to feel connected and well rested. You’ll never stop hearing me recommend an early bedtime.
For most kids under six, it’s absolutely the key to longer nights, better behavior, and less overtired chaos. But every once in a while, a child surprises me. Edgar was one such toddler. His mom came to me exhausted, confused, and already doing everything “right.” A 6:30 pm bedtime. Perfectly timed naps. A consistent bedtime routine. Independent self-soothing. All the things. And yet he was still waking up at 4:50 am. Every. Single. Day. Most families I work with start off with a bedtime that’s too late. It’s not unusual to hear “Oh, we aim for 8 pm and she's definitely in bed by 8:30.” But Edgar’s mom was the opposite—she’d done her research and was sticking to the early bedtime I recommend: between 6:30 and 7:30 pm for most young children. In theory, Edgar should have been thriving. But in reality? He was waking up pre-dawn and staying tired all day. So we pivoted. After two months of his mom's textbook effort with little to show for it, we made a bold move. We returned Edgar—16 months old—to two naps a day. Temporarily. Not short, early naps either. He wasn’t tired enough for that. Instead, we pushed nap one a little later, which pushed nap two a lot later. Which meant his bedtime landed around 8:30 pm. Very late by my standards. But you know what happened? He started waking up at 6 am. Consistently. And after a few days of that 6 am waking, he was able to make it to a single midday nap without getting overtired. Leading to a single, two-hour noontime nap and a happy, contented toddler. His mom told me, “He’s not just sleeping later. He's not waking up crying anymore.” And that? That’s the real win. Sometimes, the one percenters need a custom solution. Sleep needs vary, and while most toddlers thrive on an early bedtime and a solid routine, some need a later nap, a longer wake window, or a rhythm that doesn't match the charts. That doesn’t mean the foundations don’t matter. It means we need to observe, adapt, and respond with flexibility until we land on the perfect solution for each individual child. (And yes, because I offer a money-back guarantee, I stuck with Edgar’s mom well beyond the two-week package she originally signed up for. I was bound and determined to get it figured out—and we finally did!) If your toddler is breaking all the rules—and you’re doing everything “right”—let’s talk. Sometimes all it takes is a second pair of eyes and a willingness to think outside the box. I’m here to help. And yes, if we don’t get the results, you get your money back. But more often than not? We figure it out together. Here’s the link to sign up for a free discovery call. You thought you were out of the woods.
Your baby was finally sleeping stretches you could count on. And then, bam. Out of nowhere: bedtime battles, split nights, and wakeups that feel like newborn déjà vu. Sound familiar? If your baby is around 8 to 10 months old and suddenly sleeping worse, you might be wondering: is this a sleep regression? Is it teething? Separation anxiety? A growth spurt? Are we doing something wrong? Let me reassure you: this is incredibly common... and incredibly frustrating. But there are real reasons it’s happening, and real ways to support your baby through it. What Is the 9-Month Sleep Regression? Around 8–10 months, many babies experience a noticeable disruption in their sleep. While it’s not a “regression” in the sense that your baby is losing skills, it is a period of rapid development that often makes sleep harder. This stage typically includes:
1. Motor Development Is Disruptive Your baby’s body is buzzing with new skills. Just like you might lie awake the night before a big presentation, your baby’s brain is practicing crawling or standing—even in their sleep. 2. Separation Anxiety Peaks Around 9 months, babies begin to understand that you exist even when you’re not in the room. This new awareness can trigger distress at bedtime or during night wakings. 3. Nap Transitions Are Brewing Babies typically shift from 3 to 2 naps by this age. That transition can cause overtiredness or undertiredness, both of which disrupt sleep. 4. Sleep Habits Start to Solidify By now, your baby may have established habits around how they fall asleep. If those habits rely heavily on your help, it can get harder for them to link sleep cycles during this more sensitive stage. What You Can Do You don’t have to wait it out. Here’s how to gently support your baby through this sleep disruption: ✅ Stay consistent with bedtime routines. A predictable wind-down helps signal safety and sleep, even when things feel shaky. ✅ Support but don’t overcompensate.It’s okay to offer comfort—but try not to create brand new sleep associations that will be hard to maintain later. ✅ Evaluate your nap schedule.If your baby is fighting naps or bedtime, it might be time to tweak wake windows or shift to a 2-nap schedule. ✅ Offer safe space for new skills during the day.Let them practice crawling or pulling to stand outside the crib so they’re less likely to rehearse at 2am. ✅ Consider a gentle night weaning program. Night feedings are no longer nutritionally necessary at this age and may actually be contributing to night wakings. You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong This is a tough stage for a lot of families. You’re not alone—and you’re not failing. In fact, these disruptions are a sign of healthy development. Your baby is growing fast, and that growth can temporarily make sleep messy. But with support and a few small shifts, you can get back on track—and so can your baby. Need support? I can help. If sleep has gone off the rails and you’re ready for a plan that works without harsh methods, I’d love to help you find a path forward. Here’s the link to sign up for 1:1 support to get your family well rested and feeling amazing. If you've ever wondered:
"Does sleep training harm attachment?" "Is sleep training safe?" "Can I sleep train without making my baby cry it out?" You're not alone. These are the most common concerns I hear from exhausted, loving parents who want more sleep but don’t want to damage their relationship with their child. Let’s clear something up right away: sleep training does not mean ignoring your child. And no, sleep training does not damage attachment. I've worked with hundreds of families who have successfully sleep trained and told me that there child is actually more happy and securely attached when they have solid independent sleep skills in place. I've also sleep trained my own three children. The unbelievable peace and contentment in them that came as a result of sleep training is what led me to becoming a sleep consultant in the first place. What Gentle, Responsive Sleep Training Actually Looks Like Last night, my toddler woke up several times. And guess what? I went to her every time. I soothed her. I responded immediately. The difference between me and a parent who hasn’t sleep trained is this: I don’t do that every night. Because she knows how to sleep independently, when she does wake and cry, I know it’s because she truly needs me... and I respond quickly and lovingly. Is Sleep Training Safe? Yes. When done responsively and with developmentally appropriate strategies, sleep training is safe and actually helps your child makes your child more confident, not less. Sleep training (when taught by me) focuses on
Want Help With Gentle Sleep Training? If you're ready to teach your baby or toddler to sleep independently--without cry-it-out-- I offer a 2-week coaching package that includes:
I saw a Facebook post today from a mom saying she finally understood why parents get excited about a three-hour stretch of sleep. The saddest part was when one of the commenters chimed in to say that 4.5 years into her parenting journey, she still wasn’t sleeping through the night.
This mom wasn't complaining. She was commiserating and also indirectly saying, "we parents are at the mercy of our children, no matter how old they are. Buckle up because years of sleep deprivation is what good parents endure." Reading this, you might feel like wanting better sleep therefore makes you a bad, selfish parent. I'm here to strenuously argue with that idea. First off, great sleep is an incredible gift to your child. I remember being absolutely gobsmacked when my oldest was a tiny baby and I put her on a schedule to try to prevent the evening witching hours. Not only did it cure those late afternoon and early evening blues, it also made her into the happiest baby I'd ever seen. I couldn't believe it. She literally never cried again. And also. It doesn't have to be only about your child. Of course you don't want to do anything that would hurt or traumatize your little one. That's a given. But it's also okay to sleep train because it makes life better, easier, and happier for you. You deserve to enjoy life. And again, the benefit comes back to your child because a happier parent leads to a happier child. You can't pour from an empty cup, the saying goes. If you're struggling with the decision to sleep train and wondering if you're a bad parent to consider it, that makes perfect sense. You're being bombarded with messages that good parents suffer silently and rejoice at doing so. Is that what you want your child to grow up thinking? That to prioritize one's own needs is selfish and wrong? I'd love to give you more information about your specific situation to help you figure out what is the best decision for your child right now. Whether or not that includes sleep training right now or ever. If it's the wrong time to sleep train to your child, I promise I'll tell you that, too. PS If you are ready to think about what sleep training or even just getting your baby on a better sleep schedule -- no cry it out required -- I invite you to schedule a free sleep consult here. I promise it'll be a painless experience! PPS Still not sure? Check out these seventy-four 5-star reviews on Google of other parents' experiences working with me. A while back, I shared a post about beginning potty training with Valentina at 21 months. We were getting some small wins, I was feeling proud…and also, if I’m honest, I was feeling quite stressed. It was happening more slowly than I hoped plus I didn't know how we would manage potty challenges on our trip. And it was still chilly at home, which made it challenging to keep her undressed.
I also didn't like how quickly I was becoming snappy. I didn’t want to be annoyed at my toddler. And I was definitely tired of cleaning up messes. So I made the decision to stop. We put potty training on pause, went back to diapers, and I gave myself permission to wait until the timing felt better. Even though I felt a bit disappointed to be "giving up." Trying Again After Our Trip: What a Difference a Few Months Makes After our travels, Valentina was newly two, and I was in a much better headspace. So we gave it another go. This time? It clicked. She had wins from the very first day. And while we still had some accidents (usually when she was wearing pants), the learning curve was so much shorter. Yesterday marked two full weeks—and she didn’t have a single accident all day. Even when she was wearing pants. If you’ve ever wondered whether an “unsuccessful” attempt is a waste of time: it’s not. That first round absolutely laid the foundation for this one. She remembered. Her body remembered. We were both more ready. What Made This Round So Much Easier Here’s what helped the second time around succeed:
If you’re considering when to start—here’s what I’d say: Watch your child. But also, watch yourself. If you’re getting tense or frustrated, that matters. If the timing feels off, it probably is. And if you need to pause and come back later, that’s okay. You’re not failing—you’re being smart and responsive. Potty training is a process, not a single moment. And sometimes, the best thing you can do is give it space, then return with a calmer heart and a clearer plan. I’m so glad we waited. And even happier to be diaper-free—travel potty and all. If you'd like help potty training your child, I'm here to help. Schedule a free consult for parent coaching here. (I can also help with other developmental challenges and supporting you as a parent, too.) How Baby Leo Went From All-Night Nursing to Sleeping Long Stretches Without Doing Cry It Out5/26/2025
When Katie and Emily reached out to me for help with their second child, they were running on fumes. Baby Leo was five months old and still waking almost hourly through the second half of the night—nursing the entire time while cuddled next to Emily in bed.
It wasn’t sustainable. Also, Leo’s daytime feeds were problematic. He was so entertained by his older sister that he preferred to snack throughout the day and load up on his calories during the night. While he didn't mind this, Emily was exhausted and certainly not capable of returning to work in just a few short weeks. But how could Emily and Katie get Leo to sleep all night if he was legitimately hungry at night? They couldn't let their baby cry from hunger all night, even if it would eventually lead to better sleep. It just felt wrong to them. I hear this concern all the time. I get it. You want to do what’s best for your baby, and the idea of withholding comfort—or food—feels wrong. Here’s the truth: The idea that babies should eat when they’re hungry isn’t wrong. But the idea that night waking for food has to continue indefinitely? Or that the only way to improve sleep is to let them “cry it out”? Also wrong. And the truth is, helping your baby sleep better doesn’t have to mean ignoring their needs or your instincts. The Gentle Solution Because Emily found Leo’s cries especially hard to hear, we chose one of the most gradual, responsive approaches I offer: a method called the Soothing Ladder. The Soothing Ladder helps babies learn to settle with less help, one step at a time. It’s ideal for younger babies and highly sensitive parents because it allows for closeness and responsiveness while still creating change. Here’s what happened:
No crying it out. No mom guilt. No hungry baby. Just a rested baby and two parents who feel like themselves again. You deserve this too. As a pediatric NP and certified sleep coach, I combine medical knowledge, developmental insight, and deep respect for your parenting style. You don’t have to choose between your baby’s needs and your own well-being—and you definitely don’t have to do it alone. I'd love to talk to you about whether this might be a good path forward for your family. Schedule a free consult call here. Your baby is finally sleeping through the night.
No more late-night bouncing, no more 10 pm negotiations with your preschooler, no more 4 a.m. panic-scrolls about regressions. So why are you still so tired? The truth is how much you’ve been carrying for so long without the support you deserve. It’s Not You. It’s the System. We live in a culture that glorifies burnout. We’re told to “do it all,” and when that proves impossible, we quietly decide we must be doing something wrong with us as individuals. If only we were more organized. If only we could get up earlier. If only we had the perfect spouse to encourage us. The quiet message is: If you're tired, it's your fault. Let me be clear: it's not you, it's the world we live in. Where Is Your Fairy Godmother? When you became a parent, you probably didn’t also get a live-in support system to nurture you through it. Some of us move far away from family. Others lose parents too young. Some simply don’t have emotionally safe relationships to fall back on. And yet, we still expect ourselves to show up every day—with patience, presence, creativity, and competence—without someone in our corner saying: “Come, love. You’ve done enough for now. Sit. Rest. You deserve to be nurtured now.” The Post-Sleep Coaching Gap As a sleep coach and pediatric nurse practitioner, I’ve helped hundreds of families finally get the rest they need. But what I’ve noticed again and again is this: the relief that comes with better sleep is real—but it doesn’t touch the deeper depletion. There’s often a crash that comes after the adrenaline fades. You handled the crisis. Now you’re standing in the quiet—and suddenly noticing how threadbare you’ve become. Coaching Changed That for Me When I was in the thick of this exhaustion, I raced through my days fueled by adrenaline, dark chocolate, and desperation. I thought that was just how motherhood was supposed to feel. Then I discovered coaching—which felt very different from therapy (I’ve done a lot of that, but didn't experience this transformation with any of them). More forward-looking. More solution-focused. I literally felt a difference in myself after the very first session. Coaching gave me a place to be nurtured and empowered to have someone see me clearly and help me move toward the life I wanted. Now? I still get tired, of course. But the chronic, soul-weary, bone-deep exhaustion is 90% better. Not because life got easier, but because my coach taught me that meeting my own needs is essential to be the mother, partner, and friend that I want to be. The adage "you can't pour from an empty cup" put into action. You Deserve to Be Supported, Too If you’re post-sleep training and still feel like you’re barely holding it together, please know this isn’t a personal failing. It’s the inevitable result of doing too much, for too long. You deserve someone who is wholeheartedly in your corner. Someone who helps you untangle the invisible mental load, the over-scheduling, the internal pressure to be everything to everyone. Someone who says, “Yes, it’s a lot. Let’s figure out how to make it lighter.” I'd love to be this person for you. If any part of this made your shoulders drop even slightly, let's have a conversation. There's no sales pitch. Just an exploration of what is hard for you in this season of your life and how we can best support you through it. It would be an honor to offer you an hour -- at no charge -- to explore this. Please schedule your call here. I can't wait to connect. |
AuthorAbby Wolfson is a pediatric nurse practitioner, certified child sleep consultant and certified life coach for parents. She divides her time between Brooklyn, NY and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Archives
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